[Report This]Date: February 22 2024 11:12 PM Title: Ch 4. Conventional Love and Fighting Giant Monsters
The contrast between Lynn and Jackie when it comes to pursuing a relationship really serves this story well.
It made total sense that Lynn would bed somebody early into the story (hell, I'm impressed she was able to hold out for almost three whole chapters!). Shy, quiet Jackie was always going to take more time before even going on a date, let alone providing us with glorious, glorious smut, especially when the object of her affection is someone like Pierce, who's a little more sociable but mostly the same as her.
So what we end up with as a story that gives us an intense sex scene without much waiting but still has a little bit of that slow burn quality to it at the same time. This is an excellent use of the story's main premise.
As for that slow burn, you've done a really good job with bringing Jackie and Pierce along. Where there was at least some mystery of who Lynn would go after (I was thinking Alena ever since Lynn had to save her boobs from that eraser, but Heather would have made sense as well), it was telegraphed pretty early that Jackie and Pierce were into each other. But the lack of mystery there is definitely a good thing, as watching them awkwardly stumble through trying to make their feelings known makes the reader go from "Oh, they'd be cute together" to "Man, I really need to see these two together." You've built up a lot of anticipation for this (and not even just for the smut; even just seeing them going on a date next chapter [assuming that's where you're going next] is kind of exciting now), and you cranked that shit up in this chapter.
I'm really enjoying how dense and nervous Pierce is. I cracked up pretty hard at that whole "maybe I should wait five seconds" "shit, it's been ten seconds" bit (as well as Jackie's concern about "the implication"; I hope she got the tone right in her head when she thought that). And the way he didn't even realize that she chose saving him over winning the game (even though it wasn't real, it was in the heat of the moment) was adorably clueless. Still, I'm glad Javi was able to force his hand and that he was able to come out streets ahead on this one.
As for Jackie, it was refreshing to see her thinking a bit more sensually in this chapter. I loved the setup of her planning to find the right time to "accidentally" have him fall into her cleavage only for her naturally protective instincts to keep it from happening on its own. It's also cute how she thought she was coming off as needy asking him for help with that gaming PC. While that's not the natural way one would interpret asking for a simple favor like that, that she thought this shows that actually she was yearning for him. Oh, and I liked that having Pierce on her shoulder kept her relaxed around the bigs in a way that not even having Lynn with her seems to.
Also, I called attention to this in my last review, but I want to say again how cool it is that you've developed a big that truly has a tiny's mentality. The fact that Jackie disassembled the PC to clean it just so Pierce wouldn't get sick when he was crawling around in there may have driven this point home more than anything else up until this point. I don't think even the most thoughtful or caring big would have even given a thought to how the inside of a used computer might look to a tiny, not because of a lack of sympathy for their smaller counterparts but simply because little details like that just don't naturally come to mind. Yeah, her cleaning out the PC shows that she really cares for Pierce, but maybe more significantly, it displays a thought process entirely different from those of the bigs. This was an incredibly well thought out tidbit to the story!
And the AR game was pretty cool. Man, I hope we can approach that level of immersion with AR tech here in the real world one day.
I think Javi is approaching this love rhombus (I'm sticking with it) he's trapped in rather well. He's aware enough to know that he needs to pay attention to little things such as likes on social media when dealing with the girls. That level of diplomacy will help keep things civil, at least for a while. I also like that he neither seems in a rush to pick one of the three girls nor tries to string them along. I think a lot of people would be either pressured or tempted in his situation, and it says a lot about him that he's just going at his own pace and not worrying about it too much.
His hang out with Heather is a good example of this. There was nothing inherently romantic about them walking around together. He handled her calling him out about that three-pointer line perfectly. That "pretty much" conveyed both that he likes to engage in a bit of harmless flirting from time to time and that her coming to watch his games wouldn't be taken as a sign of them being in a relationship but would just be a casual thing.
Heather also handled things pretty well, I think. The whole conversation came off as friendly in tone, with her not seeming in any way to be needy or trying to claim territory. So far, I think the banter between these two is the most natural (although we admittedly haven't seen quite as much of Michelle or Shawna yet). I also enjoyed Heather's tit-for-tat approach (if I go watch you, you have to come watch me). Intentional or not, that let her know that he was just as willing to support her as she was willing to support him. And that led to them setting a goal together, which was pretty sweet, even if they end up as just friends (I'm still pulling for Heather, though).
But maybe the most profound part of that conversation was Javi's "no one else will for me" line. I wasn't expecting something quite so deep out of him, honestly. That kind of wraps his confident persona in a blanket of humility and frames it in a whole different light. The line between confident and cocky is a narrow one, and that sort of thinking helps balance him out as he walks along it.
Lynn handles that balancing act in an entirely different way. She's definitely cocky but not in a malicious way. She's just so confident in herself that she truly believes it when she says things like, "You're the prettiest girls he's ever talked to. Aside from me, of course," (also note that she was saying that to her TWIN, so it's kind of like she complimented herself twice). That, in an odd way, makes her cockiness almost inspiring and definitely alluring, particularly to someone like Alena, who's clearly lacking in the confidence department. It also makes the tiny twin fearless (I loved the way she told that big jerk off). And, ultimately, and unlike a lot of cocky people, she's a caring person, looking after her sister and looking out for her friends. All of this makes some traits that I would normally not care for really endear me to Lynn.
Like I mentioned above, Alena's confidence is still a work in progress. She took a big step at the end of the last chapter, but here she projects her worries and concerns onto Lynn at times. She absolutely is the type to fuss and fawn over a girlfriend (especially when she can fit in the palm of Alena's hand), and it was sweet that she tried to bury all of that and let Lynn have her fun (and she was right about not being able to cage a free spirit like Lynn, another thing I love about the tiny). In the end, though, he fears won out and she wouldn't let her keep going.
That's why I think dating Lynn will be good for her. It'll take some time, but being around Lynn so much will help loosen her up over time, I think. And who knows, maybe, just maybe, dating Alena will teach Lynn some humbleness and slow her down a bit. I can see why people wanted Lynn and Heather together (that opening segment showed how great their rapport is), but this is why I think Alena was a better match for her. Alena and Lynn will grow through each other and balance each other out, which makes for a much more interesting coupling.
I am looking forward to Heather and Lynn sneaking away and doing more irresponsible things, though.
Author's Response:
The amount of main characters in this story has been such a boon for the overall pacing. By having the different characters' relationships proceed at speeds that make sense for those characters, I get to flip between immediate sexual gratification from one couple to adorkably awkward will they/won't they from another. It's also fun exploring how different personalities explore love differently and the very different dynamics of these pairings.
It's great to see Jackie and Pierce have become a "must see" couple. I figured Lynn and Alena would be a hit because I'm almost as confident in Lynn as she is in herself, and Alena's lack of confidence makes her a perfect foil with room to grow, but with more reserved/nervous characters like JP there's that concern I cross the line from endearing into either tedious or boring. They are easy to write, though. I'm going to pretend the "five seconds / ten seconds" bit wasn't the most relatable thing I've ever written lol. And when my mind starts wandering, it more often comes back to scenes I have planned for these two than the other couples for whatever reason, both the sexy and the wholesome. I'm definitely excited to get the next chapter finished (which certainly won't take as long as getting this one out did, I dearly hope) as you correctly assumed it will be focused on a fun first date.
We are getting ever closer to actually confronting the rhombus (i.e. giving Shawna and Michelle some time in the spotlight). I am still a bit nervous about pulling the whole thing off in a way that's entertaining and satisfying to the general consensus, but I won't truly know if I succeeded or not until its over and out there, and I should probably be more confident in my ability to write mixed size romances by this point lol. You hit the nail on the head with how I intended to characterize Javi and Heather this chapter. Javi's very much a go with the flow kind of guy. He's not going to make any commitments sooner then he has to. As for Heather, we'll delve a bit deeper into this later, but she's just happy to make friends who actually care about her and not her bank account, that takes precedence over "claiming territory" (granted, there's more than one way to go about a conquest).
Lynn is a special kind of arrogant, one in which she believes the people in her fold are just as entitled to happiness as she is. Sure, she's prettier than them all (even her girlfriend and her IDENTICAL TWIN), but she isn't going to treat anyone lesser for simply not being on her level. Whether you believe she's as great as she thinks she is is up for the reader to decide, but that won't matter to her because she already has decided. Just don't cross her or anyone she cares about, or you'll be subject to her righteous fury.
Thank you so much for the thorough analysis. It always feels good knowing I'm conveying these characters how I intend to and that the things I'm setting up for are getting picked up along the way.