Reviewer: shaka Signed [Report This]
Date: February 12 2013 11:16 AM Title: Little game

This story is one of the best that I have ever read and I am glad to hear that it will continue.  Personally I feel that all the focus on mouth play has been a little repetitive.  You have hinted at so many other possibilities (in the bikini, frozen, used as an object, etc) and it would be good to explore those directions.  Mia's ability to dominate her brother while hiding him from the rest of the world is the basis of her power.  I can't wait to see what happens next. 

Reviewer: South Signed [Report This]
Date: January 21 2013 8:24 AM Title: Little game

Please don't forget about this story!

Reviewer: stewdrick Signed [Report This]
Date: January 13 2013 1:47 AM Title: Little game

This is seriously one of my favorite stories. You are an extremely talented writer and I can't wait to see the next chapters! (Personally, I'm hoping she gets mad at him at some point and lets her evil side out a little bit...) :)

Reviewer: Alman01 Signed [Report This]
Date: January 07 2013 10:35 PM Title: Little game

Absolutely epic all of it :)

I pretty much ended up reading this story from start to finish all in one night, I couldn't stop after one chapter it was just that good : D

 

Needless to say, I'm on the edge of my seat to read the next update when it finally arrives. And I know it took a fair number of chapters for any shrinking activities to actually arise and start in this story, I didn't even mind, whatever your writing style is,

'Build-up style'? It pretty much made the wait that much more exciting and compelling to read through. All the stuff that has happened and the events eluded to  probably happen in the future of this story I enjoyed it all. Its great man :)

 

I know this is a lengthy and excessively possitive reveiw, I'm sorry about that. I'm pretty much trying to sum-up my oppinions for all 9 chapters that I just read through.

Hopefully my future reviews will be much shorter and more pleasant to read ^_^  

Author's Response:

Thanks for taking the time to review! Due to work, updates will come less frequently, but the next chapter should be up in one or two days.

Reviewer: kamperkonkel Signed [Report This]
Date: January 04 2013 10:46 AM Title: Little game

This is my first review on this site. I don't to a lot of writing on this site but I do have a few series going elsewhere. I wouldn't say that if not for the people that say the whole "How should you know, you haven't written anything." Anyway, I do reviews on Writing.com and I usually pick something I like and something that bothers me, no matter how small so that the person gets some advise and compliments. I just wanted to express that I'm not ripping on you at all. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't worth the effort.

 

Ok, the thing that I liked most about the series so far is the simplistic detail. We all like certain things but each preference has its own style. It is hard to write for all of them and still be viable to each, not tredding on toes and such. I feel you do an amazing job with this. You have his attention go to multiple areas and keep our appetite wet for things to come, even if what is being described now isn't our cup of tea. But you also don't go too far as to only be entertaining to only one crowd, and hard core fans of that style to boot.

 

The thing that bothered me the most is the dialog seperation. Their options and dialog itself was great, but I got lost in the large paragraphs and had to retrace to catch myself. I use to have the same problem and I fixed it by making each dialog source a seperate paragraph. That also forced me to add detail to how they are interacting with the other characters. I'm not saying that this is what you should do, it is just an example of what can be done.

 

Hope this wasn't stepping on your toes too much. I did enjoy reading and hope to see more soon.

Author's Response:

Hi Kamperkonkel,

 

Thanks for your constructive feedback and taking the time to ellaborate. So no worries of stepping on toes.

Apart from a few additions at writing.com, this is my first story. I had written the first chapter in past tense, but didn't like it. I rewrote the story in present time, because I felt that the readers can identify more with the situations described. What I'm implying is that it's taking some time to devolop writer skills. 

That's why I like the feedback. Could you be more specific though, like an example of a story which contains paragraphs you described.

Also curious of your work, where can I find it?

 

Cheers

Reviewer: grimehead Signed [Report This]
Date: January 03 2013 3:21 AM Title: Little game

Best chapter so far. Looking forward to more!

Reviewer: kovukun Signed [Report This]
Date: January 02 2013 5:46 PM Title: Little game

Floored again by yet another wonderful chapter! Definitely well worth the wait, as this is probably the best one yet! That sister is just so mean, teasing, naughty and... just perfect in every way! And I do just love her last words.. how she loves how her brother volenteered for this! Despite the wild fear I too would be feeling, I wish I were stan too!

Oh, keep up the good work, you seriously have a tallent at capturing not just the actions, but the emotions behind them. This sister seems so real, every aspec abot her is just so perfectly done! I can't waitto see what games she has planned next.. and to also see just how long this story will be!

Reviewer: yummy Signed [Report This]
Date: January 02 2013 1:47 PM Title: Little game

OMG, I want to be Stan so bad!  This is your best chapter, yet.  Can't wait for what Mia has in store for him.  Excellent work!