Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: March 12 2012 11:11 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Way Things Are

Hi Jen, welcome to giantessworld,

I don't want to be too harsh, because I don't with being overly critical (it's happened on my stories in the past); but at the same time I don't feel people give enough feedback on here, merely fapping and running, so I will attempt you give you a helping hand, if you will. In addition I hope my review won't be too lengthy. Brevity is something I have to work on. :/ Anyway, moving along...

From the first chapter of your story I've noticed a number of things with your writing.

I don't doubt you have a good story, but I think the main problem for me would that you need to work on breaking up your paragraphs. I'll tell you why.

Your paragraphs are awfully large and there are a few reasons for why they should be smaller. I know this isn't of concern for the majority of fetishists but if you are to take writing seriously it is something to consider. Each paragraph is supposed to present, one perhaps tow ideas at most and then you move onto the next paragraph. At the end of a paragraph I feel as if I can have a brief pause before I continue reading. If a paragraph is too long a reader can lose their place and I personally, often have difficulty with very large paragraphs because I feel like I cannot take a breather, well metaphorically speaking, because I'm scared I might lose myself.

So one idea could be a description of a character. Seeing as Jessica is the tiny person, and so not as important, well fetishly speaking (I tend to make up words but you know what I mean I hope) only a few lines should be enough. On the other hand, your giantess, Vicki is very important because the story is mainly about her and what she does. So as the main character more emphasis needs to be put on her.

I saw that you described some of her appearance but other things can also have an effect on the readers view of a particular character. These things would be facial expressions/emotions (of which you have some), their environment (more on that in a second), clothes they wear, things that important to them (such as make-up or perhaps they have a particular interest in a sport or other hobby, if relevant) and how they behave around other characters.

In terms of environment, if a character lives in a dirty house they can give a reader a bad impression of them. Likewise, if they bedroom is completely spotless it could show that they are obsessed with being tidy and this present to a reader certain aspects of their character that helps to build a profile and helps to make them different from other characters. In the same way, the clothes that a character in your story chooses to wear would be another factor. Someone who is dressed all in black is going to act differently to someone who is dressed in many different bright colours.

Also, I should mention that good use of punctuation can help to guide the reader. For example, some sentences can have a completely different feel if a comma is used at different points. A comma is a chance for the reader to take a slight breath, unlike a full stop/period which signals a move to the next idea. A paragraph will present a set of similar ideas such, as the appearance of a character, the objects in a room or the world around a character at a particular moment in time.

I should also mention that the speech of characters should be on different lines to the description and that of other characters as it would make your story so much easier to follow as I'm finding I'm having to re-read certain parts to grasp what's going on. Maybe I'm just an idiot, who knows? But in published books you noticed that ease of reading is taken into consideration and authors have split everything up so that the reader doesn’t get lost.

If you've reached this far down then, thank you for taking the time to read my review. My E-mail is on my profile page, so if there is anything you'd like to discuss then, please, don't be shy.

The above sentence (and this one potentially) is an example of where commas can change its feel, well I personally feel that it is anyway.