Nice story so far, but I think it might benefit from having better spaced paragraphs. When most people see a large block of text, they tend to turn away.

Also, and this is just a personal preference, you could also bold the dirty parts of the story. It's easy to do, and people are usually very appreciative about it.

And if I sound like a complaining douche, I'm sorry. I was legitimately trying to offer helpful advice, but I tend to sound like a d-bag.

Great story!