Reviewer: AdamX Signed [Report This]
Date: December 08 2012 10:38 PM Title: Introduction

Beautiful ending to a classic story.

 

I've enjoyed reading this greatly and look forward to reading Chloe as well.

 

Bravo good sir.

Reviewer: ogilthorpe Signed [Report This]
Date: October 07 2012 12:43 PM Title: Introduction

well..

I am so fascinated by your story that I finally registered after several years of neglecting to do so

I look forward to finding more about this implied "new world order"

I am particularly drawn to the husband whose fate is both horrific yet also  intensely enviable and erotic--at least to me

you have said you will return to him later in the story---I look forward to that--I imagine that he serves some additional purpose for Holly beyond simply suffering for his sins

I have always been put off by people suggesting too readily changes and additions to satisfy their own needs---and I love that philosophy and thoughtfulness that fleshes out the story---I only hope that you avoid the trap of too many good sophisticated writers in evolving the story too far from the fetish and making it too complicated and intellectual---we should never forget or apologize for our fetish that drives these creations

If at the end of your story---and if the husbands story has many loose ends--I would like to write perhaps a back story on just him---with your permission of course

since I have now finally registered I will probably put some of my old works up eventually---maybe even complete the ones that are unfinished

thanks for the fine story

Author's Response:

Appreciate your comment. 

I admit I'm a big fan of your own stories, and I'm glad you've decided to register.

And I don't think I'll be writing a backstory on the husband, so your idea definitely interests me.

--scrymgeour

 

Reviewer: ltltb Signed [Report This]
Date: September 10 2012 1:29 PM Title: Introduction

A nice twist on NWO.

Author's Response:

Thanks. Hope you continue to write on here, also.

Reviewer: jacksmith5996 Signed [Report This]
Date: September 02 2012 1:07 PM Title: Introduction

You've struck a good balance on this story.  It's a fairly common fantasy with a more unique twist on it because you're doing a great job of integrating psychological elements into the story to really get the reader into the head of your protagonist.  Your descriptions are simple but not overly wordy, and your dialogue has some kick to it.  One suggestion I might make is finding a way to restructure your story in the future so that alternate perspective recaps aren't necessary, as these have a tendency to be a bit jarring in stories like this. Nevertheless, a very good piece of work here.  I'm enjoying it.

Author's Response:

Thanks for your review and rating. I have some questions here and there about what you mean ("descriptions are simple but not overly wordy"), but I get the gist of it. Much appreciated.

Personal confession: I'm a great fan of jarring digressions and detours in a narrative, whether they're done for humor (you can learn lots from Tristram Shandy or any Dickens novel about how to entertain with unnecessary details and gratuitous asides), or whether they're done in a kind of reflective, philosophical manner. The thing in Chapter 2, here, can be skipped over without affecting the plot--I included it, clumsily, in order to include some deeper character study (of Holly) that would not have happened in narrative time.

You're most likely right that that's not what readers are looking for (realized that in the course of writing my last story, set in the 1830s, as readers tended to skip over the chapters without fetish content).

- D

Reviewer: AdamX Signed [Report This]
Date: August 29 2012 5:41 PM Title: Introduction

Very interesting start.

 

Looking forward to more.

Author's Response:

Thanks. It's a variation on a common fantasy, and I think I'll enjoy writing it.