Reviews For That's My Girl!
You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: September 13 2013 3:25 PM Title: That's My Girl!

It was an interesting story. However the formatting is an issue and if you do decide to fix that you should also proofread as I did notice a couple of errors. My main grip was with the opening two setences though.

This:

Well, there she goes again. Mom went to Vegas to some hot-shot corporate meeting.

The first setence appears to be in the present tense and the second is in the past tense. Pick a tense and stick to it.



Author's Response:

All the sentence needed was a semi colon.  The tenses are fine since the story is written in 1st person.

Thanks for letting me know.

Dee

Reviewer: Dudemanguy Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 02 2013 6:15 PM Title: That's My Girl!

Another Dee story! HOORAY!!!! I like the first person perspective of the teenage daughter. Also, the mom's one devious individual to actually plan all that. It makes you think...



Author's Response:

Glad you liked it!  I don't know if there are any other 1st person written stories on here.  Have you read any?

 

Dee

Reviewer: wildcatman Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 01 2013 11:01 PM Title: That's My Girl!

All right!  Another one from Deelan!  Great short story, Dude...  Nice way of ending it- the Title,  'That's my horny girl'  Ha, haaa......



Author's Response:

Thanks again WCM!  You're too kind!  I only have 3 more prewritten stories to post but I have a lot of outlines for others.  This means that the stories you'll be reading will be new but it also means I need to get to work!  :)  Since I've learned that readers on this site like chapter stories, I'll try to convert my outlines into chapters.  Until then, keep reading and reviewing!

 

Dee

Reviewer: zephilia Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 01 2013 6:16 PM Title: That's My Girl!

Great story, love the way you tell it. Hope you bring these characters back for more. I am 100% ok with this POV style.



Author's Response:

Thanks Zephilia!  I wrote this story 10 yrs. ago so I won't be writing on this again.  However, I'm working on another POV story.  Reading a writing a 1st person story is quite different.  I posted it to see if there was an audience for this kind of thing.  I'm glad you approve.  :)

 

Dee

You must login (register) to review.