Date: June 05 2011 3:07 PM Title: Part II
I'll try not ot be too harsh, because I hate being harsh, but this chapter has left me so confused. Suddenly this new character comes out from nowhere. There was no mention of Kendra previously and I honestly believed that the story would cotinued from the same propestive. I'd reccomend that if you start in first person, using "I" then you stick to that. Plus, you also need to ahmend the story so that your paragraphs are formed better with proper line spacing.
I don't want to burst your bubble. :/ If you want some help just send me a message. You should visting the "Writining Tools" section of giantessworld though as that has some useful guides. I had a look and they're quite informative so I suggest taking a look. I hope I've been of at least some help but if not than I'm sorry for being Mr. Grumble.
Author's Response:
Don't worry! No offense taken! I think you haven't read the first story, The Realm of Melanie, as I mentioned in my other response that one is the first of the series, this one is the second. Where this story can be read independently, I wouldn't recommend it!
Thanks for the advice, I have indeed looked at the Writing Tools, and all that stuff. I started writing my first novel (TRoM) about 7 or 8 years ago, after 4 years I finally finished it and it was an awful atrocity. About 6 months ago I picked it back up and started fixing it. At the same time I picked up this one again to start working on it. This one only took me about a year to write, and when I finished it, it was also awful. xD
But anywho, long story short (too late!), I am certainly working on it! I've fixed up my whole tense corrections (etc.; I had to reteach myself the English Language and all that good stuff!), and of course I'm a lot older now so I've gotten much, much better at writing! But I look forward to hearing more from you if you choose to review any of my other chapters/stories! :D
[Now that I know someone else is reading them I should upload the rest!]
--TFK