[Report This]Date: October 04 2023 2:55 AM Title: Chapter 8 - Toe to Toe
“Titty looks hornier than I’ve seen her in a while, and both you and your little lover might want to brace for what comes next.”
Now there's a scary thought! Is that even possible?! Pokémon must be an aphrodisiac for her, right up there with breathing, moving, and someone who has a beating heart!
Kim slipping a bit into her streamer persona and simulating a Pokémon battle was a clever way to make sure Jen was comfortable with their newfound size difference. Seeing things from Jen's perspective, we get no hint of fear at all from her, and she seems to jump into competitive mode pretty much right away. Jen doesn't even hesitate to go under Kim's foot as it's descending in the hope of attaining victory. I know she trusts Kim not to squish her, but she was so into the battle that it wasn't even a thought for her.
Also, when Kim said she would make Jen feel helpless, my mind went to a lot of places. I have to admit, though, her wearing Jen's edible underwear on her toes wasn't one of them. Between that and crushing the figurine, she was pretty creative in taking away any semblance of control Jen may have had before going down, and she even managed to do it without even touching her. In fact, Jen initiated all contact during the whole battle, yet she felt like she was fighting an uphill, almost futile battle the entire time. That kind of mental, gentle domination fits Kim's character really, really well.
I actually had a bit of a realization (or misread) during their "battle." When we first met Kim, she seemed like she had kind of over her streaming gig for awhile, trying to find a more adult way to make money (investing). In fact, she has kind of had a more "adult" air about her throughout the story (at least to me). But here, she was really into her game with Jen; her enthusiasm felt real, rather than manufactured ala streaming personality. And while reading the scene, I realized (I think) that the reason Kim has stuck with streaming as a profession for as long as she has is at least partially because it allows her a certain level of closeness with Jen. Yeah, I'm sure they'd still be friends and even screw around some even if they didn't work together, but I think the extra time they get to spend streaming together is important to Kim.
I mean, it's already been hinted at that Kim wants a real relationship with Jen. Holding on to excuses to spend more time with her doesn't seem like too much of a stretch.
And Claire on commentary was just adorable! That stick-up-her-ass professor mentality she showed at the start of the story is already paying dividends as she begins to show a softer, more fun side, but gradually and without jumping into anything crazy (it would be weird if she suddenly became Titty, after all). I enjoyed Claire more here because of that harsh exterior we saw in the first few chapters, and I'm interested to see if that effect continues to build as the story continues.
I'm very interested to see what Titty has in mind for our streaming duo next chapter. I could see her getting really creative. I could also see her fingering herself as she attacks Kim's vagina with Jen in her other hand. She's pretty unpredictable!
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for the continued comments!
Yeah, Titty is always up for a fun time, but unlike Livy and Missy, she wasn't really involved with the size community, beyond the stories she'd heard from her friends. After living through a month of the lovebirds talking about their super kinky sexcapades, Titty was getting very curious. Now she's in the thick of it, and she's beginning to experience an awakening...
I went back and forth on how to showcase this chapter a few times, but ultimately I concluded that Kim's approach would be an extreme version of her approach thus far: she would do ALMOST nothing. She would let Jen tire herself out playing around, and then she would be there to set Jen on a path they could both enjoy. I also came to this route because one of the greatest expressions of power, is not needing to demonstrate it, and still having it be felt. A character who goes crazy dominating someone with physicality can show they are, with effort, in control. But someone who does not need to struggle, who does not need to fight, who does not even need to act to impose their will -- that is power.
Also, this approach was cute, tailored to Jen's sense of humor, and was fun to write, even if it deviates significantly from most foot-focused content out there. This was Jen's introduction to shrinking, and everyone involved wanted it to be fun. So, it was framed in terms Jen would jump into - a real life video game.
I like your interpetation of why Kim keeps streaming. I probably won't make any obvious statements or revelations about it in the work, so I'll just say it's pretty close to my own interpretation of Kim. I know I haven't done much from her perspective so far, mostly just showing her being the responsible side of their relationship, but that's in part because I really want this next chapter to land with the impact of a hero team-up with a penchant for hero landings and 0 shits to give about collateral damage.
I'm thoroughly enjoying peeling back Claire's professional façade, one layer at a time. I have half of her chapter written already, even though it won't happen for a little while, because I'm so excited to show what happens when she decides to get out of her own way.
As for Titty, well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see how creative Titty can be.
[Report This]Date: September 20 2023 6:23 AM Title: Chapter 7 - On Target
So yeah, I'm really hyped for Kim and Jen's bit of fun with the shrinking serum now!
First and foremost, I really, really like the way Jen's perspective was handled in this chapter. The false bravado from her narrative point of view blended well with the slightly timid way in which she actually spoke and acted to paint a picture of someone trying to psyche themselves up before doing something big. And the way she shit on Stella to help build her confidence was not only entertaining but relatable as well. I think pretty much everyone has looked at someone else's reaction to a tense or scary situation and used it as a way to motivate themselves at one time or another.
I also thought Jen's observations around the room were also handled well. I appreciated the description she gives us of what's happening with Ronnie, Dick, and company while going through the setup for her own time as a tiny. It made the room feel busy, which it should be, given all that's happening at the same time. And with her attention being split between Claire and Kim and the people at the other table, I liked that we only got bits and pieces of what was happening with the latter group. Jen obviously wouldn't know what was happening over there, and seeing that situation develop from a more distant perspective was not only fun, but it gave the room depth as well, if that makes any sense.
Oh, and I love the idea of the cum cannon, especially with Ronnie taking aim. Even when she's just in the background, she seems to find a way to steal the show.
Back to Jen's false bravado, I think that set up Kim's pep talk quite well, and it felt really impactful in that moment. I think Jen was so focused on hyping herself up and ignoring her fear that those words were exactly what she needed to hear to put herself at ease. I came out of that passage with a feeling that Jen was finally actually ready to go down, so to speak. And it really let Kim shine in a way that I don't think she has up until this point (I think she's been great so far, don't get me wrong, but up until that point I found myself being more drawn to other characters).
I'm also not the least bit surprised that Kim and Jen don't want the restraints. Kim likes to be in control, although I wouldn't describe her as controlling. I don't think she needs to have things go the way she wants them to, but at the same time, she's definitely a domme. She has an air of maturity and seems in control of herself, but really likes to dictate how things are going to go when she can.
And her love for Jen becomes more obvious with each chapter (not that it was a secret in the first place). Between that little speech and other small things, such as having Jen's bowl ready for her before she even arrives when we first meet the pair, it's pretty clear that she wants more than friendship (that talk about Jen's family also showed this, of course). It has to be frustrating for her to see Jen, who's perfect for her, so desperate to appease a family that doesn't seem to want her (at least from Kim's perspective) that the younger girl won't truly accept the love of someone who does (her, obviously). But Kim being Kim, seems to focus only on what she can control and keeps that air of maturity even during that frustrating conversation. And all of that also makes her little pep talk that much more meaningful.
Also, I'm super excited to seeing how an unrestrained Kim makes Jen feel that sense of helplessness that she wants to feel. Also also, excellent work by them to pick a one-syllable safe word. They, too, must have read the first story.
I should also note that I appreciated Claire's detailed answers to that impromptu Q&A. In particular, I was glad to see that I guessed right about them selling the experience rather than the product itself. It was also really smart of our favorite uptight professor to use the prospect of gaining a voice on how such tech is used to try to seal the deal with prospective investors. Dangerous, but smart.
And it was subtle, but it seemed as though Claire was having a bit of a hard time containing her excitement at supervising our streaming duo. She continues to soften that hard façade as the story marches on, and I love the way that's being handled. Nuance is always appreciated.
Finally, if I understood correctly, Elise is about to reinstall the microSD cards that Livy took out of her (you know, the ones that made her almost murder Missy and invade the interwebs) because she thinks the Fab Four are trying to hold something back for the presentation, right? That should end well.
In any case, I'm looking forward to seeing what shenanigans Hal 69,000 gets up to after all that.
[Report This]Date: September 19 2023 9:29 PM Title: Chapter 7 - On Target
"[Titania] licked her lips and around her mouth, extending the tips of her tongue around her mouth far enough to go past her chin..." Jesus Christ! Wow! Damn! Giving Larkin Love a run for her money.
Loved getting Stella's inner monologue. She honestly has every right to be freaking out at what's going on around her, specifically since no one informed her beforehand, and as much as I (and our main characters) would love to be in this position, it's refreshing to get the "normal" perspective of not wanting to be shrunken to absurd proportions.
Jen was also really well characterized here. Her somewhat nervous enthusiasm serves as a great contrast to Stella's extremely nervous repulsion, and it was so satisfying to see her mentally shut down and disregard Stella's preaching. That brief moment with Kim where she reassured Jen she'd be safe was sweet, and I enjoyed the conversations they had with Claire.
It'll be interesting to see where the story goes with Elise inserting the forbidden protocols into Aidra (assuming she succeeds in doing that, which feels likely). The whole "the Fab Four are to show the investors everything mentality, including glitchy beta builds, is a huge oversight on Elise's/Vanessa's part (though it may very well fit into Vanessa's master plan, I'm still working out her exact angle). The thought of the Fab Four's hard work being sabotaged (potentially to disastrous levels) by their corporate overlord is frustrating and makes for a compelling narrative.
Criticisms for this chapter: The story gets difficult to visualize once it gets techy (namely, the ring and bowl around Dick's dick, and Elise activating the spider bot). It took me a while to figure out what was going on with Dick. I understood what the shapes were and where they were going, but having no clue as to their purpose (especially in relation to Ronnie) had me confused about what was happening until Dick started shooting. I got the impression you were being intentionally vague since this was from Jen's perspective, and while I loved that a couple chapters ago with Ronnie, here it just made it hard to parse what was happening as opposed to leading me to want to fill in the blanks. With Elise, I think some analogies/similes or more plainspeak description of what the drone looks like, what it's doing, how small it is, etc. would help (or it could just be me being dumb, it wouldn't be the first time). Also, there were quite a few typos this chapter. That's not something I'd normally note, but there were enough here to distract me from an otherwise solid chapter.
I think it's commendable that you kept up a consistent release schedule for as long as you did, and please feel free to break those deadlines with a sledgehammer. I could never be that orderly with my releases, and if I were, it would lead to a noticeable drop in quality. I respect that you've been really consistent up to this point with few signs of rushing. Personally, I find keeping a less strict timetable (something like once a week or so vs. every week on specific days) helps keep me on track without stressing me out, but I know everyone writes differently, so I hope you can find a schedule that works best for you. And yeah, this stuff does not take priority. Do whatever you need or want to do instead, the smut can come after. I will wait however long you want me too, so keep up the great work!
Author's Response:
*Awkward head scratch* Ehehehe, yeah, this wasn't my best showing. I'd been away from my PC too long, and ended up banging out 80% of this chapter in the dark corner of a McDonalds on my phone's Notes app. The editing was... rushed, to say the least.
Regarding your wonderful feedback: Titania is big on the self-body modification, and tongue stretching and splitting are both real proceedures with varying degrees of effectiveness (varies person to person). Larkin Love would be a good comparison.
Stella is in a very real, if metaphorical, crucible. This is where Victoria gets to see just what kind of person she is when someone turns up the heat. Meanwhile we get that convenient reminder of just what a normal reaction to being tiny and at the mercy of strangers would be like (because I haven't played up this angle, but Stella knows NOBODY here. Except for a couple brief meetings in disguise, she's never met these people before.)
I'm glad Jen's personality is still coming across as intended. She's the youngest in the room (aside from Stella) and her income is entirely based on sitting her her room playing video games (gross oversimplification, I know, apologies to any streamers who read this), which means her exposure to potential physical harm, and to such an unbalanced power dynamic, is something she generally left behind. I think she's doing well so far.
Ah, yes, the sabotage. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.
As for the criticisms, they are 1000% valid. I shouldn't sacrifice on quality for the sake of a regular release schedule. This isn't a commission or a patreon.
I'll have to give this one a partial rewrite - not to change events, but to improve description. Clarify that the drone is basically a stout box with OLED panels for sides, six transparent legs manipulated by thin wires coming from the box, and a tiny camera on the end of a wire sticking out the front, and it's compact enough to fit in a lady's purse along with her other essentials.
As for Titty's toy, that was a last-minute choice from a pool of gadget ideas that had been bumbling around in my brain. I can picture Titty coming up with a concept for a cock ring that functions as a Cum Cannon. That's just who she is. I roughly conceptualized it as a tool to restrict flow and enhance a tiny's ability to aim, but again... I rushed this one.
And that rush showed itself in several ways, such as the myriad typos and really substandard descriptions. After all the help and encouragement I've received, I owe it to you all, and I suppose to myself as well, to give you quality, and this wasn't it.
Again and always, thanks for the review. It means a lot.
[Report This]Date: September 14 2023 10:43 PM Title: Chapter 6 - Presenting Sensual Shrinking
Stop teasing me with Claire and Titty and just have them fuck already! God!
*Cough* *Cough* Ahem... Sorry about that. Not sure what came over me just now.
Anyway, this chapter kicked ass. A satisfying release to the five chapter buildup, and it's only the start of the demonstration.
I found it interesting how you showed the demo through Kim's and Ronnie's perspectives, down to them forgetting and remembering names. I particularly liked how you made some parts inaudible, like Stella's muttering, forcing the reader to do some legwork to fill in the blanks just as the character has to. It made for engaging reading in an already engaging chapter.
Titty excelled this chapter, getting to see both her professional and her enticingly unprofessional personas at their fullest. Cosplaying as an actual succubus (I'm assuming she's wearing a Morrigan Aensland costume until you or the prose tell me otherwise) is choice as hell. And her scooping up Missy with her cleavage? *Chef's kiss*
Tiny dom is still great and always welcome. It was fun to see Ronnie's aspirations reach their climax. I haven't read much with foot-tall tinies, so I enjoyed seeing some of the interactions you came up with between her and Dick (and Dick's dick). I wish I was better at analyzing the smut parts of smut beyond just telling you it was hot, but this chapter was extra hot and that's all I can think of to say.
Author's Response:
Good things come to those who wait. And wait... and wait... and now I'm getting impatient. I could mention that, hypothetically, were such a thing to happen, it might, hypothetically, be planned for a particularly impactful scene closer to the hypothetical climax of the story.
I'm glad to hear the payouts on the build-up are landing. I'm also relieved that my attempt at a protraying the presentation from the viewpoint of a member of the crowd was engaging, rather than seen as frustrating or a cop-out. I rewrote that presentation four times, going back to my first idea on the fourth rewrite (if you're curious, the second attempt was from Missy's POV, seeing their reactions up-close, but it focused too much on Titty's jiggly chest, and the warm, soft hands holding her, and then the faceplant into those warm, form-fitting funbags... why didn't I go that route again? Oh, right, focus on the audience members. The third attempt was from Stella's perspective, but she was so busy freaking out herself, that it overrode any of the other characters' reactions. So, Ronnie's POV it was.)
Titty picking up Missy with her chest was a very in-the-moment addition. Titty needed a big, bold action to shock people out of their preconceptions, and to get Rochard out of his funk and into the mood, and she wasn't going to just hit on him when she's rooting for Ronnie. Then, as I was rewriting that scene the last time, it felt like a muse had come out from the wilderness of the mythic and snogged the idea in front of me. It was too good to pass up.
Tiny dom is where this started, but it won't be where it ends. At least not exactly. I definitely want to branch out, and play on some other interesting scenarios. And similar to yourself, twelve inches is bigger than I'm used to, and generally speaking bigger than I would typically prefer for a standalone tiny, but given the number of shrinkie's, and the range of sizes on display here, I felt at least one character at a foot tall had to be included to spice up some of the scenes yet to come.
Thanks again for reading, and for the review. The feedback helps a ton, even if it's just another acknowledgement that someone read the story and didn't hate it. It helps give a boost to motivation and productivity.
[Report This]Date: September 13 2023 4:34 AM Title: Chapter 6 - Presenting Sensual Shrinking
Wow, it seems like Ronnie read the first story before making the trip to Middleton!
I wouldn't exactly call myself a fan of M/f, but I thought the scene with Ronnie and Dick was really well done. The way Ronnie naturally took control with Richard was pretty fun to read, and it was rewarding to see her help him break through his fear of overstepping with her. Like I said before, he deserved that release (both metaphorical and literal), and Ronnie deserved to be the one to give it to him. And "Big-Titty" getting involved was an unexpected bonus!
I also liked seeing Titty showing off Missy to everyone from Ronnie's POV. Little details, such as Ronnie's shock, the distance between Stella and her, and Stella's own stunned reaction combining to make it so Miss Vale could only hear Titty's side of the conversation, are much appreciated, as always. Ronnie's observations on the Asian gi-er, Jen and Kim were fun, too. There was just something about the way Jen's youthful excitement and Kim's subtle dominance came off from her perspective that made the would-be couple all the more endearing to me.
And if I understood Ronnie correctly (and I'm remembering correctly from a few chapters ago), it looks like Dick is going to go all the way down to one inch when it's his turn to shrink, right? That seems like something Ronnie would do. She's used to being in the driver's seat in Richard's life, and it's only fair that he has to work his absolute hardest to please her after giving her the female equivalent of blue balls for the past five years.
Speaking of Jen's youthful excitement, though, her reactions to Missy were super cute, as was her reaction to Ronnie being shorter than her. Even her freaking out a bit when she hurt Missy's ears was cute. Between that and her sudden fear of shrinking when she saw the models (and Kim talking off that particular ledge) were a good reminder of her good nature and fun-loving ways after we glimpsed a potentially darker side to her last chapter. I'm really enjoying the nuance with which we're getting to see the complexity behind her character.
And Kim always feels like the adult in the room, especially around Jen. She comes off as caring, yet in control and just a bit playful when the situation calls for it. I thought it was a bit bold, though not inappropriate, for her to hand-deliver Missy to Ronnie directly, rather than just giving the eight-inch redhead back to Titty. I'm not sure if Kim or Jen are getting tiny first, but I'll be particularly interested to see how Kim handles being a tiny domme.
Going back to appreciating the little details, I loved how Missy seemed in control when she was being shown off to the investors. Even at eight inches tall, she has to be in charge, and that's exactly how she came off here. Yeah, we've seen this before when she was tiny, but that was exclusively with Livy. Keeping her wits about her and using those small talk skills noted earlier in the chapter to be in command when addressing five strangers much, much larger than her isn't only impressive, it's consistent with the character we've been presented with as well. And not seeing that from her perspective, where we could have just been told that was what she was doing, makes the observation that much more enjoyable.
Claire's attraction to Titty is getting a little more blatant as the story goes on. Is that the professor's slowly diminishing inhibitions projecting onto the reader?
I also liked that Olivia took a backseat in this chapter. I love her character, and, as I said last chapter, I'm digging the narratives from her perspective, but I think seeing less of her here gave the other three members of the Fab Four, particularly Titty, a chance to really shine.
I also think Titty was the perfect choice to deal with the investors directly with Missy. She showed more professionalism than I would have expected, and her ability to blend that with her sexually explicit nature was the ideal combination for a presentation like this. I think Claire and maybe even Livy would have struggled to be half as bold as Titty was when talking with said investors, let alone suck the only dick in the room.
Finally, it was a small thing, but I loved how Missy picked up on the tension Stella was directing at her, as well as her speculation on where said tension came from. Getting slightly more background on Missy and Victoria's relationship was interesting, and her not being sure whether Victoria helped her down her current path was due to her sister legitimately wanting to help her or just trying to get her out of the way says a lot about what's shaping up to be a pretty odd relationship between the two.
And, again, that tension also shows that Stella is just terrible.
I kept saying that all of that setup early on was going to pay off when we got to the good stuff, and this chapter didn't disappoint! I look forward to seeing what you've got coming next!
Author's Response:
Hahaha, I'm not sure about reading the story, but now that you mention it, Olivia has Aidra's video file of that encounter... I would so sell tickets to see that in a theater. Though, I think it's more likely Missy's brief wispering in Ronnie's ear gave her some ideas for how to approach this, and she took them and ran with them.
I'm absolutely loving writing for Ronnie's character, and I'm looking forward to a couple scenes in particular where she takes charge, or is taken charge of.
The Showcasing of the Tiny had to happen. It's a paradigm-shifting technology, one which can feel very empowering, until you're staring down a barrel of the solution headed your way. With Ronnie as the main focal character for this chapter, it felt right to have her be our witness to the unveiling. Also, as the one with the least skin in the shrinking aspect, I felt she could give the most honest read of the situation, without projecting her own fears, fetishes (I'm looking at you Jen), or ignorance of events (Stella) onto the scene.
I very much see Jen as a delightful wildcard of youthful exhuberance, tempered by the shadow of her family's culture. She's a different kind of exhuberance and energy from Titania, and I think this story needs her. Especially for this next chapter.
And yes, Titty 100% agreed with you, she had to be the one presenting the product. She's an established businesswoman with her lifestyle seeped in throwing off the shackles of shame where sex is concerned. She could not only see how something amazing could come from this awkward scenario, but could show that path to the others (except maybe Stella, who is kinda in a state of shock right now). After all, who better to tempt them all than a succubus?
Melissa Vane may have stepped off of the Vane Family's Path to Success, but she definitely started there. While she is now on a different path from the family business, ahe can still read the signs she was trained on as a young woman, which helps when dealing with her sister, or her sister's lackeys, or her sister's competition.
I'm glad to see the seeds planted in the early chapters are starting to bear healthy fruit. I definitely plan for that to continue throughout the rest of the story, building to a climax on what has come before. I hope you find that the next chapter delivers!
[Report This]Date: September 12 2023 8:28 PM Title: Chapter 5 - Travel Plans Within Plans
Haven't read the latest chapter yet, but I wanted to get my thoughts down on Ch. 5.
A lot of interesting backstories going on here. Ronnie and Dick are still a delight to see. The details of Ronnie's background certainly add an intriguing layer to her character (was not expecting her landlord's grandson to be extorting her). Dick continues to be great, with his past mistakes heavily shaping his mindset and motivating him to be very respectful of Ronnie (sometimes more than she'd like). Though, perhaps his mistakes aren't as egregious as he believes them to be. Or maybe they're worse, I dunno. I like that we only know about what he did wrong from his perspective, so it's currently unreliable as to how he should be judged.
Kim and Jen's situation makes a lot more sense now. Also an unexpected development, these backstories are really creative. Their flirting (or whatever you want to call it) was also a treat.
I think it speaks volumes how hard I'm rooting for our protagonists against their opposition. I hate (in a good way) manipulative characters like Vanessa and Stella doing so much to undermine all our protagonists hard work. I can only hope they both have some sort of comeuppance coming their way, but great work on the antagonists.
A small criticism: some of Kim and Jen's dialogue felt heavy-handed, specifically when they were revealing details of each other's past. I like that you revealed most of that stuff through dialogue (for the other characters as well), but a lot of details seemed like things the two of them should already know about each other, so the way they explained it came across as if they were talking to the audience directly about their backstories. I noticed this with Elise in the last chapter too, it's just a bit awkward having these big chunks of dialogue expositing information the person they're talking to should already know. Like, it's clearly being said for the reader's benefit, not the character's. This wasn't so much an issue with Ronnie because Dick didn't know about Crusher, so her explanation came off more naturally. (Sorry if this seems like a lot for a 'small' criticism. I over-explain my point to make sure I'm getting it across clearly. Honestly, it's mainly noticeable because of how good your dialogue and banter typically are).
Very excited to see where things go from here! I hope to have the next chapter read before 7 comes out!
Author's Response:
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!!! That is a major part of why I'm writing these, to build my skills with feedback from readers, and this feedback is huge! I'll try to keep that in mind moving forward.
I had conceptualized chapter 5 as my last chance to flesh out the bigger portions of the backstory before moving into the action, like why Kim and Jen aren't a couple, even though they would be good for each other. In hindsight, I definitely rushed it, and I feel like I rushed Chapter 6 too, or tried to squeeze too much into one chapter. Definitely need to work on that moving forward. At least we're moving into the shrinking-heavy sections, so the dialgoue should be a bit more bite-sized. Thanks as always for reading, and for sharing your insight and experience!
[Report This]Date: September 09 2023 6:47 AM Title: Chapter 5 - Travel Plans Within Plans
You know, when Elise and Stella were introduced a couple chapters ago, I wouldn't have guessed that the shady-dealing right hand of our megalomaniacal supervillain in the making would be the one I liked and the 19-year-old intern wannabe being used by said potential supervillain's company would be the one I despised. I'm really enjoying the flip on the tropes associated with their archetypes, though.
But damn, Stella is just so hateable. She was judging the Fab Four before she even met them, and her first impression of Olivia was just despicable. Going to Claire's rival like that could be a pretty smart move, though, depending on what Stella has planned once the disgruntled professor arrives at the presentation, so credit where it's due.
And I love how assertively Livy shut Stella down. We've been seeing that side of her building throughout the story, and I'm eager to see where that particular development goes.
So it's probably a bad sign that both Jen and Ronnie have already imagined using the shrinking solution for exactly the kinds of things that the Fab Four want to avoid. Jen came off as pretty cranky and judgmental, which surprised me a bit, but we were also introduced to a pretty good reason for her to be that way as well. Still, shrinking someone and sticking them in your shoes for being rude seems a bit much. And I laughed a bit when she suggested that the Fab Four invented this stuff to keep up with the college guys they want to fuck, since, you know, they all only want to fuck each other.
We also got our answer for why Kim and Jen aren't together. I have to admit, I thought Kim would have been the hang up based on the first time we saw those characters. I do feel bad for Jen, struggling to get accepted back into a traditional family that's probably never going to let her back in. Overall, her character is a lot more complicated and interesting than I initially expected.
Ronnie's idea for the shrinking solution seems a bit more justified than Jen's, but would obviously still constitute abusing the technology. Still, I can't blame her for wanting to shrink Crusher, nor can I say he wouldn't have it coming. And Ronnie wanting to do something like that does fit her personality pretty well, as she comes off as a bit of a wildcard. She continues to be my favorite among the new characters introduced in this story, which is a high compliment given my feelings about the rest of them.
Richard also continues to come off as really likeable too, though. The fact that he clearly wants Ronnie but has so much respect for her to not perv out on her, especially after learning about some of other exploits, makes him come off as admirable, rather than pervy. And his anger at learning about Ronnie's situation mirrored the readers, and I really like feeling the emotion of a scene alongside a character.
I'm looking forward to Ronnie finally helping him loosen up a bit. He deserves it, and so does Ronnie, for that matter.
Fruit Roll-up underwear? What a brilliant idea. I'm sure Livy's stomach will appreciate that this time around.
This was another excellent chapter! I'm excited to see things ramp up next chapter, particularly since we're starting off with Ronnie and Dick!
Author's Response:
I'm honestly not sure I could have made Elise nearly as off-putting as Stella without a lot more effort. The role of corporate spy / mercenary has darker connotations that we inherently accept, so to make her relatively unlikeable, let-alone downright loathsome in that situation, I would have had to build a much darker character than this story deserves just to sink her below the "acceptable" levels for her role. Rather, by making her something of an idealist - or rather a realist with noble intentions - I can elevate her outside the norm, and actually craft her into an interesting character.
And then we have Stella. There's a bit of a background with Stella that hasn't been fully explored yet, but taking an unknown character and putting her in a tough spot tends to garner 1 of 2 reactions: 1) Sympathy, or 2) Vindictiveness. For those who take the sympathy path, the scenes of her actively lying to our leading ladies undermines that, instantly dropping her into a very different position. That sympathy is gone, and something has to fill that hole, and it tends to be strong and negative, which lets me play with her later in fun ways that... I won't get into here. And for the vindictive crowd, they can find a kindred spirit in Stella, and then take pleasure in... later, as-of-yet undisclosed activities.
I adore Livy. She's not a self-insert character, but she's kind of an ideal character for me. She's empathetic, supportive, successful, and still growing as a person. She can also be trusted with basically absolute power over another, without abusing it beyond the enjoyment of both parties. Plus she's engaged to Missy, so that's a whole lotta kudos there.
Jen is... young, I think might be the best way to put it here. She's a grown woman, and she's been through a lot, but she still has that youthful verve that tends towards more extreme or absolute responses to things. Plus, she's fantasizing, not acting on it (yet, anyway. She has a very active imagination), so we have yet to truly see just how much of a bad girl she is.
I have to say, it's incredible how much this feedback between chapters helps with finalizing decisions, smoothing rough spots, and tailoring focus on the points that at least seem to be landing. Thanks again for the review! I'll be back with some action on Monday!
[Report This]Date: September 07 2023 2:50 AM Title: Chapter 4 - The Key is Yogurt
Yeah, don't worry about switching your timetable to two chapters per week instead of three. Two is pretty impressive in its own right, and you should be proud that you were able to churn out three per week at such high quality for as long as you did.
There were a lot of thing that were interesting about this chapter, but Elise stuck out to me the most. You've set up a very likeable "villain" in her, as it looks like she's the one who is actually going to do our heroes dirty, albeit at Victoria's behest. But you started when we fist met Elise last chapter, showing us that she sees the good beneath her boss's cold, ruthless exterior. Now we see exactly why she's so loyal to the elder Vane sister, and it's admirable that she clearly feels a need to pay back that debt, so much so that she almost seems nervous to disappoint Victoria, even when she doesn't have a reason to be.
I can also see Elise justifying what she's about to do by not really liking the Fab Four. We haven't necessarily seen that directly yet, but I don't think it's a coincidence that she chose the moment that the meeting went completely silly to stop listening and call her boss. I can see her no-nonsense attitude clashing with the more fun-loving attitude of our heroines. More importantly, after hearing her suggestion for how the shrinking solution should be used, I wouldn't be surprised if she was insulted at the group's idea of limiting its use to being sex accessory. In her mind, Elise is probably rescuing the solution from four sex-crazed idiot savants who would waste the potential of their inventions.
In short, I really like how we have five characters that the audience can get behind, even though one of them is on the opposite side and about to do some shady shit.
And obviously, I still don't trust Victoria as far as I can throw her or any other fictional character, for that matter. Everything she says makes logical sense, but she gives off the vibe that her motivations are more self-centered than she lets on. Her neutral reaction, rather than excitement, to Elise's pitch to use the shrinking solution on the battlefield screams that her motivations are impure, at least it does to me. This makes her a good villain, as you've written her in a way that you can't tell exactly what it is, but something just feels off about her.
Olivia acknowledging that being with Melissa has helped her become more assertive, which we've also seen from her in the previous chapters. In a lot of fictional romances, there's a lot of talk about how couples complete each other or make each other better, but it's good to actually see it than to have the characters just give lip service about it.
So obviously Claire has a thing for Titty. That makes a lot of sense to me. I said early on that I thought Claire has a wild side dying to escape, so it's only natural that she be drawn to the wild member of the group. I think it's funny that Olivia was so concerned that Titty wouldn't be ready for prim and proper Claire, but when Titty joined the conversation butt naked, Claire's reaction was one of lust rather than disgust. And Claire didn't seem the least bit phased by a naked Missy sitting in Livy's cleavage, so it isn't as though that would be her reaction to any nude women.
Also, seeing Claire, the supposed adult in the room, being dragged into their nonsense at the end of their part of the chapter (as well as her reaction to touching Titty) was pretty fun to picture.
It was also intriguing, although brief, to see Olivia hint that there's more to Titania than meets the eye when she reflected on Tara's tattoos and piercings. So far, even going back to Turnabout is Fair Play, Titty has been the zany, sexed-up, never-take-anything-seriously member of the band. If/when we dig into that something deeper that she's using all of that sex energy to hide behind, the payoff is going to be massive.
As always, Livy and Missy are super cute together. Olivia's smuggling operation was a very well written bit of entrapment, and writing it from her point of view gave it a different feel than most of the scenes like that that I've read. I know there were narrative reasons for this as well, but I think this helped the fetishy part of the chapter stand out as well. And everything else with them in the chapter, from Livy protecting Missy from Aidra to Missy feeding Livy to Livy protecting Missy from Titty, was just heartwarming and adorable to read.
Oh, and I'm loving Livy's narrative bits. I mean, all of the perspectives we've see thus far have been well written and fun to read, but I'm really enjoying the little bits of reflection and memories Olivia adds when we follow her.
Lastly, with these first few chapters into this new story, between the new characters and the introduction of some of the science and technical work behind everything, this world seems so much bigger than it did at the end of Turnabout. Yeah, that story focused almost entirely on two (or three, if you count Aidra) characters in a bedroom, but those small beginnings have only served to make the rapid expansion this story has provided feel that much bigger. It's honestly pretty impressive.
Not only that, but using those four weeks of setup (with a couple bits of fetish content here and there) have really built anticipation for the big presentation. I've really liked the story so far, but I'm pretty eager to see things ramp up in the chapters ahead, and the patient start to this story has only let the anticipation mount.
Author's Response:
Thank you for yet another insightful chapter review!
It's been an interesting set-up, putting Aidra on the back-burner as an obstacle overcome or danger passed by (except for Missy who will likely never forget that time spent waiting and wondering if she was going to be digested). Instead, we have a potential and growing source of conflict from characters who's interests diverge from our leading ladies. While our Fab Four are trying to bring joy and sexy times in a responsible manner, we have a collective willing to claim moral authority asking the important and potentially dangerous moral questions: if you have the ability to help, do you have the moral obligation to do so? Does someone else have the moral authority to step in and take that ability to help if you are unwilling /disconsiderate enough not to help? If your actions for the good of others will also have farreaching negative consequences as a side-effect, does this impact your moral authority? Does turning people into sexy little playthings for your enjoyment undermine your valorous attempts to save lives? Wait, I'm not sure any of the cast are asking that last question (yet).
It has been my intention thag all of our characters have different answers to these questions, based on their backstories, and how the kindness - or lack-there-of - experienced in their past colors the nuances of their answers. But for now, the exploration if those answers can wait. Tomorrow, we'll see scenes of everyone moving into town or preparing for the demo, and we'll get to see how people begin to approach problem solving when shringing an offensive individual becomes a possible course of action.
Titania and Claire started out as flavor text while I was still fleshing out Turnabout is Fair Play, but I have come to love and adore both of them. You are not wrong that the worldbuilding has grown the scope of this series significantly, even beyond what I originally envisioned. Once the demo is under way, don't be surprised if we see some cracks in Claire's prudish defense mechanism, and the scene where we learn about what drove Titania to such extensive body modification has already been written (though I'm still making edits - I want to do our succu-girl proud). I'm very excited to share that one.
Finally, with the Friday chapter, our anticipatory build-up chapters will come to a close. Monday will begin the demo, and that's when we will get to the sweet, chocolatey center of this story. Man, I'm so excited, I can't wait!
And as always, thanks for your kind review!
[Report This]Date: September 06 2023 2:13 AM Title: Chapter 4 - The Key is Yogurt
I'm blinded. By pseudo-science!
I'm enjoying the deep dives into the inner workings of Aidra and the shrinking solution. It's easy for lengthy, technical explanations to become mind-numbing and eye-glazing, but the stuff here is well-thought out and interesting enough to keep me engaged.
The banter and interactions continue to be great, especially between Titty and Claire (and damn, I get why they call her Titty now). Also, love the detail of nerdy college students printing their miniatures in a sex toy shop.
Author's Response:
Hahaha, thanks for the review! We're just about done with the lead-in chapters, so we shouldn't have to worry about anymore pseudo-science dumps. Instead, we get to play around with the pseudo-science to sexy, wholsesome ends.
I'm glad the banter's coming through strong. Now I just need to get the Fab Four in a room or on the phone with Victoria, so we can elevate things to villain banter. You can't have a villain without banter. Like the evil laugh, that's about standards.
And speaking of standards, I can't help but imagine a nerdy college student or two coming into the shop every other day or so to print out a goblin, orc, bugbear, or even a succubus miniature, while oogling - erm, referencing a real life succubus in her element.
[Report This]Date: September 03 2023 4:52 AM Title: Chapter 3 - The 200 Lb. Sexbot in the Room
Dick and Ronnie were huge pluses for me these chapters. Ronnie's inner thoughts were a great touch and helped flesh out how determined she is to get what she wants (i.e. the Feel of that Dick), and I loved the few interactions we got to see between them. Really curious as to how the size stuff will play out between them, especially with how nervous Dick is towards making advances. You mentioned there will be some M/f, and considering he's the only male character so far, I think I can confidently assume where this is going, and I'm looking forward to it.
Don't have much to say on Kim and Jen. Kinda confused why they're just friends struggling to find romantic partners while also mad horny for each other, but I trust that'll make more sense as the story goes on.
I hate Victoria, a lot, but in that intended way of she's the villain (or at least an antagonist), so I'm supposed to be rooting against her. That's the impression I get, anyway. So, good job on that.
I liked that you went into some of the science of how the shrinking serum works. You didn't have to because I just buy that sorta thing when it comes to this kind of content, but taking the effort to rationalize it is appreciated.
Great chapters, can't wait to get to the demonstration!
Author's Response:
Kim and Jen are one of those pairings that would work out well if something wasn't actively working against them. It could be a specific incident that one of them won't let go, it could be family related, or it could be a legal barrier, but there is a reason beyond the author being jealous of their happiness and vindictively keeping them apart.
I get that the method of shrinking is often treated almost as a universal law. The shrink gun works, because it works. You pull the trigger and someone shrinks, it's observable, and the evidence is irrefutable. For the purposes of the story, we can all accept that as the truth, without having to understand the why or how. I can respect this approach. It's a good way to avoid deviating from the focus of the story, which is usually playing out a power fantasy, or enjoying some smutty size-play. Establishing the How of the process here means that I can then use it down the road as justification for character actions, as well as expand upon the capabilities of the shrinking serum without it breaking immersion, assuming I treat the established rules respectfully. The shrinking serum is quick, but it's not easy to use in a public venue for a quick kidnapping, but it does have other potential dangers. After all, what would happen if we put Olivia back in restraints, with Melissa having some fun time in her tummy, when someone ignorant / malicious tries to free Olivia by shrinking her? How would that play out? Just some food for thought.
[Report This]Date: September 02 2023 8:18 AM Title: Chapter 3 - The 200 Lb. Sexbot in the Room
You weren't kidding about that nascent supervillain stuff, were you?
Our introduction to Victoria shows a dark, ruthless executive with just the slightest signs that there's some good in there somewhere. She seems incredibly intelligent and thorough, doing extensive research and putting together a multifaceted plan to ensure she gets access to that new tech. Her particular interest in the shrinking solutions is pretty frightening.
I will say, though, she's not wrong about what that tech will do to the market. As soon as the public becomes aware of it, there are going to be people everywhere trying to replicate each aspect of it and for the exact uses that the Fab Four are trying to avoid. Of course, Victoria getting first dibs on it won't prevent that, so her going so far to contain knowledge of it (and steal it) certainly has nothing to do with what's best for humanity going forward.
Seeing Victoria interact with Stella and Elise gave us some unique insight into our potential villain-to-be. The way she tries and mostly fails to present herself as friendly to Stella makes it pretty clear that she's not a people person. If Miss Warrens didn't want that internship so bad, I think she would have had a much harder time keeping her composure (which also shows how driven the 19-year-old is). Still, despite the threatening directive she gave at the end of the chapter, I got the feeling that Victoria legitimately likes Stella.
With Elise, we saw a darker side to the already unfriendly executive, although Elise also notes that this is a "mask" that Victoria wears when needed. So even though we didn't really see it here, there is a more human side to the elder Miss Vane. It's just a matter of whether Elise's concern that the mask is becoming the real Victoria is legit. Also, I like how Elise is loyal enough to Victoria because of that softer core to do the things that her boss' darker side needs done. That's an interesting dichotomy.
It was also pretty cool to see Melissa sniff out her sister's ploy to swipe controlling interest in Fab Four Fantasies. That showed that the family's business acumen rubbed off on her a bit, even if she's not getting involved in the family business (and that she knows her big sis pretty well).
Her nervousness at Aidra being involved in the trial is certainly understandable. I'm pretty excited about it, though. Maybe we'll get some answers into what exactly happened with her that night.
It was also intriguing to get a list of the sizes for the shrinking solutions. I think four inches is a pretty good size for the kinds of things the Fab Four want their tech used for, and the larger sizes offer some nice possibilities as well. Still, I personally wouldn't mind seeing someone explore things at one inch tall. I think that's a bit trickier for a story focused mostly on straight sexual stuff (there's only so much you can do at that size), but I'd be interested to see how creative someone might get to make that work (and, I admit, that's a size I tend to like in a lot of these stories).
Going back to your response to my last review, I think now that I know that Victoria and Veronica are two different people, it won't be confusing if they're both mentioned by their full names again. I just didn't put together Ronnie being short for Veronica, which really threw me off for a second. I figured it out pretty quick, though.
And did I read that right? Ronnie is a potential future main character?! I've got to admit, while I liked all of the investors introduced in the last chapter, Ronnie stood out to me the most. I'm looking forward to seeing more of her in this story, but I'd also already be down to see her in a future story as well. I've taken a liking to her pretty quickly.
Author's Response:
I'm generally of the opinion that the best villains don't set out to be evil. They set out to accomplish something that they believe needs to be done. It's when their actions tend towards dangerous extremes that they become true villains. Shrinking tech, and its further development, is a huge gamechanger. It will have societal impacts if it ever gets mainstream, and as with anything, that is just a matter of time. So here we have Victoria Vane, who is already responsible for funding the research that led to this discovery, and who has the learning and experience to see these far-reaching repercussions of its introduction to the world. How far will Victoria or Elise go to safeguard people, or the Vane family name? We will see.
If any of the Fab Four were able to sniff out Victoria's financial schemes, it would be Melissa. Despite Victoria being the clear choice to inherit the family business empire, Melissa would have been exposed to those tricks of the trades as she grew up. To what extent, well, that will be made clear somewhere down the road.
As for Ronnie becoming an MC? We'll have to see where these stories take us, but she's on my shortlist. I love how she's driven and feisty, and Veronica Vale feels like a classic comic book character name.
[Report This]Date: August 31 2023 4:11 AM Title: Chapter 2 - Invitations and Questionnaires
Fawkes, Iscariot, and Brutus, huh? I haven't seen a firm that loyal since Benedict Arnold opened his own firm in London.
This chapter let us jump right in and dive pretty deep into these four characters. They already feel pretty familiar to me, even though we just got a quick snapshot of each of them. This was an excellent job of establishing not only said characters but the relationships between them very quickly.
Richard comes off as a pretty good guy here, and he immediately drew sympathy from me for being accused of causing emotional distress just for rapping in the workplace (especially when you find out that the girls who came after him for it were listening to exactly what he was rapping). It makes sense that he's lost his mojo, and the way he goes so far out of his way to avoid even the appearance of using his height or position as Ronnie's boss to make her feel uncomfortable, even though he's clearly struggling to not pursue her, is pretty admirable.
Of course, it was pretty obvious even before we got to see things from Ronnie's POV that she was into Mr. Feel. Still, to learn just how into him she is was enlightening. And the revelation that she wants to move past being his personal assistant and be his partner made her taking on so much responsibility when she sent Richard home make so much more sense. From his POV, I thought she was just a super competent assistant who was going above and beyond because she had a thing for him. But now it's clear that she's preparing to step up.
I think their situation is an ideal one for what's coming, and their part of the chapter made me really eager to see what the Fab Four product line can do for them and those pesky inhibitions of Richard's.
Kim and Jen were also really intriguing to read. I was left wondering why Jen is looking elsewhere for love when she's clearly into Kim, but I feel like that thought implanted was by design. Maybe they just like being friends with benefits?
I do really like the classic pairing, though. Jen is a more carefree, what's-the-worst-that can-happen type who loves what she does for a living, while Kim is more of the no-nonsense, trying-to-be-an-adult type who has outgrown her streaming career and is looking for a way out. Still, we see Jen bring out the softer side in Kim, both through their interactions and even through the latter anticipating Jen's arrival with a prepared bowl of pasta. And Jen being comfortable enough to take Kim's ribbing about her fetish in stride shows just how strong the bond between the two really is.
One piece of constructive criticism, Veronica Vale sounds awfully similar to Victoria Vane. When I first read that name, I found myself wondering why Missy's sister was trying to partner up with Richard, as they previous chapter made it sound as though she was already a big deal in the business world and didn't see the value of investing in the sex industry. Then when I saw Veronica was Richard's personal assistant, I actually thought you had mistakenly put Missy's sister's name instead of Ronnie's. It wasn't until you noted that Veronica goes by Ronnie that I realized that her actual name just sounds and looks really similar to Victoria's.
So, for me at least, it threw me off to have two new characters introduced in straight chapters with names that are really similar (they both have the same amount of letters, alliteration with the letter V and even their last names are just one letter off).
Other than that, I actually did like that Ronnie's narrative started with her proper name and left us a few breadcrumbs to piece together before outright telling us it was her. It's just that the proper name made me mistake her for another character entirely for a minute.
Oh, and I love Ronnie as a nickname for Veronica. Is that common? This is the first I've heard it.
And overall, this chapter did a really good job of building anticipation for the investor presentation. I know dedicating chapters to setting things up isn't necessarily for everyone, but I love this kind of thing when it's done well, which it was here. I think the payoff will definitely be worth the wait.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the kind words, and the sound advice!
I'm glad to hear there's sympathy for Richard; I was a little worried about how he would be received. I'm looking forward to putting Ronnie in a playroom with him, and letting our little lady go to town. I don't want to touch on Jen and Kim's relationship too much outside of the story, I'm just pleased to hear the response was positive, and you're asking the questions I expected and hoped for.
I'll admit, I'm experimenting with a couple things as I write this story, and the similarity between the names of Veronica Vale, potential future protagonist, and Victoria Vane, possible nascent supervillain, was 100% intentional.
Characters with such similar names, both visually and phonetically, has long been a pet peeve of mine. Writing a story where the main or major characters have names like Sarah, Sasha, and Sarisha, is implicitly asking the reader to expend extra effort to keep track of who's who (and that goes double when you branch out to similar fantasy names). Adding that burden is something I never want to do. However, I wanted to challenge myself with this story, and "two characters with near-identical names" was one of the challenges I drew out of a hat. Now I just have to make it work. I'm hoping Ronnie's nickname and strong personality, and Victoria's self-descriptive name and pointed introduction in the next chapter will together be sufficient to keep the characters distinct with minimal strain as we move forward. *Fingers crossed for luck*
[Report This]Date: August 29 2023 9:26 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The Planning Meeting
It's great to see your new story is out! From the get-go, I'm excited to see how things play out.
I'm looking forward to seeing more of Claire and Titania since they played very minor roles in the first story. Already in love with Titania's design, spells out her personality and her dynamic in the group. Also, Olivia and Melissa continue to be adorable here, and it's enjoyable seeing them continue to make the most of their hard work. I really liked all the interactions the four had, especially during the recording where they snuck in quips to each other, with Olivia and Titania getting a rise out of Missy and Claire respectively. Again, really excited to see how each of the four's relationships play out.
I'm so jealous of your lexicon. You always seem to have the perfect word or phrase for every situation ("coquettish repose" being the standout this chapter). It makes the story all the more engaging. Like, beyond just the smut, I look forward to seeing what words you use to describe everything, whether it be sexy action or a description of a building.
As an aside, what's the age difference among the group? (sorry if I missed it somewhere). I originally assumed they were all the same age, but with Melissa being a student, Olivia having her doctorate, and Claire being a professor, I'm guessing they have at least a few years apart from one another.
Thanks for continuing to write. Your prose is awesome.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a review! I was hoping to get your take on this story.
I love character-driven stories, but I've always had more success building settings and plot than characters. Part of my drive to contribute to this site is that these stories almost have to be more character focused to make any impact, so I'm putting a much larger percentage if my effort into these characters than I would typically, and intentionally dialing back on my descriptions of the setting. I'm glad to hear that, at least as far our girls are concerned, it's paying off.
As for building my lexicon, it's come from a lot of time spent reading. To be frank, it manifests far less in a clear understanding of when to use which word, and more of a sense that the word I'm using is wrong and I can't afford for that to stand, so I should google "synonyms for demure," "synonyms for ladylike," and "synonyms for quietly sexy." At that point it's a process of elimination, or praying the next flex of my Google-fu is on point.
I haven't found a great way to introduce ages into the story, but they're all close in age, with Claire being a slight outlier. Livy is 29, Missy and Titty are 28, and Claire Bear is 34. All four are professional, driven women, who have devoted more time to study / work than relationships, though for Livy and Missy, the two were close enough that they were able to build something together while pursuing their careers. That's not to say Titania and Claire haven't had relationships, but beyond that, I think I'll focus on detailing their relationships in the story.
Thanks again for the review, and for the very welcome stroke to my literary ego.
[Report This]Date: August 29 2023 2:24 AM Title: Chapter 1 - The Planning Meeting
So where are they going to do the presentation for the investors, the Ross Geller Auditorium and Center for the Creative Arts?
Seeing the Fab Four together for the first time was pretty interesting. You did a really good job of giving us a quick glimpse of the different dynamics within the group. Obviously, Titania's teasing of "Claire Bear" took center stage, but the latter's interactions with Olivia and especially Melissa were perhaps more insightful. The unique balance between the professor-student dynamic and the friendship they formed when Claire was a TA (and probably Missy's natural need to be dominant) made her interactions with Melissa stand out for me, even though they weren't necessarily vital parts of the chapter. Likewise, the slightly more friendly manner in which Clair treated Olivia, who we learned is her academic peer, as well as the way Livy seemed to be able to "manage" Claire's seemingly rigid personality (more on that in a minute) shows a somewhat unique understanding between the two.
But Claire, being the new character (we didn't get much of Titty in the original story, but she's exactly what her brief appearance there advertised), caught my attention a bit more than the others. Of course, she comes off as very stiff and stuck up in this chapter, but we saw some cracks in that persona and maybe got a passing glance at that "pretty cool teaching assistant" sprinkled throughout. The way she accepted Olivia's "snack-bribe," Melissa's comfort in making fun of "the stick up her ass" despite not being on a first name basis with her, her blush at getting called out by Titty for wanting to be "the biggest one in the room," and even that little cough to make sure she got co-credit for the size reduction tonic: all of this hints at a softer, more fun-loving side that Claire's trying to conceal, seemingly because of her position with the college. I think that as the story advances, we might get to see Claire cut loose, and the seeds planted here will make that moment that much sweeter if she does.
So Missy's sister is their chief investor so far? That's interesting, especially once we were given some insight into that particular family dynamic. I wonder how Victoria will react when she learns that the Fab Four are sticking with their sex-oriented idea rather than marketing each product individually, which would probably be more profitable. Then again, maybe she should have expected this from a group of women working/studying at SMUT (I love that school name, by the way).
As far as the business discussion itself, I was glad to see that the Fab Four are trying to address potential misuse of their products, particularly all of those tonics. The potential for malicious misuse of chemicals that can alter size and memory is pretty ripe. I'm curious exactly how they plan to counter that. Maybe their plan is to open "clinics" and sell the experience rather than the products themselves? Otherwise, I'm not sure how they can regulate their products' use if it's available on shelves. I'll be interested to see what the group comes up with (or has already come up with) in this regard.
Oh, and in a minor note, I love the little quirks for each character in this chapter are much appreciated as well. It really helps bring the characters to life and make them relatable, and I appreciate that effort.
And don't worry about taking a couple of chapters to build before getting too smutty. If done right, building toward the smut can make those scenes that much more effective, and this chapter (and the entire previous story) certainly feel like you're building toward something great. Besides, you snuck in a nice little scene at the start of this story that was pretty hot in its own right. At this point, seeing Livy with a tiny Missy just feels natural.
Great start overall. It feels like you're picking up right where you left off. I'm looking forward to seeing how this one shapes up!
Author's Response:
I'm so glad to see you back, and asking all the right questions! You came out of the gates swinging with an excellent question, though the answer you're looking for will be in my back pocket for a few chapters for Plot reasons.
I'm ecstatic to have confirmation that all the little behavioral quirks I'm including are being picked up on; I can't properly elucidate how happy that makes me.
I'm intrigued that you focused on Claire so much (though I suppose that makes the most sense, she's the newest character and I put a fair bit of detail into her.) I admit, I'm of two minds about how I want to take her at the end of this story. Both give effectively the same result, but the framing makes them tonally different, and will affect where the focus is. I'm hoping for more feedback as the story progresses to tailor it to the contributing readers.
Victoria Vane will be an interesting background character (I hope). What's that? The naming convention is evocative of a comic book supervillain? No, that's gotta be just a coincidence, I'm sure she's perfectly on the up-and-up! Admittedly, the idea for the University's name is in no small part inspired by "Accepted," the 2006 film starring Justin Long. My train of thought didn't even have to jump the tracks as it passed South Harmon Institute of Technology,
Creative responsibility and consumer misuse may not be a huge focus of the Fab Four series, but these are crucial topics worthy of consideration, and that's even before we consider the possibility of a sexy Skynet. Regardless, our lovely ladies just want to make a fun and sexy experience available to all, and bringing suffering to innocents would be a big damper on that goal. Of course, no matter how much protection and regulation is put in place, misuse is inevitable when adequate dedication and resources are tasked with engendering such ill ends. Huh. I wonder if that will come up at some part in the story. *Slow, deliberate wink*
Thanks again for the review, it's great to have you back, and I hope to see what you think of our investors when the next chapter drops on Wednesday!
[Report This]Date: August 28 2023 8:29 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The Planning Meeting
Good and interesting start!
Author's Response:
Thank you DcZ for taking the time to leave a review! I'm glad you found it interesting! I hope the chapters to come can continue to meet or exceed that benchmark!