Date: January 24 2013 3:08 PM Title: Little game
Agreed! Please don't forget about this story! We all REALLY love it, and REALLY want too see it continued! Please come back! Your writing is amazing, and I know I'd really really love to see the next chapter! This is by far one of the best stories I've ever read! <3
Date: January 20 2013 11:17 AM Title: Morning
This story is spectacular, and you can't even tell that English isn't your native language. I'm not usually a big fan of incest, but there's just something captivating about this story. Please keep at it, I can't get enough!
Date: January 18 2013 5:51 AM Title: Morning
Your English writing skills are better than that of most native English speakers, and your storyline is captivating. I'm eager to read more from you as soon as you can produce it, but please don't rush your creative process. I think you are doing a great job so far, and this is, without exaggeration, my absolute favorite gts read of all time.
I like that the sister teases the brother without being cruel/violent. I also like that the brother is annoyed some of the time, but still mostly a willing participant. I'm desperately hoping you'll include a vaginal insertion chapter.
Date: January 13 2013 1:47 AM Title: Little game
This is seriously one of my favorite stories. You are an extremely talented writer and I can't wait to see the next chapters! (Personally, I'm hoping she gets mad at him at some point and lets her evil side out a little bit...) :)
Date: January 11 2013 7:30 PM Title: Morning
I'm guessing you're bogged down by work/school, hopefully you'll pull through without losing your head. :)
The chapters you have here are really well done. Do you (or did you) have a larger story arc planned for this?
Also, guessing from some of the things I've read from you at writing.com I'm guessing where you are heading with this. If it is the case then I'm pretty excited for the future chapters. :D
Date: January 10 2013 9:03 PM Title: Morning
it's wondrous. I love the teasing. my one critique though is that you are spendign an awful lot of time with her mouth, and it gets boring after a bit. although the 9th chapter... hoo. wow. nice one.
please continue though, you really do have a gift and your english writings skills are improving by leaps and bounds.
Date: January 09 2013 7:16 AM Title: Little game
Let me start off by saying I LOVE this story! I love this story so much I registered just so I could review it. There is something about the dynamic of a sister taking control of an older brother that is ridiculously hot!
That being said please start up with the sexual stuff! I'm talking in between breast rides, panty rides, insertion, ass action, etc...
I've never been a huge crush/vore fan and this story is taking a turn towards the vore side that I'm finding disinteresting. The end of this most recent chapter showed a swing back which was great.
Still, you've got this powerful female character who's in control of her miniscule brother. Lets be honest - just like the penis is a symbol of male dominance a woman's breasts and vagina is her's - NOT her mouth. I realize it is some people's cup of tea but not mine.
Please keep up the great work!
Date: January 07 2013 10:35 PM Title: Little game
Absolutely epic all of it :)
I pretty much ended up reading this story from start to finish all in one night, I couldn't stop after one chapter it was just that good : D
Needless to say, I'm on the edge of my seat to read the next update when it finally arrives. And I know it took a fair number of chapters for any shrinking activities to actually arise and start in this story, I didn't even mind, whatever your writing style is,
'Build-up style'? It pretty much made the wait that much more exciting and compelling to read through. All the stuff that has happened and the events eluded to probably happen in the future of this story I enjoyed it all. Its great man :)
I know this is a lengthy and excessively possitive reveiw, I'm sorry about that. I'm pretty much trying to sum-up my oppinions for all 9 chapters that I just read through.
Hopefully my future reviews will be much shorter and more pleasant to read ^_^
Thanks for taking the time to review! Due to work, updates will come less frequently, but the next chapter should be up in one or two days.
Date: January 04 2013 10:46 AM Title: Little game
This is my first review on this site. I don't to a lot of writing on this site but I do have a few series going elsewhere. I wouldn't say that if not for the people that say the whole "How should you know, you haven't written anything." Anyway, I do reviews on Writing.com and I usually pick something I like and something that bothers me, no matter how small so that the person gets some advise and compliments. I just wanted to express that I'm not ripping on you at all. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't worth the effort.
Ok, the thing that I liked most about the series so far is the simplistic detail. We all like certain things but each preference has its own style. It is hard to write for all of them and still be viable to each, not tredding on toes and such. I feel you do an amazing job with this. You have his attention go to multiple areas and keep our appetite wet for things to come, even if what is being described now isn't our cup of tea. But you also don't go too far as to only be entertaining to only one crowd, and hard core fans of that style to boot.
The thing that bothered me the most is the dialog seperation. Their options and dialog itself was great, but I got lost in the large paragraphs and had to retrace to catch myself. I use to have the same problem and I fixed it by making each dialog source a seperate paragraph. That also forced me to add detail to how they are interacting with the other characters. I'm not saying that this is what you should do, it is just an example of what can be done.
Hope this wasn't stepping on your toes too much. I did enjoy reading and hope to see more soon.
Thanks for your constructive feedback and taking the time to ellaborate. So no worries of stepping on toes.
Apart from a few additions at writing.com, this is my first story. I had written the first chapter in past tense, but didn't like it. I rewrote the story in present time, because I felt that the readers can identify more with the situations described. What I'm implying is that it's taking some time to devolop writer skills.
That's why I like the feedback. Could you be more specific though, like an example of a story which contains paragraphs you described.
Also curious of your work, where can I find it?