[Report This]Date: February 01 2024 6:04 PM Title: Callie vs. the Minimalist Mini
This is a great beginning. I can't wait to see where it goes!
Author's Response:
Thanks for the compliment, Toerider! Hopefully you like the coming chapters just as much!
[Report This]Date: January 28 2024 6:48 AM Title: Callie vs. the Minimalist Mini
Hi! Just wanted to thank you so much for your lengthy review to our story Divinity Lost. The fact that you took the time to write all that means SO much to us, especially me haha. I always get motivated by these kinds of comments. So thanks again! Hope you like today’s chapter on Melissa.
In return when I realized you had a story cookin, I just had to check it out.
Gotta say these 10k words flew by because the story so far for a chapter 1 was just so intriguing. The dynamics between our two main characters already got me hooked despite just being introduced to them, that’s when you know you did a great job with the writing.
Callie is just so relatable and instantly likable, you feel for her and want her life to improve. And with Duncan you have so many questions like why he shrunk, why his clothes shrunk and of course, he’s clearly been through some shit both with nature and the squirrel and with people overall. It’s interesting that Duncan, despite having bad history with female giants in particular, sees Callie as someone different like he feels this experience won’t be like the others. I look forward to seeing how this pans out.
In terms of the worldbuilding, what can I say? It’s just well crafted and the story feels “alive” with the level of detailing you provided. I look forward to future chapters! Hopefully we don’t have to wait too long for chapter 2 ;)
Author's Response:
Hey Chief!
Yeah, Divinity Lost has been incredible so far, and with the incredible level of thought and detail you guys put into it, I pretty much had to babble on about it for a while. I also checked out that new Melissa chapter (and some of the reviews; man, people do not like Melissa) and it was phenomenal. I've got a lot of thoughts on it myself, but I think I might be able to knock out the next chapter of this one in the next couple of days, so I'm going to focus on that before I get a chance to clutter your reviews again. I will say that I feel like I learned a lot about Melissa, and I also had some interesting comparative thoughts between real-life religion and how the god of gods does things.
As for your thoughts on this story, I'm thrilled that multiple people have said the 10k words went by quick. I thought a wordy chapter like that might drag people down. Also, the next chapter is looking to be about the same length (I'm at about 7,500 words right now), so hopefully it reads as smoothly as this first chapter.
It's good to hear that you're into our two main characters so far, and I particularly like how you're feeling about Callie right now. That should hopefully make this next chapter have a real impact on you. As for Duncan's trust in her, I'm hoping I conveyed well enough the combination of cautious observation and Callie going out of her way to earn that trust for that to make sense. I'm a big believer in being able to bond with people not just over time but based on actions as well, so ideally I've shown that Callie has handled things a lot differently than Kristie and Natasha (even if things did start not so bad with her).
I will say that it's going to be a while before we get too deep into the mystery of why Duncan shrank, but we'll get there. And one thing that I do find kind of funny is the amount of people drawing attention to his clothes shrinking with him. That's not to say it isn't a good observation (it is), but it makes me think about how the majority of shrinking stories on this site focus on shrinking out of clothes. I just picture a bunch of people reading that part and going, "Wait, what? His clothes weren't supposed to shrink, too!"
And you saying that my story "feels alive" may be my favorite compliment on this story. I sometimes wonder if I focus too much on smaller details, so reading this was extremely rewarding. So thanks for that!
[Report This]Date: January 06 2024 5:46 AM Title: Callie vs. the Minimalist Mini
I think we're off to a great start here! You have a couple of very interesting characters. There are a lot of questions floating in the background, and I'm raring to find the answers, no matter how ugly they may be.
Callie is probably the character in more emotionally invested in right now, just because I can relate better to her situation. She's a truly good and caring person, and while that's not as hard to find as most people think, many people bury that goodness out of an attempt to appear strong, or to avoid being hurt - aaand my review is unintentionally skewing into unintentional social commentary. Let me try again. I feel for her seemingly hopeless situation. It's a terrible thought, that only one person could possibly help you, and they are the one screwing you over in the forst place. I feel for Callie, and I am rooting for her all the way. The big questions I want answered are: Who put her in this position? Why are they singularly able to help her? Why are they hurting her instead? My first thought is this person is a relative, likely one with a connection to the college.
Duncan's situation intrigues me. How did he shrink? Why did his clothes shrink with him? Did his girlfriend already own that hamster cage, and was it new or previously occupied? HOW DOES HE NOT KNOW ABOUT THE BORROWERS!?!?!
-ahem, sorry. I do have to say, his persistence is both admirable and inspiring, and the circumstances of his condition intriguing. I feel terrible for what he has suffered, but I still find myself wanting to know the extent of what he's gone through. I give him props for fighting off a squirrel, and I can't really fault him for his naming conventions (writes the writer with a girl-who's-basically-a-succubus OC named Titty...)
The last two things I'm going to touch on are your writing style. First, I saw the discord conversation about adding line-breaks in the midst of the character speaking. You're definitely not wrong that changing to a new thought or making a declaration can warrant that for emphasis, but the practical application of it tends to be jarring, even for readers who know you aren't doing anything wrong. I would recommend saving that approach for longer speaking sections, such as exposition or an epic villain monologue. I think you'll find your readers more receptive.
Second, please never put yourself down for being wordy. So long as reading doesn't make me feel like I'm chewing on alphabet soup, I think you're doing just fine. I'm so glad to see you contributing a story to the community, I would far prefer you enjoy your writing and focus on the story than get lost in the quagmire of writing like Dickens only to edit like Hemingway. That goes the same for my first point about unnecessary line breaks in dialogue.
In conclusion, this was a great introduction, and I very much would like to encourage you to continue. If you ever get hung up and need a sounding board, feel free to DM me on Discord. And last, but certainly not least, thank you for gifting the community with your characters, with your writing style, and with your story.
Author's Response:
Hey MT! Thanks for the detailed feedback, generous words, and offer for advice!
Those are some interesting thoughts on Callie's situation, as well as on the nature of humanity in general. I tend to agree that most people are good and care for others, even if that might not be fully reflected at times in this story. I think I'll just leave it at that for now.
As for your questions regarding her situation, you won't have to wait long for answers (at least in the chronological sense; I have no idea if I'll be able to get chapter two out relatively quick or if it'll take me longer, but the next chapter, whenever it comes out, should sate your curiosity).
As I mentioned with Green, we'll learn more about Duncan's shrinking but not until later on in the story and in a way that may provide more questions than answers (sorry, that's a cliché I've always wanted to use but never found myself in a situation where it made sense to do so).
You know, you do have to wonder how Duncan never read or watched anything on the Borrowers when he was a kid. It almost makes you wonder about the type of childhood he had ...
And we'll certainly learn more details about what Duncan went through at a couple points in the story, one of which happens to be next chapter.
Don't knock Titty! It's a fine name! I just wanted to nip that in the bud.
That's good advice on dialogue line-breaks. That should be easy enough to implement (unlike Terry trying to strip me of my precious adverbs! I might cry over that one). I just need to adjust my style a bit.
"Write like Dickens only to edit like Hemingway." I like that a lot! I don't think I could ever edit like Hemingway, though. That's why I ended up with a 10,000-word chapter in the first place! So I expect that most, if not all of this story's chapters will probably end up at a comparable length, for better or worse. I was just concerned about keeping them reader-friendly (seeing 10,000 words in front of you isn't always the most inviting thing for an audience). I try to write with a shorter, choppier style, though, and I think avoiding huge blocks of text might make help ease readers into things a bit.
[Report This]Date: January 05 2024 6:52 PM Title: Callie vs. the Minimalist Mini
I liked the way this started, there are a lot of places this story could go, and I already like the synergy the two characters have. Sometimes a little outside encouragement is just what you need when you're down, but it sounds like Callie might have more serious problems than just some bad grades which are only being hinted at right now.
As far as Duncan goes he's got the mystery of exactly why he's small now as well as baggage (and potential appearances) from two psycho women, while his problems are, in my opinion, quite a bit more serious than Callie's, he seems to be much more confident and on top of them. He seems like a pretty driven guy who has already been through several events where most people would have just laid down and died, his actions with Callie also show a pretty meticulous mind, trying to judge her reactions to hints that he is around, observing her from the walls, etc. Now that he's got a secure base of operations I wonder if he'll start trying to figure out more about how he shrank? If his clothes shrank with him that indicates something that's not genetic or biological in nature, or maybe I'm overthinking it and this is a Groundhog Day situation where we don't really need to know for this tale.
Anyways godspeed on your first story, I'll be checking for updates!
Author's Response:
Hey Green!
You're certainly on the right track as far as Callie's problems go. I was hoping that I didn't make her main issue too obvious with the way that I wrote the chapter, and I think you might have a good idea of where I'm going with this. She'll certainly need more than a little encouragement to get past what's bringing her down. In any case, that main issue will become obvious (and be outright spelled out) in the next chapter.
I think you've nailed down Duncan pretty well, and you're right: Despite admitting that Callie's issues are a bigger deal than just grades, Duncan's are way more serious, although I he might not be quite as on top of them as first appears (we'll get into that next chapter as well). He's definitely confident yet cautious, with the latter being just as much the result of his life before shrinking as it is the horrors he went thought post-shrinkage.
I also really, really like that you brought up (multiple times, even!) the question of how Duncan shrank! That was obviously glossed over in this chapter, but that's something that's going to play a part in this story as it progresses. I've read plenty of stories on this site that take that "Groundhog Day" approach (I really like this comparison for that type of story, by the way), and I'm not knocking them (in fact, there are some that I really liked), but it kind of bothers me when things like shrinking or growing are left completely unexplained. It's like stumbling into a mystery only to leave it unsolved.
Anyway, thanks for the generous review!
[Report This]Date: January 05 2024 1:27 PM Title: Callie vs. the Minimalist Mini
Amazing chapter! I love the characters and their stories! The whole chapter is really well written too, which is greatly appreciated. I can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thanks, it means a lot that you were able to get into the characters' backstories this early. This being the first chapter, I wasn't able to delve too deeply into all that just yet, but I really tried to hint at some things and build a foundation upon which to do that as the story progresses. So I'm pretty stoked to hear that stuff stuck out for you!
[Report This]Date: January 05 2024 3:07 AM Title: Callie vs. the Minimalist Mini
This is a great start to what I'll presume to be a great story. I'm impressed at how immediately invested you made me and how quickly I was able to read 10k words (I'm usually a slow reader, but this kept me hooked enough to not look away and think about a million distractions).
I'm loving our protagonists. Callie's extremely sweet despite her initial reactions to her intruder (which was totally fair, she had no reason to believe it was helpless, shrunken fellow). I really liked the way they eased into meeting through leaving the food, the one sided conversations, and the notes. The earnestness she shows towards making Duncan comfortable is adorable, and my only fear is that his past experiences with giant women being initially gentle is some sort of foreshadowing towards how things will play out with Callie (I hope that's not the case, but I'll just have to wait and find out).
What I like most about Duncan so far is how his wants clash with his survival instincts. Despite going through shit and having an understandable fear of giants, he still makes a considerable effort to reach out to and connect to Callie. My favorite example is him cutting off his own train of thought to agree to let Callie pick him up. Somewhat related, I just love him thinking to take off his shoes before boarding her palm, that got a big laugh.
This doesn't surprise me given what I've seen from your reviews, but your writing is detail rich to an absurd degree, and the imagery is incredibly well thought out. I think there's a few instances where you get a bit too heavy handed with adjectives and adverbs, but it's nothing too egregious and its worth it for the incredible amount of detail throughout.
I'm very much looking forward to more.
Author's Response:
Hey Terry! I'm actually happen to be slowly working my way through Mixing Sizes now (I too am a slow reader), so it's pretty cool to hear some feedback from you at the same time.
But I was happy to hear that the 10k words went by fast for you. I thought that might be an issue for some people, so it's reassuring that you were engaged enough in the story that it didn't seem that long.
Yeah, there's certainly a sizeable divide between what Duncan wants and what his gut is telling him he needs to do, which is why he went to the lengths that he did before making contact with Callie. After months of almost no direct human interaction (and the direct interaction he did have was mostly negative, to say the least), just having a friendly conversation with someone is a luxury he craves almost as much as food and water. So it makes sense (or at least I hope it does) that a part of him would jump to accept Callie's kindness, even if the more rational part of him would rather take a more cautious approach.
As for whether Callie will make him regret that decision at some point, I can't (read: won't) say for sure. I can (read: will) say that who Callie is isn't going to change and I think you'll be good with where this story goes overall.
I'm glad you appreciated Duncan's consideration when he took his shoes off. I also thought the absurdity of the situation was pretty funny:
"Shit, is she going to do something to me? What if she wants to put me in a ... you know, my shoes are pretty gross. I don't want to be a dick or anything, so ..."
And lastly, thank you very much for the kind words, as well as the constructive criticism. Getting a bit adverb-happy is something I need to work on (I need to trust that I'm conveying the proper mindsets of my characters without trying to "steer" the readers there), so thanks especially for pointing that out. I'm also happy you're willing to put up with it, because that's honestly going to be a pretty tough habit for me to break, I think.
[Report This]Date: January 04 2024 11:19 AM Title: Callie vs. the Minimalist Mini
Excellent starting of a great story. Can't wait until the next chapter. I did find myself amused by the description at the start. Best of luck for coming chapters
Author's Response:
I'm glad someone out there is enjoying by my ranting!
And I appreciate both your compliment and your encouragement.
[Report This]Date: January 04 2024 5:32 AM Title: Callie vs. the Minimalist Mini
This is a crazy good start, especially for a first story. Can't wait for more.
Author's Response:
I should note that this isn't the first thing I've ever written. Nothing fetish-related that I've written (or at least started) over the years has really been noteworthy (and is kind of embarrassing, looking back), and none of it made it onto this site.
I feel pretty good about this one, though, so I'm glad you enjoyed it as well. Thanks for the kind words!
As for not being able to wait for more, I'll see what I can do about that, but I can't promise anything.
Date: January 04 2024 2:15 AM Title: Callie vs. the Minimalist Mini
Wow, what a great start. I'm hooked, can't wait to read the rest!
Author's Response:
Awesome! I'm glad you feel invested enough to want to see what happens next. I can't say when I'll be able to put the next chapter together, but comments like this help motivate me to try and do so sooner rather than later.