This is looking really good so far. You do a good job conveying the story and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes. The text was very readable and uses a good descriptive vocabulary. If you hadn't said English wasn't your first language, I probably wouldn't have guessed. The only thing I noticed on the first read through was that stomach doesn't have an e on the end. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Putting an "e" at the end of stomach seems to be a bad habit of mine. I try to get rid of it, but reading what I've written, I always find that extra "e". Thank you for pointing it out =)