[Report This]Date: March 25 2024 2:05 AM Title: Chapter 6
i have very mixed feelings about the story overall. the smutty scenarios in a vacuum were great and had a nice amount of variety to them. its more so the story itself, or i guess the characters more specifically. i think its close to impossible to pinpoint which one of them is the shittiest person throughout everything. having a character who's a bad person is not a bad thing; far from it, in fact. it gives the potential for them to grow and makes them an even more compelling character. that didn't happen here. Alana, Claire, and even Megan face absolutely no consequences for anything. Claire even shrugs off her boyfriend's death and considers it a "net positive" and suggests that she could simply find another man who she has an equally strong bond with.
the other issue I have is how the sexual encounters are talked about. saying that Bill cheated on Claire is a bit of a stretch itself. Alana refused to take no for an answer, and you implied that he was small enough that she could overpower him. which she did. him being turned on doesn't change any of that. Bill didn't cheat, he was sexually assaulted. writing about that isn't a bad thing to do, though it may be uncomfortable, but presenting it this way just feels... gross. even after the first incident with Alana, it was just repeated over and over again. Claire disregarded his boundaries, Alana continued to disregard his boundaries, and it kept being portrayed as if it was justified.
making someone a cheater is a fine plot point. having a character become an SA victim is fine (though certainly needs to be handled with care). but this felt like it was trying to combine both and really missed the mark. combined with the ending further pushing the idea of everything that happened to Bill being justified just doesn't sit right with me.
Author's Response:
I think a lot of your feelings are valid, in fact I'd say they are normal; I'm aware this story can be very dark and cynical, and I felt uneasy myself rereading certain parts upon editing it.
The first paragraph contains your own subjective opinion, so I'm not going to add anything to it. It's neither right nor wrong; it expresses what you were hoping to find in the story (ie punishment, character growth, and so on), and did not find.
About the rest, I am a bit confused on why you thought the story justifies or endorses the selfish actions and lines of thinking of the characters. The narrator is in third person and was meant to be neutral.
The discussion about consent, I feel, is not relevant here. The first (and first only) encounter between Bill and Alana was meant to be portrayed as consensual, but even if it wasn't, it wouldn't change anything from a "moral" point of view. You seem to be arguing that, had Bill really cheated on Claire, then he would have deserved what was coming to him, but since he was actually a victim of sexual assault, then it was unfair. I doubt that's what you really mean, but otherwise why make that distinction?
[Report This]Date: March 24 2024 2:54 PM Title: Chapter 6
Great conclusion! Wish more time was spent describing the shirking process and dwindling of Alana and Bill, but otherwise a great read! Did not disappoint!
Author's Response:
Appreciate the comment!