You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: Shrunken Mazerunner Signed half-star [Report This]
Date: October 31 2014 3:33 AM Title: Anakins so called "Savior"

One BIG thing that both chapters are missing. DETAIL. Tell us if the slimy fell of Padme's clit. Of the bone crushing pain of being under her stinky foot. Now on the flip side, don't use too much detail. We don't need to know how many bits of dirt are on her foot, or how many folds her pussy lips have. The happy meduim between too little and too much can be hard to find, but I trust that you'll find it. Keep writing. Keep imporving.

Reviewer: timescribe Signed [Report This]
Date: April 02 2013 5:34 PM Title: Anakins torture continues.

I loved the older woman romance between Anakin and Natalie Portman in Star Wars. Shame in a way that you know he'll end up as Darth Vader.

I've thought about being eaten by a giant Natalie Portman since I saw her in Thor.

Reviewer: timescribe Signed [Report This]
Date: April 02 2013 5:32 PM Title: Anakins torture continues.

I loved the older woman romance between Anakin and Natalie Portman in Star Wars. Shame in a way that you know he'll end up as Darth Vader.

I've thought about being eaten by a giant Natalie Portman since I saw her in Thor.

Reviewer: Benny57358 Signed [Report This]
Date: March 04 2013 10:05 PM Title: Anakins so called "Savior"

Just try not to take things so fast.

Reviewer: LITTLE MIKE Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 17 2013 7:38 PM Title: Anakins torture continues.

It was not bad for the 1st 2 chapters

Reviewer: LITTLE MIKE Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 17 2013 7:38 PM Title: Anakins torture continues.

It was not bad for the 1st 2 chapters

Reviewer: LITTLE MIKE Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 17 2013 7:38 PM Title: Anakins torture continues.

It was not bad for the 1st 2 chapters

Reviewer: LITTLE MIKE Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 17 2013 7:38 PM Title: Anakins torture continues.

It was not bad for the 1st 2 chapters

Reviewer: LITTLE MIKE Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 17 2013 7:38 PM Title: Anakins torture continues.

It was not bad for the 1st 2 chapters

Reviewer: LITTLE MIKE Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 17 2013 7:38 PM Title: Anakins torture continues.

It was not bad for the 1st 2 chapters

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: July 18 2012 1:55 PM Title: Anakins torture continues.

It's an improvement, though you still need to develop the story more. Some more descrption, I feel, is needed. Have you looked at the "Writing Tools" section of giantessworld? That has loads of useful information for aspiring authors such as yourself. I remember when I was first starting... Don't worry, you'll get better.

Reviewer: Ares Signed starstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: July 17 2012 3:52 PM Title: Anakins so called "Savior"

I know this is your first story but here are some suggestions. One is that you need to take your time and think about what your writing. Also that the story needs more detail. When he is being tortured you should add his feelings and her feelings. Also add why she is doing the stuff to him. If you work on the story it could be pretty good.

Author's Response: I will try thanks for telling me

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: July 17 2012 2:33 PM Title: Anakins so called "Savior"

Hi welcome to giantessworld (I take you're an giantess so I'm not going to be too harsh, not that I like being harsh anyway),

It's a good start actually and it's good that you've remembered the "é". I do have some suggestions.

 Here:

"I wonder where Anakin is?" Anakin heard loudly.

Instead of "Anakin heard loudly." "a female voice boomed" sounds better. However, don't be afraid to use the word "said". Using adjectives too often to describe speech can be a bad thing.

"Anakin got cut off." you should change that to "Anakin said before he was cut off" and then put Padamé speech on the next line. It makes your story easier to read basically. I know your story is quite short now, but it's a good habit to get into.

Hopefully you'll come back an write more, because the more we write the better we get. Reading is a good way too.

Reviewer: Cheezo Signed starstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: July 17 2012 12:05 PM Title: Anakins so called "Savior"

I disagree with the review below me. This story can go whatever way you want it to go. It's fan fiction after all. My biggest critique would have to be that you're rushing this story. Spend more time describing what's going on. For example, when he was eaten by Padme what was it like? How did it smell? How long was he in the for? What was it like inside her "pussy"? Take your time with the story. It's hard for the reader to get into the story and picture what's going on when the author isn't offering enough description. This story has a lot of potential and I think it could become one of the most read on this site because let's face it, almost everyone knows star wars. I just think maybe you should rewrite the first chapter. Even of you end up having to split it into two chapters I think it would get you more readers and higher ratings.

Reviewer: Ares Signed [Report This]
Date: July 17 2012 11:28 AM Title: Anakins so called "Savior"

Really? Star wars? At least make the characters act the same way in the movie. There in love and they don't hate each other

Author's Response: This is my story an this is the way I want it to be. I don't criticize your story.

You must login (register) to review.