[Report This]Date: March 27 2013 9:37 PM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
Awesome, can't wait 2 c how the food thing turns out.
Author's Response: Hmm -licks lips- ill remember that my tiny friend
[Report This]Date: February 10 2013 11:40 PM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
Woah, slow down there missy. Everything is going bye a little too fast. Just explain everything out. I understand everything that's happening, but you seem to jump from scene to scene. Take some time on just one scene and explain it out.
But good story so far.
Author's Response: Thanks :) I was trying a different writing style that didn't exactly work out, next chapter will be better
Date: February 10 2013 8:34 PM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
Basically what I meant was it might not hurt to bring in some more concrete description. The first paragraph of your first chapter does this when the video is shown; try to have this come through in spoken scenes too. Even when nothing explosive is happening, you can still deliver some description to beef up the dialogue. Every detail, even if it feels small, adds to the package.
Author's Response: Wait till you see the next chapter...
[Report This]Date: February 10 2013 12:36 PM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
Ahh, my mistake. I meant, good story ma'am. Sorry for the mixup.
Author's Response: Lol it's cool, I may have to eat you now though
Date: February 10 2013 11:33 AM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
An intriguing couple of chapters you have here. Your opening does seem to suggest more of a "gentle" story so I'm interested to see how you bring in a couple of those tags you have. You have some technical errors littered around, and I might also suggest trying to inject a little more imagery into the exposition to give an image to the reader rather than just explaining. Still this is not bad at all for a first story; you've made your characters easy to relate to early on in the story and the dialogue flows well. Keep it up.
Author's Response: Thanks *smiles* but how would I do those things you mentioned? And remember, you never do the freaky stuff on the first date
Date: February 10 2013 3:13 AM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
Well, I have the story set to round robin, so each person can add their own stories as chapters. You can check out my account for more details on how the guidelines and stuff work. I suggest that you also read Adam and Ashley/Adam's New School first.
Author's Response: I did, it was great!
Date: February 09 2013 1:22 AM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
I really don't mind. I was just curious.
Author's Response: Ok :)
[Report This]Date: February 08 2013 9:57 PM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
Hmmm... Sounds interesting. Just put of curiosity, I was wondering if you got any of your ideas from my stories. It just seems similar to Adam and Ashley with the giantess being named Ashley as well as the giant/tiny division in the story.
Author's Response: No I didn't honestly, I haven't even read your stories, no offense... I can change the names if you would like.
Date: February 08 2013 3:20 PM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
I'm guessing by the tags Jack was found by a giant man? A pedophile maybe? I don't want to believe it, but Ashley may be a fake...
Author's Response: Maybe she is... Maybe she isn't...
Date: February 08 2013 3:14 PM Title: Chapter 1: History Class
Oh, I wonder who caught him. Great story cannot wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Awesome! Shouldn't have to wait long either!