[Report This]Date: August 20 2013 4:07 AM Title: Chapter 7 Meet The Parents part 2
Definately continue this. This story is well written. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Author's Response:
I definitely intend to continue this story as long as people are interested in it. Thank you for complimenting my writing, I try. As for what happens next, well I'm almost ready to release the next chapter, so check back in a few hours after this response, and you might get your wish.
[Report This]Date: August 19 2013 12:17 PM Title: Chapter 7 Meet The Parents part 2
Shouta (great tag name!) sounds like a typical State Shinto misogynist of his time. I wonder how he'd feel if he was to return from Ryujin, and see what changes have occurred in 21st-century Japan?
Author's Response:
I'm trying to play his character off much like a Japanese imperial. So thank you. As for him returning to Japan, he went through a tear in space, not space time. So even if he returned now, he would just get to witness Japan's defeat, unless you were refering to a later time he returns?
Date: August 19 2013 11:55 AM Title: Chapter 7 Meet The Parents part 2
My opinion of Shouta went down a little. He may be upset and in a difficult situation, but he seemed to be going out of his way to be as insulting as possible. He was like a child throwing a temper tantrum. Hopefully he'll act smarter after some sleep.
About chapter length, I don't think you should worry so much about reaching a specific number of words. Sure, a chapter shouldn't be too short, but as long as a chapter ends at a natural point it doesn't really matter if the chapter is 1500 or 5000 words long.
If you'll permit me some criticism, I noticed that sometimes you write a back-and-forth conversation within a single paragraph. It's common practice to start a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes to help clarify to the reader which person is currently talking. For example ""You can't ignore me, you don't even look to be eighteen yet!" Maki scowled. "I'm already thirty eight!"" makes it look like Maki is saying both sentences. It reads easier when put like this:
"You can't ignore me, you don't even look to be eighteen yet!"
Maki scowled. "I'm already thirty eight!"
Author's Response:
Yes his emotions were flaring, and he did become rather insulting. Some sleep should help him clear his mind I think.
Thanks for your advice on chapter length, at this time my chapters keep ending before 2000 words because I run into a natural stopping point. I just don't like short chapter if I can help it.
Your right that I do mix some back and fourth dialugue in paragraphs, I think it's the influence of books and light novels I read. Possibly also my english teachers throughout the years telling me to keep larger paragraphs. Your right that it can become confusing to the reader.
I'll think on changing it, Thank you.