Date: February 24 2013 2:15 AM Title: Passionate Evening
Hi there. Love the unaware aspect to your stories, I've read most of them. I enjoy your descriptions, and I like that you take your time. I do have one bit of advice. Your stories tend to be pretty over the top and overtly sexual. If that's what you're going for then great. But I think if you took a more realistic approach with how the characters react (i.e. people get scared rather than aroused) then it would be easier for people to be drawn into what's happening. Also, you might not want to put them into such overtly sexual situations, because then you don't leave yourself a lot of room to build to a great ending. Maybe start out with almost getting crushed or eaten and then it can become sexual towards the end. Just my opinion, in any case I look forward to more :)
Thanks for your insight,im a little impatient when it comes to the action i'll admit. My future chapters and stories will hopefully continue to keep getting better at pacing the whole story. Im trying to incorporate certain characteristics into my characters,but will take into account your advice at building story levels.
Date: February 23 2013 1:27 AM Title: Passionate Evening
great first chapter. love the cruelness of amber
Thanks for the review,im trying to figure out a way for Amber to retain somwhat of a maternal side. I want her to come across as a mother and not a souless monster,but keep the vindictive side of her well alive. She will not have compassion for the little girl trapped in her backside however
Date: February 22 2013 6:35 PM Title: Passionate Evening
So while Larry journeys to his mom's womb, can the girl journey up to the moms stomach and get digested? That would be awesome.. Great story!
Thanks for the review,im going to try and keep the character's alive. I don't really like killing off characters,but trust me this doesn't mean that Amber will be going soft on them.