[Report This]Date: April 16 2024 4:25 PM Title: Shana Day After - Part 3
I really like that we got a heavy dose of Jane these last chapters.
Early on in this story, I noted that it seemed to me that Jane didn't really have much of a voice of her own. Well, you've certainly rectified that! And while she started to stand out much earlier than this, these last two chapters really let her shine!
In particular, I think the tiny's unique blend of silliness and seriousness should be hard to pull off, but it just feels natural in this story, especially here. The combination of the dark reality Jane has faced for almost her entire life and her gradually diminishing ignorance of how humans live has allowed her to walk this fine line like a sidewalk rather than a tightrope.
That conversation with Emily went really deep. While we've gotten glimpses into Jane's inner workings from time to time through the narrative, it was both chilling and, in an odd way, refreshing to hear her say that she would choose death over becoming a pet. I think the scenario being discussed here is a difficult debate: to live a life of relative luxury but have no agency or go through hell every day but maintain your ability to choose how you go through that hell. I don't think there's an easy answer there, but Jane's declaration here makes her unique among most of the tinies written about on this site, as, from what I've read, most of them would elect to survive at all costs.
Personally, I like the character and fortitude Jane shows with that choice.
Then Jane kind of goes back on that choice, which actually makes a lot of sense as well. Having a taste of a better life has pulled her away from that old mentality and saying she would rather die than go back to her old life. I do think it's easier to choose harsh freedom over pampered enslavement when you've only ever experienced the former. So of course getting a taste of a better life would make the thought of returning to the terrible day-to-day living of the Little Folk unbearable for her.
Not to mention that she doesn't even need to make that choice, since Emily actually views her as a person rather than a pet.
But this realization and almost struggle that Jane goes through over the course of this discussion is really interesting. I feel like she's discovering this change in her mentality in real time, displaying the influence that Emily has had on her. Jane's giant friend is dedicated to respecting individual life, which has led her away from that community-first philosophy that's responsible for the death of so many weak and infirmed tinies. Now Jane wants to live for herself, and that's okay.
I also like that Jane acknowledged her own "weakness" in running to Emily for help against that cat rather than "freely choosing" to share the fate of her friends. No matter how principled we may be, there's almost always a point in which survival takes priority.
But the earlier part of that conversation was also pretty significant, I think. Emily, despite what she may think, is a truly wonderful soul, so seeing her so upset over the dark reality faced by the Little Folk makes perfect sense. And her natural desire to help sets up a great debate over how much a person can do to combat systemic problems in society.
While Emily wanting to save those tinies is noble, Jane makes a good point here. There's not much one person can do to fight against such a huge problem, one that most of human society doesn't know about and likely wouldn't care about even if they did. Little Folk lead hard lives, and sacrifices do need to be made for the sake of their community. Yeah, this could easily be resolved if the bigs were all like Emily, but they're just not. Some don't care, while others are happy to kill the tinies themselves. Even the ones that do care mostly see the tinies as pets rather than people. Emily would have to not only convince the Little Folk to trust humanity, the very reason why they suffer so severely, but she would also have to convince her fellow humans that the tinies are actual people in need of help and deserving of respect. Good luck with that!
At the same time, however, Jane's wavering on her principles seems to open the door to the possibility that a caring person can make a difference. Emily has done just that with Jane without even doing anything out of the ordinary (helping people is second nature to Emily, after all). This may not be a problem that Emily can truly fix, but she can do something to make things better. That's a powerful message.
And then there's the Emily's offense at Jane keeping this whole issue a secret from her. Emily comes off almost as feeling betrayed that Jane would keep this from her, showing how deep their friendship has grown in the first place. Then there's her being upset that Jane didn't tell her in order to shield her from all this. I get where Emily is coming from here, but this has actually been set up pretty well in previous chapters, as Jane has casually mentioned some of the horrors the tinies go through only for Emily to be visibly affected just by hearing about them. So it makes sense that Jane would be concerned about upsetting Emily by telling her about something terrible that the little lady thinks the blonde giantess can do nothing about.
There are some really deep concepts that come out in this conversation, but they come out in a natural and engaging way, which isn't easy to do. I've pointed this out in previous reviews, but you have a way of addressing them in a fluid way through your characters, which is something I really appreciate.
Oh, and you mentioned before that you are having a hard time including "fetishy" content outside of the Suki chapters. While I wouldn't worry too much about that (for me, at least, any interaction with Jane and the world around her, fetishy or not, is pretty interesting), you could always move Jane and Emily's relationship forward. You've done a great job of subtly creating a "will they, won't they" dynamic between the two of them, and that bit about the collar at the end of their conversation was a nice little tease in that direction. I don't know how you feel about the more "lewd" side of gentle interaction, but that could be a place you could take this story, and given how you've built the relationship between Jane and Emily, it would be pretty satisfying to see, as it will have been "earned," if that makes sense.
If that's not your thing, cool, but I figured I'd put that out there since you mentioned having a hard time with that.
As for the last chapter, Jane really shines here as well, and for a different reason entirely! Her nonsensical imitation of a crime drama was hilarious, and it was nice to see her silly side after such a serious discussion in the previous chapter. Of course, it also shows that living such a hard life has developed nerves of steel in the tiny, as she was observing some things that no one else was, despite the fact that it was her life that was in danger.
It's also good that Shana's true intentions at the start of the story are now known by everyone, as now all the "terrible" things she has done are now understood to have come from a good place. That she admitted that she couldn't just let Jane die in such a cruel way was interesting, as we hadn't heard that part of the real story yet. It makes sense, though. Shana never intentionally hurt the Little Folk, and she only started not caring about squishing them to save herself from the mental anguishing of dealing with what she had done purely on accident. So seeing Jane about to be eaten for Suki's amusement wouldn't be something I would expect her to tolerate (although that was obviously not clear back then).
And the way she showed guilt at just knocking Jane over on accident shows that she recognizes Jane as a person now. She has really come a long way since chapter one!
It should be interesting to see what happens when this new, more-honest-with-herself Shana meets up with Suki, especially if she goes to Suki's room for the conversation.
Author's Response:
Thank you for the review!
I'm glad to hear that I finally managed to do justice to Jane's character.
To be honest, at first I had no intention of making her more than a plot device, but after your initial comments, I did my best to develop her character and create a backstory for her, as well as the others. Once I did that, it became a lot easier and a lot more natural for me to write her.
I'm also glad to hear that you enjoyed both chapters. I won't say much about them because you managed to see everything I wanted to express. Especially Jane being confused as to what she's supposed to be feeling. That part was a bit difficult to write because she kept jumping from one extreme to the other in a short period of time, trying to figure herself out. I was afraid it might be confusing to read, but I'm glad it worked out!
The second chapter was also, like the first, a big moment of revelation where Shana's truth was finally revealed to everyone. But I didn't want to make it another dark and serious chapter like the previous one. So I decided to make it more lighthearted by turning Jane into a detective, while at the same time giving her a chance to finally reveal the thoughts that have been going through her head for the past few days. I'm glad it doesn't come off as ridiculous.
Regarding fetishism, you're right. I thought about it after I replied to your previous comment and realized that it doesn't necessarily have to mean forced or degrading things. It can be something wholesome as well.
Also, the review of 'pkong' made me aware of something that I had always felt was missing from the story, but that I had taken too much for granted to really consider. I also got some new ideas from it.
I'm still working on integrating some of those ideas, so I don't know when I'll be able to finish the next chapter, but hopefully it'll be soon!
Thank you once again for the great review, and I will continue to do my best to finish the story in the best possible way!