Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: January 31 2013 5:13 PM Title: Chapter 2

Here:

but desired to with all the heart.

I think you mean their.

 

You need to remember to put the description on separate lines to the description because in places this makes the story harder to follow than it would otherwise be and I found myself have to reread sections. It wasn't much of an issue in earlier chapters and normally it's fine but it's good to follow ocnvention.