Date: September 13 2013 3:25 PM Title: That's My Girl!
It was an interesting story. However the formatting is an issue and if you do decide to fix that you should also proofread as I did notice a couple of errors. My main grip was with the opening two setences though.
Well, there she goes again. Mom went to Vegas to some hot-shot corporate meeting.
The first setence appears to be in the present tense and the second is in the past tense. Pick a tense and stick to it.
All the sentence needed was a semi colon. The tenses are fine since the story is written in 1st person.
Thanks for letting me know.
Date: May 02 2013 6:15 PM Title: That's My Girl!
Another Dee story! HOORAY!!!! I like the first person perspective of the teenage daughter. Also, the mom's one devious individual to actually plan all that. It makes you think...
Glad you liked it! I don't know if there are any other 1st person written stories on here. Have you read any?
Date: May 01 2013 11:01 PM Title: That's My Girl!
All right! Another one from Deelan! Great short story, Dude... Nice way of ending it- the Title, 'That's my horny girl' Ha, haaa......
Thanks again WCM! You're too kind! I only have 3 more prewritten stories to post but I have a lot of outlines for others. This means that the stories you'll be reading will be new but it also means I need to get to work! :) Since I've learned that readers on this site like chapter stories, I'll try to convert my outlines into chapters. Until then, keep reading and reviewing!
Date: May 01 2013 6:16 PM Title: That's My Girl!
Great story, love the way you tell it. Hope you bring these characters back for more. I am 100% ok with this POV style.
Thanks Zephilia! I wrote this story 10 yrs. ago so I won't be writing on this again. However, I'm working on another POV story. Reading a writing a 1st person story is quite different. I posted it to see if there was an audience for this kind of thing. I'm glad you approve. :)