Reviewer: kamperkonkel Signed [Report This]
Date: January 04 2013 10:46 AM Title: Little game

This is my first review on this site. I don't to a lot of writing on this site but I do have a few series going elsewhere. I wouldn't say that if not for the people that say the whole "How should you know, you haven't written anything." Anyway, I do reviews on Writing.com and I usually pick something I like and something that bothers me, no matter how small so that the person gets some advise and compliments. I just wanted to express that I'm not ripping on you at all. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't worth the effort.

 

Ok, the thing that I liked most about the series so far is the simplistic detail. We all like certain things but each preference has its own style. It is hard to write for all of them and still be viable to each, not tredding on toes and such. I feel you do an amazing job with this. You have his attention go to multiple areas and keep our appetite wet for things to come, even if what is being described now isn't our cup of tea. But you also don't go too far as to only be entertaining to only one crowd, and hard core fans of that style to boot.

 

The thing that bothered me the most is the dialog seperation. Their options and dialog itself was great, but I got lost in the large paragraphs and had to retrace to catch myself. I use to have the same problem and I fixed it by making each dialog source a seperate paragraph. That also forced me to add detail to how they are interacting with the other characters. I'm not saying that this is what you should do, it is just an example of what can be done.

 

Hope this wasn't stepping on your toes too much. I did enjoy reading and hope to see more soon.

Author's Response:

Hi Kamperkonkel,

 

Thanks for your constructive feedback and taking the time to ellaborate. So no worries of stepping on toes.

Apart from a few additions at writing.com, this is my first story. I had written the first chapter in past tense, but didn't like it. I rewrote the story in present time, because I felt that the readers can identify more with the situations described. What I'm implying is that it's taking some time to devolop writer skills. 

That's why I like the feedback. Could you be more specific though, like an example of a story which contains paragraphs you described.

Also curious of your work, where can I find it?

 

Cheers

Reviewer: shaka Signed [Report This]
Date: January 03 2013 10:05 AM Title: Little game

Great Story...What about "smoothing" Stan into a bar of soap and having him used by his sister in the shower?

Reviewer: kovukun Signed [Report This]
Date: January 02 2013 5:47 PM Title: Little game

Floored again by yet another wonderful chapter! Definitely well worth the wait, as this is probably the best one yet! That sister is just so mean, teasing, naughty and... just perfect in every way! And I do just love her last words.. how she loves how her brother volenteered for this! Despite the wild fear I too would be feeling, I wish I were stan too!

Oh, keep up the good work, you seriously have a tallent at capturing not just the actions, but the emotions behind them. This sister seems so real, every aspec abot her is just so perfectly done! I can't waitto see what games she has planned next.. and to also see just how long this story will be!

Reviewer: Moti0n Signed [Report This]
Date: January 02 2013 4:30 PM Title: Little game

Love it!!! <3 <3 <3

Reviewer: stewdrick Signed [Report This]
Date: December 30 2012 2:03 AM Title: Morning

This is a really excellent story. Looking forward to seeing future chapters! Extremely well written, especially considering English isn't your first language! I have seen people whose first language IS English who are weaker writers. Fantastic work.

Reviewer: kovukun Signed [Report This]
Date: December 27 2012 2:28 PM Title: Lunch

Wow, I am absolutely LOVING this story so far! By far one of my favorites yet! I found this story when there were only 6 chapters, so it was quite a tease to read chapter after chapter with only hints of what was to come, but your descriptive writing style, the relationship between brother and sister, and how well you have kept them close has made me always coming back for more! And this latest chapter.. Oh.. it definitely delivered same standard the other chapters were leading up to!I LOVED just how naughty the sister was with her tiny brother, and even moreso, how not 100% willing he is now to his situation.I love the good mix of willing and nonwilling you have going here with the brother.

Best of luck to you with the rest of this story. I don't know about anyone else, but I've been checking back once or twice every day since this chapter came out to see if another one has been added! ^^; I hope you're having a good trip... but I also hope you come back soon! I"m dying to see what comes next! (Personally.. I'm looking forward to that scene where the brother is strapped to her toothbrush... If it's played out exactly how the sister described it.. oh my... ^o^<3)

Reviewer: Devoool Signed [Report This]
Date: December 23 2012 4:21 PM Title: Morning

Wow, 8 chapters so far... I really like the way this story is headitng to... And YES more butts are coming in this story. Best incest story ever!! I'm glad you are exist XD Thank you!

Reviewer: Lupe Signed [Report This]
Date: December 21 2012 9:18 AM Title: Morning

Awesome! Was hoping to see her accidentally swallow him :P If only he could somehow survive a full trip through her!

Reviewer: carpette12 Signed [Report This]
Date: December 19 2012 4:24 PM Title: Exploring

this story is just amazing! you have to continue!!! =)

Reviewer: Lupe Signed [Report This]
Date: December 19 2012 11:25 AM Title: Exploring

Very nice! Looking forward to the next chapter. Would love to see him end up inside all three of her holes eventually :D