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Reviewer: Palpatine Signed [Report This]
Date: March 09 2015 1:40 PM Title: .

It has been forever! I wish this story continued.

Reviewer: arthurbob Signed [Report This]
Date: September 09 2013 12:26 PM Title: .

So happy that you are back to finish this!!

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: September 04 2013 12:32 PM Title: .

I nothing against introductory chapters but I noticed a number of issues, specifically to do with grammar. The opening line of the chapter is in the third person while most of the rest of the chapter is in first person. Although at points you do switch between first and third person as will be detailed below.

The start of the story felt more like the introduction to a television series than an actual story. The readers already know who he is because of the story summary so you're essentially repeating the summary when you tell us his name again. You have used the word 'Tusken' but there is no explanation as to what the word means.

Here:

I traded the soil for the street

You mean: tread. Traded is the past tense of trade.

You should remember to put the speech on separate lines to the description as it will make your story easier to follow. You don't always do this.

Here:

I took a nice look around town, always the same gray building

you forgot to add an S to building I'm sure.

Here:

The secretary saw me and with the agitated stress that came only from running into Jimi Roark began to scold him

Isn't Jimi the narrator? When you use the word him in reference to the narrator you've slipped back into third person again. It should say either: “me” instead or “me, Jimi Roark” (if he's got an ego).

Here:

“Jimi tell me it isn’t true,” Nate asked, as he spotted his friend.

You're going back into third person.

The opening line of is in third person while the rest of the chapter is in first person. The start of the story felt more like the introduction to a television series than an actual story. The readers already know who he is because of the story summary so you're essentially repeating the summary when you tell us his name again. You have used the word 'Tusken' but there is no explanation as to what this word means.

Here:

I traded the soil for the street

You mean: tread. Traded is the past tense of trade.

You should remember to put the speech on separate lines to the description as it will make your story easier to follow. You don't always do this.

 

Here:

I took a nice look around town, always the same gray building

you forgot to add an S to building I'm sure.

Here:

The secretary saw me and with the agitated stress that came only from running into Jimi Roark began to scold him

Isn't Jimi the narrator? When you use the word him in reference to the narrator you've slipped back into third person again. It should say either: “me” instead or “me, Jimi Roark” (perhaps if he's got an ego as commas can really change the feel of a sentence and should not be underestimated).

Here:

“Jimi tell me it isn’t true,” Nate asked, as he spotted his friend.

You going back into third person.

Here:

on my some clumsy

You mean: by



Author's Response:

Thank you for the response, the critical comments do help with my writing. It's an old story I started three years ago, I'd like say my writing has gotten a little better but a lot of the mistakes you mentioned were dumb errors on my part, rushed and could have been avoided had I properly reviewed and edited. 

In regards to the first/third person confision a decent amount of it is me messing up my pov (and my tenses waggle back and forth too) but I've tried to fix that in my more recent chapters. Some of the things you pointed out were more stylistic choices by myself if that makes any sense. I wrote it as a standalone from the summary so i did feel the need to reintroduce my core concepts and characters.

The third to first in the very beginning was a stylistic kind of introduction, as clumsily as it was done. The secretary bit was the same but a lot of the other mistakes were legitimate. I was trying to portray his ego by having him reference his full name time and again. 

Also Tusken doesn't really mean anything, it's just a proper noun, the old boarding house names after it's original founders the Tuskens. 

Thank you for the comment though! It helps to point out where I've gone wrong, at some point after I've conlcuded I'd like to go through a fix all the little mistakes piece by piece throughout the chapters.

Reviewer: gadgetmawombo Signed [Report This]
Date: September 03 2013 8:30 PM Title: .

I want Jimi to kill more giantess's, it was so clever and awesome when he killed the first one...And I dont think its something we see to often on this site; a tiny killing a giant. Sexy stuff is cool and all but its always awesome to read when a tiny outsmarts a giant and comes out on top!

Also, Im surprised to see this back, boy oh boy, I remember when this story was first started!



Author's Response:

Haha thanks for the input! Yah the sexy and fun stuff is nice but every once in a while I really like to throw in some action, and make the characters to be more than giantess fodder. And let's put it this way, Jimi didn't get the name Giantkiller to just stand aside...

Reviewer: arthurbob Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: March 01 2013 1:52 PM Title: .

Love this story. I know it has been a while but I hope it gets continued!!

Reviewer: Raza Daza Signed [Report This]
Date: January 26 2011 6:29 PM Title: .

Well man I was a big fan of this story when it started. It's a really cool job and the description and words used are really top notch. Love to see more.

Reviewer: sticktoyourguns256 Signed [Report This]
Date: September 01 2010 12:37 AM Title: .

This is a great piece of work. By far one of the best gts stories I've read in a while. A minor quibble is that the giantesses' characterization isn't necessarily the deepest, but they do have wonderfully distinct, memorable personalities all the same. And you've done a good job developing the main characters in a fairly realistic (or as realistic as gts fiction gets) way. But the real treat here is the well-paced yet still action-packed plot--something missing from some of the less well-thought out entries. You let the plot threads progress nicely while giving us what we all want from a story like this. In short, you keep us coming back for more. Keep up the great work!

Reviewer: aaron Signed [Report This]
Date: August 29 2010 10:50 AM Title: .

pps do you plan on bringing the miss ellis character back? i for one would love to read more about her.
alrighty then, peace

Author's Response: As the story shifts towards Bellaton and the surrounding area I will be bringing back a lot of the characters from the initial chapters. So May Ellis will be making a comeback as well as her son...

Reviewer: aaron Signed [Report This]
Date: August 27 2010 7:00 PM Title: .

At first I wouldve wanted to hear from Alice, but this Bella character seems too interesting a character to pass up. But if you either have something else in mind or can think of a giantess as equally gentle as Alice but well a bit bigger than her that would be cool, too.

Peace man

Author's Response: As a mini-spoiler we will be leaving Alice for a while but there will be plenty more giantesses to be enthralled with soon enough. Haha, and yes Bella will be a very interesting character indeed.

Reviewer: ALIAS PaintBall Signed [Report This]
Date: June 06 2010 4:43 PM Title: .

fantastic story so far, this actually feels like a story not a b list grasp at cheep thrill, keep it up! looking for ward to the next chapters.

Reviewer: ZeR0x Signed [Report This]
Date: March 16 2010 12:32 AM Title: .

This is an amazing story! I'm sure lots of people are eager to read your next chapters, It just fits everything I like in a story, keep it up!

Reviewer: aaron Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: March 15 2010 9:56 AM Title: .

thats a very interesting story. loved how anna had purple toenails, lol. an her playful nature

Author's Response: thanks, I considered purple to be a playful color and I just went with it

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