Reviews For A new beginning
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Reviewer: MarsV2 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 17 2024 9:12 PM Title: Chapter 1

Dude your stories are literally god-tier. Most stories are overly obscene and filled with gore and death. In my opinion, the gentler stories are better, as in not having senseless violence and death. Can't wait for the next chapter and any other stories you might make. 

Author's Response:

Since the last chapter I posted ended in a senseless, bloody death, I find this comment a bit ironic. But I'm glad to see that you think so highly of what I've written! I do try to make my characters a bit more than just killers or fodder!

Thanks for the review! I hope you enjoy what follows!

Reviewer: Shaman Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 05 2024 1:24 AM Title: Tales of Goddess and Slaves

Veeery exciting, can't wait for the next upload!

Author's Response:

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 16 2024 4:25 PM Title: Shana Day After - Part 3

I really like that we got a heavy dose of Jane these last chapters.

Early on in this story, I noted that it seemed to me that Jane didn't really have much of a voice of her own. Well, you've certainly rectified that! And while she started to stand out much earlier than this, these last two chapters really let her shine!

In particular, I think the tiny's unique blend of silliness and seriousness should be hard to pull off, but it just feels natural in this story, especially here. The combination of the dark reality Jane has faced for almost her entire life and her gradually diminishing ignorance of how humans live has allowed her to walk this fine line like a sidewalk rather than a tightrope.

That conversation with Emily went really deep. While we've gotten glimpses into Jane's inner workings from time to time through the narrative, it was both chilling and, in an odd way, refreshing to hear her say that she would choose death over becoming a pet. I think the scenario being discussed here is a difficult debate: to live a life of relative luxury but have no agency or go through hell every day but maintain your ability to choose how you go through that hell. I don't think there's an easy answer there, but Jane's declaration here makes her unique among most of the tinies written about on this site, as, from what I've read, most of them would elect to survive at all costs.

Personally, I like the character and fortitude Jane shows with that choice.

Then Jane kind of goes back on that choice, which actually makes a lot of sense as well. Having a taste of a better life has pulled her away from that old mentality and saying she would rather die than go back to her old life. I do think it's easier to choose harsh freedom over pampered enslavement when you've only ever experienced the former. So of course getting a taste of a better life would make the thought of returning to the terrible day-to-day living of the Little Folk unbearable for her.

Not to mention that she doesn't even need to make that choice, since Emily actually views her as a person rather than a pet.

But this realization and almost struggle that Jane goes through over the course of this discussion is really interesting. I feel like she's discovering this change in her mentality in real time, displaying the influence that Emily has had on her. Jane's giant friend is dedicated to respecting individual life, which has led her away from that community-first philosophy that's responsible for the death of so many weak and infirmed tinies. Now Jane wants to live for herself, and that's okay.

I also like that Jane acknowledged her own "weakness" in running to Emily for help against that cat rather than "freely choosing" to share the fate of her friends. No matter how principled we may be, there's almost always a point in which survival takes priority.

But the earlier part of that conversation was also pretty significant, I think. Emily, despite what she may think, is a truly wonderful soul, so seeing her so upset over the dark reality faced by the Little Folk makes perfect sense. And her natural desire to help sets up a great debate over how much a person can do to combat systemic problems in society.

While Emily wanting to save those tinies is noble, Jane makes a good point here. There's not much one person can do to fight against such a huge problem, one that most of human society doesn't know about and likely wouldn't care about even if they did. Little Folk lead hard lives, and sacrifices do need to be made for the sake of their community. Yeah, this could easily be resolved if the bigs were all like Emily, but they're just not. Some don't care, while others are happy to kill the tinies themselves. Even the ones that do care mostly see the tinies as pets rather than people. Emily would have to not only convince the Little Folk to trust humanity, the very reason why they suffer so severely, but she would also have to convince her fellow humans that the tinies are actual people in need of help and deserving of respect. Good luck with that!

At the same time, however, Jane's wavering on her principles seems to open the door to the possibility that a caring person can make a difference. Emily has done just that with Jane without even doing anything out of the ordinary (helping people is second nature to Emily, after all). This may not be a problem that Emily can truly fix, but she can do something to make things better. That's a powerful message.

And then there's the Emily's offense at Jane keeping this whole issue a secret from her. Emily comes off almost as feeling betrayed that Jane would keep this from her, showing how deep their friendship has grown in the first place. Then there's her being upset that Jane didn't tell her in order to shield her from all this. I get where Emily is coming from here, but this has actually been set up pretty well in previous chapters, as Jane has casually mentioned some of the horrors the tinies go through only for Emily to be visibly affected just by hearing about them. So it makes sense that Jane would be concerned about upsetting Emily by telling her about something terrible that the little lady thinks the blonde giantess can do nothing about.

There are some really deep concepts that come out in this conversation, but they come out in a natural and engaging way, which isn't easy to do. I've pointed this out in previous reviews, but you have a way of addressing them in a fluid way through your characters, which is something I really appreciate.

Oh, and you mentioned before that you are having a hard time including "fetishy" content outside of the Suki chapters. While I wouldn't worry too much about that (for me, at least, any interaction with Jane and the world around her, fetishy or not, is pretty interesting), you could always move Jane and Emily's relationship forward. You've done a great job of subtly creating a "will they, won't they" dynamic between the two of them, and that bit about the collar at the end of their conversation was a nice little tease in that direction. I don't know how you feel about the more "lewd" side of gentle interaction, but that could be a place you could take this story, and given how you've built the relationship between Jane and Emily, it would be pretty satisfying to see, as it will have been "earned," if that makes sense.

If that's not your thing, cool, but I figured I'd put that out there since you mentioned having a hard time with that.

As for the last chapter, Jane really shines here as well, and for a different reason entirely! Her nonsensical imitation of a crime drama was hilarious, and it was nice to see her silly side after such a serious discussion in the previous chapter. Of course, it also shows that living such a hard life has developed nerves of steel in the tiny, as she was observing some things that no one else was, despite the fact that it was her life that was in danger. 

It's also good that Shana's true intentions at the start of the story are now known by everyone, as now all the "terrible" things she has done are now understood to have come from a good place. That she admitted that she couldn't just let Jane die in such a cruel way was interesting, as we hadn't heard that part of the real story yet. It makes sense, though. Shana never intentionally hurt the Little Folk, and she only started not caring about squishing them to save herself from the mental anguishing of dealing with what she had done purely on accident. So seeing Jane about to be eaten for Suki's amusement wouldn't be something I would expect her to tolerate (although that was obviously not clear back then).

And the way she showed guilt at just knocking Jane over on accident shows that she recognizes Jane as a person now. She has really come a long way since chapter one!

It should be interesting to see what happens when this new, more-honest-with-herself Shana meets up with Suki, especially if she goes to Suki's room for the conversation.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the review!

I'm glad to hear that I finally managed to do justice to Jane's character.

To be honest, at first I had no intention of making her more than a plot device, but after your initial comments, I did my best to develop her character and create a backstory for her, as well as the others. Once I did that, it became a lot easier and a lot more natural for me to write her.

I'm also glad to hear that you enjoyed both chapters. I won't say much about them because you managed to see everything I wanted to express. Especially Jane being confused as to what she's supposed to be feeling. That part was a bit difficult to write because she kept jumping from one extreme to the other in a short period of time, trying to figure herself out. I was afraid it might be confusing to read, but I'm glad it worked out!

The second chapter was also, like the first, a big moment of revelation where Shana's truth was finally revealed to everyone. But I didn't want to make it another dark and serious chapter like the previous one. So I decided to make it more lighthearted by turning Jane into a detective, while at the same time giving her a chance to finally reveal the thoughts that have been going through her head for the past few days. I'm glad it doesn't come off as ridiculous.

Regarding fetishism, you're right. I thought about it after I replied to your previous comment and realized that it doesn't necessarily have to mean forced or degrading things. It can be something wholesome as well.

Also, the review of 'pkong' made me aware of something that I had always felt was missing from the story, but that I had taken too much for granted to really consider. I also got some new ideas from it.

I'm still working on integrating some of those ideas, so I don't know when I'll be able to finish the next chapter, but hopefully it'll be soon!

Thank you once again for the great review, and I will continue to do my best to finish the story in the best possible way!

Reviewer: pkong Signed [Report This]
Date: April 06 2024 9:46 PM Title: Let's have a little chat.

This story is fantastic! It has been years since I liked something on this site enough to leave a review. This story is everything I like in giantess stories. Smut is good but I like it the best when stories take their premise seriously and explore the many issues that come from mixed sizes trying to live and interact with each other.

Every time I think I have a favorite chapter, a new favorite pops up. This frank discussion between Emily and Jane was great. Janes realization that despite her disgust at the notion of losing her freedom, that she was basically already Emily's pet and is better off for it was both surprising and compelling.

The only think I would have like to see in this story, both in this chapter and in previous chapters, is more description of the size difference  between the parties and more consequences. Like, if Jane is 2 inches tall, Emily and the girls must be really, truly mountainous from her POV. Gigantic to the point that their footsteps shake the ground and their voices crack like thunder. The fact that Jane is willing and able to stand her ground and argue against these titans is something worth remarking upon. Either she should be far more afraid than she is or her uncommon bravery should be mentioned. The fact that she is constantly unphased by everything going on around her is honestly pretty jarring when I'm trying to picture these scenes in my mind.

Anyway, I hope we get to see a lot more Nadia before Suki's arc is wrapped up, the relationship between the two and Nadia's journey from angry victim to turncoat pet (friend?) is also one of my favorite things about this story. I hope we get to see more of her reactions to the horrors Suki commits and hear her rationalizations for liking her anyway. Maybe an argument between her and a future snack?

Keep up the good writing! 

Author's Response:

I am delighted to receive such a glowing review!

The fact that you like my story so much makes me very happy! It's wonderful to know that the effort I put into my story is appreciated!

The idea of emphasizing the importance of the difference in size between tiny folks and humans is a great one, and actually something that I should have done in the first place! It would have given a lot more energy to some of the earlier chapters, and it would have highlighted the power imbalance between the two sides in an extraordinary way. Definitely going to implement it in the next chapter!

Thanks for the awesome suggestion!

As for as the final saga is concerned, I don't want to give too much away. But I will say that Suki and Nadia are going to be the main protagonists, and I intend to give both of them their share of the spotlight and tie up any loose ends before I bring the story to a close.

Once again, thank you for the review and the support! I hope you continue to enjoy reading what I have written!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: March 28 2024 6:44 PM Title: Shana Day After - Part 2

This was a fantastic way to bring home Shana's character development!

To see her reach this touching, emotional peak, especially after how crude and mean she appeared to be when we first met her, is incredibly satisfying. It was particularly meaningful near the end, when she gave up on preserving that hard shell she has been hiding behind all this time and finally just gave in to her true feelings. I'm guessing that this emotional release will affect the way she treats the tinies as well, even if she still pretends to not care for the sake of appearances.

Maya's awkwardness here was a nice touch, and it really let us know how nervous she was to hear Shana's answer to her question before she even asked it. Stuff like that conveys a vulnerability that makes her pretty relatable. And given the younger sister's previous interpretation of the people in her life and Shana's efforts to toughen her up, it's understandable that she wouldn't be sure that Shana loves her, even after the revelations of the last couple chapters

Also, it's great how she has started referring to Shana as Big Sis these last two chapters, given Maya's previous thoughts on her relationship with Shana. And between this and that vulnerability I mentioned above, it helps Maya "look" the part of the younger sister as well.

I did find it sad that Maya emphasized that she was a step sister, though. Whereas before she was trying to deny her relation to Shana, now the fact that they aren't blood sisters (I couldn't remember if they shared a father or if Maya was around before her mother married Shana's dad) hurts her. She wants to be a "real" sister to Shana. For Shana's part, it wasn't stated directly, but with everything she has said in the last three chapters, it's pretty clear that she doesn't make that distinction. Maya is her sister, simple as that.

And, of course, Emily and Jane show up at the end to add to the cuteness of the chapter. It's always good to see those two together, although I'm still left wondering what exactly Emily had to talk about with Jane. I'm guessing we might find out a little more about that in the next chapter or so.

These last three chapters have been really great, even despite not having much "fetishy" content in them. I love the character development and work you put into them, and the writing and story has been good enough that I haven't really noticed the break we've mostly taken from size-related content (we've seen some light interaction with Jane and gotten some background on the Little Folk, so you've kept some balance there). It's a testament to your storytelling that this story on a fetish site has remained interesting while focusing so heavily on things other than said fetish, especially since, by your own admission, this was at one point supposed to be just a two-chapter story.

I look forward to seeing where you take things next!

Author's Response:

Thank you for your review and sorry that it took me so long to respond!

I'm glad you enjoyed seeing Maya and Shana reunited as sisters.

I wanted to make this moment heartfelt and touching, adding my usual dose of comedy to keep it from being too poignant. I'm glad it turned out well.

The reason Maya emphasized the term 'stepsister' was because, as she says, the only people who care about her are those who have no moral or familial obligation to do so. 

Emily is a complete outsider, while Shana, despite having the same father, has basically been thrown out of the family, so she would have every right to hate her for that, which is actually what she used to think.

All of this while her parents, the ones who are supposed to be taking care of her, are absent for the most part.

As far as the fetishism goes, that's something I'm having a hard time incorporating outside of the chapters that focus on Suki, given the way I've structured the story.

Shana has no interest in interacting with the little folks, while Emily and Maya would find it dehumanizing and cruel and would never willingly participate.

The only one who could would be Liliana, but she's just Shana's acquaintance in this story, and writing something fetishistically focused on her would have to exclude Shana's presence and would be a side story. And at the moment I'm more interested in finishing the main story.

I'm in the process of finishing the next chapter, and it should be ready in the next few days or so.

Until then, thanks again for the review!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: March 22 2024 2:50 AM Title: Shana day after - Part 1

Good to see you back! And don't worry about taking a couple months to put out a chapter. You certainly don't owe us anything. In fact, I think I'm about two months out from putting out another chapter in my own story as well, so you're not the only one getting caught up in stuff.

Speaking of which, I hope whatever you're dealing with is getting better!

As for the chapter itself, again, I love the complexity of your characters. I just kind of assumed Shana simply bought into the public perception that tinies weren't really people, so I was pretty stunned to see that the reason she became known as the "Black Titan" was because she felt so guilty about accidentally stepping on them that she had to force herself not to care, lest she go insane. And again, Shana ends up being a good person, and everything we thought we knew about her has taken on a whole new meaning.

Not only that, but given how upset Shana gets when she finds out that the Little Folk probably left their weakest out there specifically for people like her to step on them, she gets really upset. I feel like the Shana at the beginning of the story probably would have shrugged it off and not really cared one way or the other, but the fact that she got pissed over Jane's revelation shows that Shana is really starting to get back in touch with the real her. She's starting (and emphasis on starting) to show people that she actually cares about them. She's starting to stop pretending that she doesn't care about about anything (tinies in particular). She's starting to show that she's actually a pretty good Big Sis!

Watching Shana develop like this throughout the last 10 or so chapters has been quite a rewarding surprise in this story!

The revelation about the Little Folk leaving those least able to contribute to their society out for Shana (and presumably others as well) to step on is a bit ironic. Shana has been made out by the tinies as the Black Titan, the one who literally walks on them without a care, but really the only reason she didn't care is because the tinies themselves unwittingly made her that way in the first place! It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy when you think about it like that.

And while it's heartless that Little Folk abandon their neediest like that, Shana's right that it does make sense for them to do so. With life being so hard for all of them, they can't really afford to look out for the weakest among them. Honestly, I more blame the bigs for this problem, since most of them view the tinies as bugs and even most of those who want better treatment for them see them more like pets than anything else. If most humans viewed them the way that Emily does, they could probably create a thriving society, one that would be able to take care of those most in need. Instead, they have to adjust to the harshness of their dark reality.

We saw a bit of an edge to Emily in this chapter, and I kind of liked it. She admitted that she hated Shana and even showed some anger toward her. Now that we know about Emily's dark past, it makes sense that she has some of that in her, even if she's still sweet at the same time.

Also, now that she has gotten past the barriers between Shana and her, I could see the two bonding down the road (once Shana starts getting a little more comfortable letting her guard down). Those two have a lot more in common than was shown at the start of the story. They're kind of like two sides of the same coin: Shana is a good person wrapped around a rude, uncaring facade, while Emily is super sweet, yet has a lingering darkness from her past hang over her head.

I also get why Emily might be mad at Jane for not being so forthcoming about her people abandoning the weak and frail, but I hope she can understand that there are several reasons why Jane wouldn't bring it up, not the least of which is how Emily reacts whenever Jane casually starts talking about how terrible life for tinies really is. Now the question is, what is Emily planning to do with this information. Is she going to try going to the park and saving some of these abandoned Little Folk? Hmm, I wonder if she might see anyone she knows if she goes out looking for tinies to save ...

Overall, this was a great chapter! After going a couple months without writing, this was actually pretty polished, I think. Good work, and I look forward to seeing what comes next, even if we have to wait a bit to find out!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the welcome back and good wishes, and I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

The last two months or so have been tough, with a lot of time in bed and even more time sick. That left me a bit anxious and itchy to finally get back to writing, something I've really come to appreciate over the last few months.

But there was a positive outcome in the end, as I finally found a way to include this particular bit of Little Folks lore. It was something I had tried to do on several occasions, but couldn't find a place for it, and had resigned myself to just cutting it out.

I'm not quite back to full strength yet, but I'm feeling better enough to write again, and I'm making good progress on the next chapter, which I'll get up and post as soon as I'm able, as I want to finish the story now that I finally have the whole plot in my head.

Once again, thank you!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 20 2024 8:28 AM Title: Resolution (Part 1)

I kind of made that connection that you mentioned about Suki and Maya both having uncaring mothers in the last chapter too, but man, you really hit that point on Maya's end here. It seems like the big difference between those two is that Maya had Shana and Emily in her life, even though she didn't realize that having Shana there was a good thing.

God, Maya's mom is just terrible. And as much as we don't want to admit it, there are people like her in the real world, those who use pregnancy to "reel in" a husband (It's not super common, but it does happen). And Maya didn't even realize because her mom's simply not around enough for her to see the truth. It's really sad, especially when you consider how sweetly Maya has been portrayed so far.

It seems the more we find out about Shana, the more we realize that she's actually a pretty good person deep down. I've been pointing that out for a while, but it keeps becoming more true each time we see her. Even I was surprised to learn that she was the one stocking the fridge and leaving Maya money for food. And it makes sense that her harsh attitude toward Maya was her way of "training" her for when their mom ultimately turns on her. Once again, stuff she did that seemed cruel turned out to actually be her being kind. It's just that she doesn't know how to express what she's actually feeling, which she points out is because of these parenting issues (like when she agreed with Emily that she was trying to keep Maya from turning out an arrogant asshole like her).

Now, if only she would start watching her step around the Little Folk ...

I also like how Shana and Emily found some common ground in the lying, abusive adults that "raised" them. Between that and the revelation that Shana doesn't actually hate her little sister, I could see the starting to actually forge a friendship, especially since we know that Shana secretly respects Emily. I'm really curious how that might affect Suki if it materializes.

Jane just kept cracking me up in this chapter. I love how she had to scold herself not to make sarcastic comments about Shana's boobs. That would be me in that situation! And the way she pranked Maya and Emily into kissing was pretty funny, too.

But I also like how Jane took charge at times here. She let the bigs do their thing, but she stepped in when she needed to. She even had the guts to tell Shana to back off a bit, and Shana seemed to actually respect that. I really enjoy the blend of humor and seriousness that Jane brings to the table.

This was a pretty emotional chapter, but I don't think you over-dramatized it. You gave us some important background information on Shana and Maya's family and showed how it affected things now pretty effectively, I think. You also included enough humor to give this heavy chapter some levity, which I also think was a good call.

I'm looking forward to seeing Shana coming off of this hangover, both because I think it'll be funny and because I think she'll broach the subject of Jane with Emily, and I'm really curious to see how that goes.

Author's Response:

Thank you for your review!

I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter, as it was one that I was looking forward to as well. The revelation of the real Shana to Maya and Emily at long last was something that I'm really glad I was able to get to!

And I'm also glad that you appreciate both sides of Jane, as she switches between being a jester and a motivator, depending on what's most helpful to the people she cares about.

The release date for the next chapter, which will be the second part of this chapter, in which Shana will clarify her opinion on a lot of things, including Jane and other things, is unfortunately TBD for now.

Unfortunately, I've come down with a bad flu (I'm having a little trouble writing this) and I don't know when I'll be well enough to start writing again.

The only good thing is that I finished the story mentally while bedridden, so all that remains is writing it down.

I am sorry for the delays, and I hope you will continue to enjoy the story until the very end!

Reviewer: Shaman Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 06 2024 10:56 PM Title: A New Week (Part 4)

Really interesting so far! Gonna be a joy reading the rest!

Author's Response:

Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

I hope that you will like the rest of the story just as much!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: December 26 2023 8:32 PM Title: A New Week (Part 4)

The more we see of Shana, the more impressed I am at how you're able to make me view her so differently from how I did at the start of this story.

I mean, she hasn't really changed the way she acts or even speaks at all from the early chapters, and she hasn't had some sort of life-changing revelation to change the way she thinks or views the world, either. No, she's exactly the same as she was from the start. And yet, I find her so much more likable now, and she has gone from being a bully to someone I want to root for.

I know you said before that you were worried that Shana's "turn" might seem forced and unnatural, but the exact opposite is true. She's every bit the same as she was when we first met her, but a deeper understanding of who she is has radically changed my perception of her words and actions. I've said it before, but I can't say enough how blown away I am by that.

And this chapter is a perfect example. Without those chapters that showed Shana lightly (barely at all, but just enough) touching on her deeper feelings with her teammates, Shana would have come off as a hateful jerk for the way she handled the situation with Maya, despite the fact that she bought her food. But now, she can say things like, "If you open your mouth on the way, I swear I will strangle you and throw you in a ditch," and my reaction is to chuckle a bit and think, "Oh, silly Shana."

In other words, I can see beyond the hateful tone her words imply and see that she's really trying to be a good big sister. She just doesn't know how to do that, and the spite she puts out there is really just a defense mechanism. It's really interesting, and I find myself liking and sympathizing with her more and more each time she says something that seems terrible on the outside. I also find myself really hoping she can find a good way to actually express herself by the end of the story.

As for Maya, this was a pretty eye-opening chapter regarding her character. I've found it odd for a while now that Maya acts a bit younger than 13 quite often in this story, but I've mostly attributed that to the kind of silly, almost zany undertone you've inserted into this story, which does give it some much-appreciated levity. But after reading this chapter, I feel like it actually makes sense for her character now.

Seeing the lonely life that Maya lives (outside of Emily), with her mother always away and seemingly trying to parent strictly through parental controls and limiting Maya's access to things, I can understand why Maya acts so young and finds comfort in things that maybe some 13-year-olds would find to be a bit childish. She didn't have a role model to aspire to be until Emily came into the picture (which couldn't have been more than what, two or three years ago at most?), so her idea of what is and isn't childish is different from most (there are also times where she shows some advanced maturity for her age as well).

This is especially sad when you realize that that very role model was always present in Shana, but the elder sister's inability to properly convey her feelings has made that impossible. Not to mention that Shana's conflict with Maya's mother (and from what we've read here, I'm starting to think that Shana is right about her) has clearly driven a huge wedge between the two sisters. I can see now why Shana was so happy (whether or not she would ever admit it directly) that Maya found Shana, as well as why Shana wants Maya to make up with Emily.

I also understand why Maya deleted Emily's text. In a normal situation, that wouldn't have made a lot of sense, but seeing as how most of Maya's personal interactions have likely been with Shana, it makes perfect sense that she would assume that Emily would send her a randomly hateful text because she was mad at her. That sounds like something an unhinged Shana would do, after all.

So I can understand why the thought of reading something spiteful from her much older crush would be too much for her heart to bare.

With all of that being said, I'm really curious to see how this conversation between Emily, Shana, Maya and (most likely, I would think) Jane is going to go down. You've done a wonderful job with these last four or so chapters in building anticipation for this (and other confrontations to come, I'm sure).

Author's Response:

Thank you for reviewing and sorry for taking so long to respond.

Firstly, I'm glad you liked Shana. I'm also glad that you find her 'change' believable, even if it's just a change of perspective, and that this makes you react completely different, even if she acts the same as before.

Being able to write a story that is appreciated, with characters that are considered interesting, is something I'm really happy about. This is my first experience writing for someone other than myself (as my first story proves), and that makes this year's experience even more rewarding.

I had doubts about making Maya's mother an absent mother because I thought it was too similar to Suki, but a bit like Jane and Nadia, I thought about making a parallel that they had a similar past, but Suki wasn't lucky enough to have a grumpy sister who secretly wanted to help her, nor an Emily of her own, which unfortunately made her who she is.

The next chapter, the conversation between the four (where I reveal some of the many hidden truths between them), marks the beginning of what should theoretically be the final arc of the story. So I'm going to take some time and try to make it as good as I possibly can.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing. I wish you (belatedly) a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: December 16 2023 2:52 AM Title: A New Week (Part 3)

I can see why this chapter took so long to put together. It deals with some really complex thoughts and emotions from the characters. But I think you pulled it off pretty well!

I was particularly interested with Emily's perspective on being a good person. The question of whether doing good because it makes you feel good is selfish or selfless is one that I've actually spent a good deal of time thinking about, so this theme hit a little close to home for me. Ultimately, I agree with Jane's stance on this. Emily helps people and asks for nothing in return. That's selfless even if she is getting something out of it.

I mean, would saving Jane's life have only been an act of goodness if Emily was indifferent to whether Jane lived or died? Overthinking stuff like this can lead to a slippery slope, where good and evil kind of become meaningless. And a trap like that can be particularly harsh for someone like Emily, who was abused as a child.

And that abuse, holy crap! Here I was think Emily had lived a sheltered life! But after having read this chapter, I think it's easier to understand Emily's shock at the way tinies are treated in this world. When Jane tells her of the horrors her people face, it doesn't shock Emily; it shows her that the hatefulness she saw as a child is more widespread than she previously thought. It makes her think that maybe everyone else is hiding behind their warm, pleasant smiles, waiting to take out their frustrations on the poor defenseless Little Folk. The only difference between the nuns at that orphanage and all of those tiny-torturers is that the nuns had to hide what they did and pretend, while the others are almost encouraged by society to carry out their abuse.

That's an even more horrifying revelation than it would have been if she had just been ignorant to people like that in the first place!

As for Jane, I think her lack of self-worth makes a lot of sense. I mean, she kind of wrote off almost being eaten as not being that big a deal, as it's a possibility they have to face every day.  And while she can be fiery when talking other people up, we don't see her show nearly as much passion when dealing with herself. Having made friends with Emily and Maya, she cares more about them than she does herself, and, having felt that she came between them, was willing to kill herself in a misguided effort to try to bring them together.

Thankfully, she realize that this will have the opposite effect. I just hope at some point she realizes that she too is worth that effort and willingness to sacrifice, but a week probably isn't enough time to discover something like that about yourself, so I think you nailed the kind of headspace she would be at by this time.

I also like how much Jane contrasts from Nadia. Nadia doesn't have problems with her self-worth at all. Yeah, she tried to kill herself too, but that was when she thought she was going to die anyway and it was to spite her would-be murderer. But Nadia definitely has that fire for herself that Jane lacks right now, and it's really interesting to see the two of them be in two very different situations and how each one is handling it.

And lastly, it's a bit sad to see how naïve Maya is. But that makes sense too, as she's pretty young and seems upbeat and positive. Of course she's going to want to see the best in Suki. And of course Emily is only going to see the worst in someone like Suki and go out of her way to protect Jane, even from the naivety of someone like Maya.

This also shows that Shana was right about both Maya and Emily, as the former is just as over-trusting as her big sister believes and the latter is willing to go as far as it takes to protect Jane (okay, I still think Shana's fear of Emily murdering her is still a bit unfounded, but at least we can see a bit of what she was talking about regarding the change in Emily through her fight with Maya).

Again, I feel like you tackled some complex material very well here. I'm really enjoying these characters, and all of this setup is doing a great job of building anticipation for when they all cross paths once again!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review!

I'm glad you think the chapter turned out pretty well. Even though I've had it in my head for a long time, when certain heavy topics are brought up, it's extremely difficult to get it right.

If you put in too little drama, it will sound bland; if you put in too much, it will sound ridiculous. And even if you get it right, it can be divisive or downright alienating.

In my experience as a reader, there have been several times when I have stopped reading a story for this very reason, and it has given me a better understanding of how difficult it is to write and why certain writers shy away from certain subjects.

Nevertheless, I felt that this chapter was necessary to explain Emily's behavior.

As for Jane and Nadia, I wanted to write them as two opposite extremes of the same situation.

While both lived difficult lives as Little Folk, Jane's life was community-oriented, eager to live, but aware and accepting that her life was expendable for the good of the collective. Nadia, by contrast, grew up in a small group that lived on the margins of the community, which made the constant losses more severe and less justifiable, and eroded her being to the point that when she was alone, she cared only for herself.

The next chapter, which I will publish soon, and the last of the 'Fall-out' saga, will finally feature Maya in the lead role... and Shana as well.

Thanks again for the review!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: December 04 2023 3:09 AM Title: A New Week (Part 2)

First of all, I think that transition between chapters nine and ten reads a lot more clearly and is a lot easier to understand now. You had a good idea for how to pull off that transition, and it's nice to see it executed so well now!

As for this chapter, I continue to be thoroughly impressed with the uniqueness and complexity of the relationships you create between your characters, as well as how well those relationships are set up.

I figured Suki would become attached to Nadia over time, but I certainly didn't think she would become this attached this quickly. But even so, it makes a lot of sense that she did, given what we've learned about her so far.

At first glance, it might seem odd that Suki, the one who is by far the most cruel to the Little Folk could feel so much affection for little Nadia, especially with the way she has been constantly referring to them (and Nadia herself) as bugs and denying their personhood. However, I've been saying for a while now that there's some undertones to this character that make clear that she actually does view the tinies as people but is simply taking advantage of society's stance on them to exert her dark desires that likely stem from her lack of human connection. So I feel pretty vindicated here, with Suki forming such a strong attachment to one of the "bugs," who also happens to be the first person that actually has to spend an extended period of time with her.

When thinking of things this way, it makes perfect sense that Suki's closeted desperation for companionship wouldn't waste any time manifesting itself through her adoration of Nadia.

As for "Mushi-chan," her struggle to cope with her situation has quickly become the most intriguing thing about this story. She's actually starting to like the person who killed her brother and devoured her master, which is a pretty hard sell to make to the reader. However, you do a really good job of doing exactly that.

Between the hatred she's getting from her own kind, the adoration she's receiving from Suki, and the sudden elevation in her standard of living, it makes a lot of sense that a part of her might come to like and even appreciate Suki. The other Little Folk turning on her was something I really never thought of, but it's a great way push her toward Suki, especially given Nadia's emotional, fiery nature. I mean, we're still seeing the bitterness she has for her master in this chapter with the comment about him being free to come back from the dead and judge her.

Although, I do have to wonder if Master Sean had the foresight to see Nadia's pampering as a possibility when he made that deal. We'll probably never know, but I'd like to think that he was wise enough to have seen something in Suki that led him to believe her wasn't condemning Nadia to a lifetime of torture.

But anyway, with Nadia seeing Suki deliver what she believes to be justice on Matt, there's a lot of things in the plus column when it comes to the Little Folk's view on her giant captress. Hell, at some point, I could see her lessening Suki's murder of her brother as an accident (which is technically true, I guess), maybe even laying that at the feet of her former master as well (I could see her saying something like, "If he hadn't antagonized her, maybe Suki would have kept my brother around, too.")

But seeing these complex feelings from each character come together is what really makes this chapter. Nadia shows that she actually cares for Suki, but the disdain she still holds from her, combined with a shyness of these feelings (which Suki called out correctly, I think) leads to her having some particularly harsh words for Suki at a couple points in the chapter.

But Suki's reaction to said harshness is interesting. She cuts to the core of Nadia's feelings and appreciates the concern the tiny has for her. Even two chapters ago, I think Nadia would have been killed on the spot for talking back at all, but now she can call Suki names and all the big girl does is laugh it off or blush? There's a certain irony here, I think, in that Suki is treating Nadia more like a person than even somebody like Liliana would, as she's recognizing really complicated emotions from Nadia and responding with a level of understanding that I think even most normal-sized people wouldn't have for one another. It really shows how much Suki cares for her.

And while it's noted that Nadia believes that Suki's feelings are for her as a pet, I don't think that's quite right, either. After all, I think it's pretty clear that Suki wasn't going to eat Matt when she thought he was someone important to her, even though she obviously really wanted to. I don't think she would let a bug or even a pet keep her from doing something that she really wanted to do. And then there's how happy she was to receive Nadia's blessing to eat him. That acceptance meant a lot to Suki, which, again, is something that only another person could have made her feel.

But yeah, the further this story goes, the more interesting each of these characters becomes. I really have no idea where these two go next. Could Nadia be wrong and Suki eventually be redeemed through her love of Nadia? Or could Nadia keep drifting toward Suki's line of thinking and eventually act as a cheerleader or even an idea girl for the cruel acts Suki performs on the tinies? Or what would Suki's reaction be to Nadia trying to escape? I'm even left wondering where Nadia's head will be at by the time she inevitably meets the other characters in the story.

There's so many possibilities, and even though we know so much more about these characters now, I still can't predict what's next for them. That's something I really appreciate.

I'm also eager to see what's up with Emily and company in the next chapter. I can get into the darker stuff, but it was the gentle nature of Emily and her instant chemistry with Jane that initially sucked me into this story. After seeing how Shana, Suki, and Nadia have changed/revealed over the course of a week, I'm looking forward to seeing where our trio of protagonists are now.

Oh, and just a quick question. Did Suki just rename Nadia Mushi, or is that just some term of endearment she has for the Little Folk?

Author's Response:

I'm glad to see that the transition went well, and thanks to your suggestion, I didn't have to think too hard about it. Nadia's fear and tears were a good way to explain her mistaking a sock for a snake, so I took that idea and revised both parts as I thought best.

Once again, I must express my pleasure at your appreciation of the complexity of my characters and your perfect understanding of how I envisioned them.

Both Nadia and Suki come from two very different walks of life and have diametrically opposed goals in life. Yet they share the same passion in pursuing what they want. They are willing to make any sacrifice, be it their own or someone else's. And ultimately, they find what they were looking for within each other.

Mushi is just a nickname Suki has for Nadia, whose name is still unknown to her. (The thought of asking or using her real name hasn't crossed her mind yet...).

As for the rest of them, they are still insects, just like before.

Unfortunately, the next chapter(s) will take some time.

I wanted to write all three of them together, but that didn't work with the new status quo, so I split the chapter into two halves. One with Emily and Jane and one with Maya. I'll definitely have the first one done by next week, and hopefully the other one as well, which will complete 'Introducing the Characters (Part 2)'.

Thank you again for your review! I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: November 19 2023 11:16 PM Title: A New Week

One thing that I think you do really well is find ways to make your characters complex and show those complexities in a very indirect and subtle manner.

I've kind of pointed this out a few times when talking about the unique relationship you've formed between Emily and Jane, as well as whatever it is that's shaping up between Suki and Nadia (I'm really looking forward to seeing what that looks like a week later, especially since Suki has maybe found some new tinies to play with, given what she told Nadia about that last chapter), but I don't think I've said this directly.

The reason I bring this up is that you threw what I thought was a breaking curveball about Shana here. To find out that the reason she held Emily back when Suki was trying to eat Jane was to keep Emily from possibly getting arrested for hurting Suki completely changes the way I view the first couple of chapters. Not only that, but given the way we've slowly been given little peaks at what lays beneath Shana's hard exterior, this revelation actually makes a lot of sense.

Through these conversations with Liliana, it's been hinted at that Shana actually kind of likes Emily or at least respects her. She likes the influence that "Barbie" has on Maya, which is something she probably feels like she can't do for her little sister because of the strained relationship she has with her stepmother and how frustration over that causes her to lash out at Maya sometimes as well. She also seemed legitimately impressed with the passion Emily showed in taking down Suki and saving Jane, probably because she didn't think Emily had that in her. In fact, I previously thought that Shana's secret respect for Emily mostly stemmed from the blonde standing up to Suki.

But now it's clear that this isn't the case. Shana cared enough for Emily to try to save her from getting herself into trouble by assaulting Suki. It's been made clear that Shana legitimately doesn't view Little Folk as people (as opposed to a certain someone who says that as an excuse for cruelty), so for her, it was an easy decision to protect someone they care about/respect from doing something "stupid" over a "bug."

But because of Shana's reputation and inability to properly express her emotions, this act came off as cruel and evil, like she was making Emily watch her friend be devoured. And, of course, this is also Emily's interpretation of the whole thing, so she thinks far worse of Shana, even though Shana was only trying to help. This is really intriguing to me, and it also helps me view Shana as a much better (if not a bit misguided or ignorant) person than I thought she was before this chapter.

I love that complexity, and I really love how, 11 chapters in, you've found a way to completely alter the way I view the initial conflict.

I was a bit surprised to see that Shana thought Emily was capable of the level of violence she says she fears in this chapter, however, especially since she says that Emily appears to be just as kind and considerate on the surface. Maybe this is a bit of projection on Shana's part, as she can see how disturbed/disgusted/upset Emily is over the whole thing, and the tomboy can only picture how she would handle such emotions (even if she can't truly comprehend why Emily feels this way over a Little Folk).

And again, we see that Shana, despite what she says, really does love Maya. We already knew that she liked that Emily was such a positive influence/crush for her sister, but the fact that she's so put off by Maya hanging out with Suki and falling for the what are obvious lies really drives this point home.

I do like that Hannah had to be the one to point out that explaining to Emily that Shana isn't a threat to Jane would calm the tensions between the dormmates. Shana would have never figured that out on her own because of her views on Little Folk. And even Liliana, I think, wouldn't have come up with that, because as much as she may worry about those "little darlings" she still doesn't view them as people and has accepted that them being killed is just how things are. If she really felt the same as Emily, she would have rushed off to stop Suki as soon as Shana told her what was happening. Instead, while Liliana does seem to legitimately feel sorry for the tinies, she sees Suki's actions as sad but none of her business.

So it falls on meek, quiet Hannah to inform them both that Jane is Emily's friend, rather than her pet or her toy. That simple point was just beyond them. And while Liliana is happy with Hannah for bringing this up, I think she's happier that this would help her crush ... er, teammate, Shana, than she is that the actual conflict will be solved.

Anyway, obviously I really enjoyed this chapter, even the break from actual size content. I'm a big fan of the way you develop characters, and I'm looking forward to seeing what you've got planned next!

Author's Response:

I do not know what to say, except I am very pleased with your compliment!

While I like this site, the main reason I started writing here is to improve my writing skills, so you saying that makes me really happy!

This chapter, while not the hardest I've written, was certainly the most complicated to get right. It was basically hit or miss.

Even though I had tried to give a few hints in the earlier chapters as to how I wanted her to evolve, I was worried that Shana's behavior would be seen as completely out of character, a complete 180°, and ruin the whole story.

Fortunately, that didn't happen, but it actually turned out a lot better than I thought it would, and I'm really happy about that!

With Hannah, I wanted to show that just because someone doesn't scream about something doesn't mean they don't have anything to say, but that they might actually have something useful to share.

As for Liliana, I tried to write her as a really good person, except that she's the product of a society that views Little Folk as pets at best, plus a general indifference that makes it difficult, if not impossible, for even the most passionate to do anything to help them.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish the new chapter this week, and I'm going to be busy for most of the next week as well. The only thing I was able to do was to rewrite the last part of chapter 9 and the beginning of chapter 10 so that they make more sense and flow more smoothly. (I'll post the rewrite along with the next chapter.)

Hopefully I can finish the chapter by next week, because I hate leaving a cliffhanger like that for so long.

Anyway, thank you again for the review. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: November 12 2023 9:55 PM Title: Suki's Day (Part 4)

I do have a bit of constructive criticism regarding the start of this chapter.

The scene in which Nadia confuses the sock for a monster trying to eat her didn't quite work for me. I was able to figure out what was happening thanks to it being stated outright at the end of the previous chapter, but I found this to be confusing at first here.

First, I think you decided to reuse part of the end of the previous chapter at the start of this one, as it helps to clue the reader in that we're seeing the same scene from a different perspective. This wasn't a bad idea, but the fact that it was exactly the same passage from the before left me with a sense of deja vu and confusion.

If you knew ahead of time that you were going to use this technique, a better strategy might have been to have saved Nadia's portion of the narrative at the end of last chapter for the start of this one exclusively and work those thoughts between Nadia and Suki's lines of dialogue right before it at the start of this chapter, maybe starting with a description of Nadia being taken out of Suki's pocket from the tiny's perspective. In other words, the dialogue tips us off that we're rehashing the previous scene, but Nadia's internal struggle and rage is only expressed in this new chapter.

This would provide us with enough of a clue of what's happening without making us question our sanity (or maybe that was just me?) for a quick second.

Second, while I can buy Nadia not knowing what a sock is (I actually like that, as Jane set the precedent earlier by not knowing what underwear was. This makes sense, as these things are luxuries that people struggling to survive, at least to the extent of the Little Folk, wouldn't have or know about.), I had some trouble believing that Nadia couldn't tell the difference between a living creature and a sock, at least as written here.

I think you were on the right track by noting that she was crying and became terrified as she was lifted, but a more in-depth description about her becoming hysterical or maybe a note that her vision was blurred through tear-stained eyes would have made such a mistake much more believable. Blurred vision could easily justify her mistaking the sock for something like a snake, and going hysterical throws logic out the window entirely, which makes it easier to justify almost anything from her perspective.

Third, a description of Nadia feeling the material of the inner sock as she was "swallowed" and/or during her climb out would have provided an opportunity for the reader to figure out that the beast wasn't a beast at all. Maybe a thought or two from Nadia about how this isn't how she envisioned the "belly of the beast," noting how soft and unalive it seems, could have worked here.

And finally, I feel like we needed just a bit more detail on the "crawling beasts" that Nadia thought the sock resembled. As noted above, I kind of think this was supposed to be a snake, so maybe replacing "crawling" with "slithering" might have helped emphasize this. If it wasn't supposed to be a snake, another description in passing would have helped the reader identify what this was supposed to be.

When I read through this the first time, the "crawling beasts" part threw me off a bit, and I was wondering if Suki had a pet that she was using to tease Nadia with. As I read on, it became clear this wasn't the case, but I was really confused for a minute.

Overall, I think using this immersive narrative style was a good idea here, and you captured Nadia's blend of terror and anger (more on that in a minute) extremely well. But the scene itself was hard to follow and it took reading it a few times for me to figure out exactly what was going on here. I hope my criticisms above made sense and might be useful to you going forward with you work.

Now, with that out of the way, I really liked this chapter overall.

I can't say enough how much I loved Nadia's attitude here. People react differently to fear, and that tends to get lost a bit in these fetish stories, with tinies usually having the narrow emotional range between terror and hopelessness. Nadia deciding to go out with pride and sacrificing herself to inconvenience her captor and the "beast" is refreshing! It was great to see her anger win out over her fear and embrace such a "fuck you!" mentality, even if it didn't work out for her in the end.

I'm really enjoying pretty much all of your characters in this story so far, but Nadia has quickly become one of my absolute favorites!

I also like how the dynamic between Suki and Nadia is shaping up.

With Suki, it was finally stated outright what had been hinted at quite a bit these last few chapters: that Suki had an exceptionally lonely childhood and had no friends. That explains her awkward social skills, as well as her lack of value for other people. I think she takes out her frustrations with people in general out on the Little Folk (I still say that, deep down, she sees them as people, but indulges in society's claim that they aren't to justify doing what she would want to do with anyone if she could get away with it).

In short, she's never had anyone in her life that to care about or who cares about her, and that frustration comes out in sadistic glee as she has tormented Nadia and company.

But now, near the end of the chapter, we see the tiniest signs of her feeling a sense of companionship with Nadia. She uses her personal shower gel to clean the Little Folk (and it's noted how big a deal that is to Suki) and she seems somewhat happy that Nadia is clean and to feed the little person (even her excuse that Nadia was "too clean" to play with seems like a weak excuse to give the girl a break).

I'm not saying that Suki cares about or respects Nadia, but maybe finally having someone else around has started to change her a bit. This opens so many narrative possibilities! I initially thought/hoped this might turn into a Shana redemption story, but is it really a Suki one instead (I wouldn't have even thought that just a couple chapters ago)? Maybe it's one for both of them. Or for neither of them!

Even if Suki keeps being evil, this new development could open some interesting avenues to explore for Suki and Nadia (especially given Nadia's justifiable hatred of Suki).

I've been pretty high on the unique relationship you built between Emily and Jane previously, but I'm starting to see a no less unique one forming between Suki and Nadia but in an entirely different way. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes!

Author's Response:

As always, thanks for your feedback!

As far as criticism goes: I can see the problems now that you've described them to me.

Nadia's POV piece in the previous chapter already clashes with the story. Having it repeated in the next one does indeed feel weird...

Maybe I didn't notice this dissonance because there was a week between writing one chapter and the other, and I didn't reread them both after writing. But as for the snake, it's something I absolutely would not have noticed on my own. It seemed good to me, but that was probably me being biased, having written it.

The two chapters do have the appearance of being disconnected from one another.

Either it looks like a snake is brought in from out of nowhere, with no explanation as to where it comes out, or you get that it's a sock, but then there's no logical explanation as to why Nadia would see the sock as a snake.

For now, my idea is to cut Nadia's POV from the end of the previous chapter and keep it only in the chapter that focuses on her, which is more fitting, and adjust the sock part in both of them to make everything a bit more believable... I hope, anyway.

That said, I'm proud and happy that you like the characters and how they interact with each other, since I tried to create them as complex and believable characters.

As for the redemption... we'll see about that!

Once again, thank you so much!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: November 02 2023 3:33 AM Title: Suki's Day (Part 3)

I really like how these last two chapters contrast with one another so deeply.

Emily and Jane are super sweet together and reading about them just doing day-to-day stuff is heartwarming. But Suki is bone-chillingly evil, not only in the way that she taunts poor Nadia and literally gets off on the thought of torturing Little Folk, but she actually threw a corpse at a little kid! That's harsh!

Going back to the previous chapter, and I mentioned this the last time we checked up on Emily and Jane, I feel like you're setting up a unique dynamic between our two protagonists, and I'm a big fan of where you're going with them. While Emily serves as Janes protector from the horrors Little Folk have to face everyday, Jane has to, in a way, protect Emily from the reality of what those horrors actually are.

Emily is such a sweet and innocent character, and her finding the strength to step up when it comes to keeping Emily safe from threats like Suki gives her just enough of an edge to actually do that. However, "Barbie" is blissfully ignorant to just how dark Jane's world actually is. And whenever Jane slips up and starts casually talking about the terrible things she dealt with on a daily basis before Emily saved her, her giant friend seems almost traumatized, like she doesn't know how to process what she's hearing.

In other words, Emily is shielding Jane from the giant world around her, and Jane is shielding Emily from the darkness that lurks within more of her fellow humans than she can imagine.

I thought this led to an interesting exchange between the two when Emily not-so-subtly telegraphed that she was trying to keep from reminding Jane about everything she went through the day before. Jane was annoyed by this, as it probably briefly reminded her of those humans that are nice to Little Folk but think of them more as pets than people, like she thought Emily didn't think she could handle being reminded of such things. But Jane was able to realize that Emily's wasn't doing it because of that at all. Rather, Emily just didn't want to see her friend suffer unnecessarily (and she clearly wasn't aware that Jane likely dealt with life-threatening circumstances on a daily basis before meeting her).

This built off of the conversation they had the last time we saw them perfectly, as Emily made it clear that she sees Jane as just as much of a person as she is. Without Emily convincing her of that then, she probably would have reacted differently and much less pleasantly. Instead, she's able to brush those initial feelings aside and start teasing Emily about other things.

Also, I loved Jane innocently perving on Emily throughout the chapter. Not only was it straight up adorable, but it made sense as well. Struggling to survive every day likely doesn't leave a lot of room for modesty or embarrassment, so she just says whatever comes to mind, no matter how embarrassing it is for Emily. This lack of filter is also a great way to distinguish Jane from the rest of the characters, so well done on that front, too.

As for the latest chapter, the big takeaway here is that we're further clued into Suki's lack of human connection, which helps to explain her inhuman behavior. Not only does she have no real friends and apparently cold parents, but she was also spoiled as well. That makes for a lethal combination for those she can take out her frustrations on (at a subconscious level, of course), which just so happens to be the Little Folk and apparently the occasional stray child.

Also, it's pretty funny that the one time Suki called Shana, Shana ghosted her. That seems like something Shana would do.

We also get some insight into why it is that the Little Folk remained in the area for so long, even with Shana trampling them uncaringly over and over again. Someone was providing them with food, which probably made it worth it for the tinies to risk getting stepped on, as I'm sure food is hard to come by for them.

And Nadia's mixed emotions about her master make a lot of sense, too. She cared about him and is sad that he's gone, but she also feels like, in trying to save her life, he condemned her to a fate worse than death. I'm interested to see if he keeps this view as the story moves forward. I think her master was thinking that, as long as she's alive, there's still hope. If Nadia ends up finding a way out of her situation, she might be more accepting of that lesson.

But yeah, I feel pretty bad for Nadia. I hope she makes it through the next chapter!

Author's Response:

I am really glad that the last two chapters are of your liking!

I put a lot of thought into the plot and how I could make each of the characters unique, and I'm glad to see that it shows!

I'm also happy that I was able to portray what I wanted with the dialog in a correct way. Your interpretation of the characters is completely on the mark, or at least exactly the way I wanted them to be portrayed.

Jane was someone that I struggled with quite a bit, but I did create some back story for her and her race during the two week hiatus, and developed a personality for her that you have correctly defined.

My personality compels me to inject a little humor, sometimes even a bit dark, even in more serious moments. But I am glad that these moments of levity were successful without being a detriment to the atmosphere.

In those chapters of character development, I took the approach of doing a couple of "slice of life" chapters before I got into the hard stuff with Suki. Then relax for a few more chapters before getting going with Suki again.

The plot is maybe a little bit too predictable, but I hope that I have put in some nice surprises and action just the same.

One part I was a little unsure about, but fortunately you didn't find problematic, was adding another little girl to the story.

My first idea was to include an adult, but I should have either made them similar to Emily, thus making her no longer unique, or a tiny rights activist, but then there would have been no point in their commitment to bringing food to the little people when they could simply take them home or to a shelter.

Besides, it would have been far too easy for a grown-up to stand up to the small, frail Suki, unless they didn't care about the little people's lives, but then they had no reason to be there in the first place.

My second thought was someone naïve but unbiased, so young, possibly another child, and I wanted it to be a boy.

But I discarded this idea as well. A boy might have intimidated Suki or at least presented her with an immediate problem that she would not have been able to solve given her personality.

For this reason, I decided to sneak in another little girl into the story.

It allowed me to both make the point I was trying to make and also to strengthen Suki's role as the ‘antagonist’.

In any case, she should be the last child in the story… I hope.

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: October 19 2023 7:07 AM Title: Shana's Day

It was nice to see Shana show a bit of what's underneath that tough exterior, if only slightly here and there. Getting to see her interact with a different group of characters, ones that she has a different type of relationship with, was able to draw a little more out of her but without her having to give up that rough-around-the-edges demeanor that we've become accustomed to when dealing with her.

And I think we learned a bit about her as well. The way she talked about Emily, even if she didn't say it directly, indicates that she has a certain respect for her. She also trusts Emily with Maya (I'm with Liliana, I'm not buying this "She's not my sister" bit, either), which I think is a bigger deal for her than she lets on.

Also, it was pretty cute how flustered the tomboy got when Liliana subtly let Shana know that she views Shana as a friend. It shows that Shana doesn't really know how to deal with that, which implies that she doesn't have any real friends (I think Suki is more of lackey than a friend).

I think seeing this softer side to Shana could be important moving forward, as I also think that she's going to have to "pick a street" regarding Little Folk for this story to really advance. At some point, she's likely going to recognize that tinies are more than she thought they were, and that can go one of two ways: She can be like Emily and treat them like people or she can be like Suki and use them as a release (although hers would likely be more about anger and stress relief than the sexual release that Shana is seeking).

Either way, I'm guessing that seeing Suki with Nadia (and how Nadia actually reacts to whatever terrible things Suki is doing to her) is going to change the way Shana sees things. Now that we know that there's a (slightly) softer person in there somewhere, we can accept the possibility that she might follow the path of Emily rather than the path of Suki. If she does, what does that mean for her when she thinks back to all the tinies she killed without a care? And if she goes the other way, how crazy is she going to get with tormenting the Little Folk (probably Jane at some point)?

I thought it was interesting that Liliana came to the opposite conclusion that Emily did about Shana's indifference toward stepping on Little Folk. To Emily, not even taking the time to acknowledge that Shana was killing them is worse than Suki deliberately trying to eat them, like Shana is insulting them by acting like they're not even worth acknowledging. Liliana, on the other hand, sympathizes with the tinies, but accepts that unintentional deaths at the feet of people like Shana are going to happen, so it isn't that big of a deal to her. Liliana strikes me as one of those people that Jane described a few chapters ago, a person who cares about Little Folk and maybe even believes that they should have some rights but doesn't see them as equals. I could see her owning a pet tiny and pampering it (I'm assuming she comes from money with the way she was presented here).

I don't know if that comparison holds any significance to the story going forward, but I was kind of intrigued by it nonetheless.

I also wanted to say that you did a great job differentiating all of these new characters, Liliana in particular. I love the regal, teasing, almost benevolent personality you crafted for her. Of course, Hannah's shy, quiet, on-edge character and Satsuki's quiet but deadly and slightly sarcastic demeanor were pretty stark and enjoyable as well.

Author's Response:

Sorry again for the delayed response.

I'm going to keep this short, since a lot of what I could say would be spoilers, but I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter and the new characters!

The new chapter is out, I hope you like it as well!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: October 04 2023 3:35 AM Title: Chapter 6

This chapter cemented Suki as a great villainess for me.

I mean, obviously she was going to eat at least one tiny this chapter (and touch herself again. Good call on that; it's like you know), but the conversation she had with Sean put her on another level as an antagonist. It revealed something about Suki that we couldn't really have known until this point:

Suki knows that the Little Folk are actually people.

Sure, she may have convinced herself that they aren't people on a conscious level, but deep down, she knows the truth. And that makes her that much more evil.

Suki became really frustrated at Sean for not treating her with respect (or really, just not showing the fear that she expected him to). This is because Suki, who thinks she's better than everyone, was annoyed that he didn't acknowledge that she was above him, not just literally, but metaphorically as well. She needed him to know that he was beneath her, just like she needs all of the Little Folk to know it. Eating them is just an expression of that (in her mind) reality, but that isn't enough for her if her victim doesn't accept said reality. That wouldn't matter if she thought of them as mindless bugs, like Shana does.

I love the depth this adds to Suki's character. She went from just a spoiled mean girl who doesn't know any better to an absolute monster. Well done!

In the short time that he was around, I really liked Sean. I'm a big fan of tinies who aren't just begging for mercy or helplessly giving in to their larger bullies. He knew what was going to happen, accepted it, and did everything he could to make the experience less enjoyable for Suki and even manipulated her into keeping Nadia alive. Farewell, Sean. We hardly knew ye!

I am curious as to what the master-pupil relationship between Sean and Nadia was. What exactly was he a master of? What did Nadia learn from him? Was he just teaching her how to survive in the world or was there something more? Given how smart Sean came off during his brief time in the story, I'm really interested in this, and I hope we learn more about it through Nadia at some point.

This story actually flowed pretty well for you coming up with the plot on a chapter-by-chapter basis. I'm actually surprised to see that was the case. I look forward to seeing what you decide to do with this story in a couple weeks. It certainly doesn't feel over, but it is wide open as to what can happen next.

Author's Response:

Sorry for taking so long to respond.

I don't have much to say, except that I'm glad you're enjoying and liking the story.

I have tried my best to incorporate everything you suggested, and it is flowing much better for me now, too.

Although I had the characters and plot in mind when I started, your suggestions have made me expand on the former and deviate from the latter, and the result is a completely different but much better story than I had in mind.

Originally, my story was about two chapters long, with a third chapter that was kind of a post-battle (or post-eating) follow-up.

Thankfully, both you and MicroThaumaturge gave me two detailed and very helpful replies, which were more like honest-to-goodness vademecums, brimming with useful information and advices.

It made me discard every idea I had and think about the story chapter by chapter, but it still produced something good.

Or maybe it would be better to say that it was exactly because of this that something good came out of it!

Anyway, I'm going to keep trying to improve myself so that everyone can enjoy the story I'm writing!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 29 2023 6:27 AM Title: Chapter 5

I really enjoyed this chapter! While I'm loving the Emily-Jane stuff, the old saying that "a story is only as good as it's villain" has a lot of merit, so it was nice to see Suki get the narrative spotlight for a bit. We got a hint of a backstory, some more insight into her personality, and a lot of inappropriate touching in public. That's all we can ask for, really!

We only saw her briefly, but I feel like you found Maya's voice! I think her using shorter sentences but several in a row was the right way to go with her. It gave her a youthful tone, maybe because it made her seem "quick" or hyper. In any case, between that and the generous use of exclamation points there at the end of her segment, her dialogue came off as unique, and, at least to me, it seemed to fit the character well.

I loved that Suki took the time to laugh so long after pulling one over on Maya. I think for a lot of characters, even evil ones, it would have felt out of place or weird for her to take the time to focus on that after the fact. But Suki's extreme arrogance and sense of entitlement make that work for her. She feels superior to Maya (and everyone else), and this is just one way that she expresses it, even if it's only to herself.

The interaction between Shana and Suki was pretty intriguing. Shana's even mean to her friends. She comes off as less like a villain and more like an uncaring grump, which gives her a very different feel from Suki. I'm really interested to see where you go with Shana over the course of the story. With her backstory, there's certainly some potential for redemption for her, but she could just as easily not go that way, too. Even if she stays as that uncaring grump until the end, she's still a fun character to read.

And, again, excellent work on cranking up the vulgarity for our tomboy bully. It makes her come off as more menacing, even to her best friend.

Overall, this was a great setup for what's coming. Let's hope Suki can at least keep her hand out of her pants before she fills up. No need to taunt the Little Folk too much!

Author's Response:

I'm thrilled you enjoyed the chapter so much!

This chapter was actually the one I struggled with the least, this was pretty much the first draft I wrote, to which I only added details or reworded some things afterward.

The fact that I could freely explore the characters present without the restraint of morality gave me more room to maneuver, and I'm especially happy that I was able to portray Shana exactly as I wanted her from the beginning.

As for Maya, I have to admit that I only put that dialogue as a placeholder, but if you think it's good, then I can move on just worrying about figuring out how to write Jane!

And spoilers for the last thing... Sorry, but no. She couldn't help herself.

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 21 2023 6:44 PM Title: Chapter 4

This was a nice feel-good chapter. It came off as very sweet and wholesome, and it sounds like that will contrast quite nicely with the next chapter, where we're likely to get into the darker, more fetishy stuff.

I really like the unique dynamic between Emily and Jane. In particular, Jane makes this relationship feel different, as her acknowledgement that even most of the humans trying to help the Little Folk don't view them as people displays her appreciation of Emily viewing her as an equal. In most of these stories, the tinies are either terrified of giants or feel that they deserve to be treated like people, so it's refreshing to see a little person who has simply adapted to the way the world views her kind, only to find someone to fill her with hope and maybe even a renewed sense of self-worth.

Emily's wholesomeness also shines through brilliantly throughout the chapter. Even the threat to Suki (which I meant to mention last chapter), while seemingly out of character at first glance, actually fits her really well when you realize that she's stepping out of her comfort zone for Jane's sake. This love-motivated threat gave her some depth as a character, and it made an impact with the reader (and Suki, apparently) as well.

And her immediate reaction when getting into her room makes a lot of sense. She clearly has a strong sense of personal accountability and feels like she put Jane in danger, despite not having any way to know what Suki was going to do beforehand. But this also contrasts really, really well with Jane's worldview that I mentioned above. While Emily feels like she put Jane in harm's way, Jane is used to the world trying to kill her. Emily has no idea what that's like, so she ends up being more psychologically affected by the whole thing than Jane, the one who was almost eaten. Jane ends up being the one that has to comfort Emily. You would think it would be the other way around, but with the way things have been set up, this actually makes a lot of sense.

Jane's pep talk was inspirational and fun to read, but I do feel like there was something that could have been done to build to that moment in order to give it even more of an impact. I've mentioned in previous reviews that those earlier chapters could have benefited from showing just a bit more attention to Jane. After reading this chapter, I feel that way even more so. In particular, a quick reference or two to Jane during Emily and Shana's "philosophical debate" on Little Folk, namely, Jane's reaction to Emily arguing that tinies are actually people, could have hinted at Jane's view of giant-Little Folk relations. Relaying a sense of shock from Jane at Emily's words then would have provided the reader something to draw from during Jane's speech now, and I think that would have made a touching scene even more poignant.

That's not to say that the scene was hurt by not doing this. I just think that including stuff like that when you know how a character is feeling and what's coming ahead can give your story a bit more punch, if that makes sense.

I think you did a solid job of this with Maya's crush on Emily. the narrative revealed little bits of the relationship between the two, such as Maya noting that Emily was the only one that was nice to her when she visited the dorm, Emily wanting to comfort Maya when Shana called her a cockroach, and Maya looking to Emily for protection when Shana abused her, so it kind of made sense that Maya would have feelings for Emily. That being said, there were a couple more direct ways this could have been conveyed as well, such as having Maya be nervous, maybe even stutter a bit, when greeting Emily (that might be a bit too obvious, but I'm just throwing examples out there) or having Maya suddenly get a bit more aggressive when Shana grabbed Emily (this would have especially stood out with how meek Maya had been up to that point).

Again, I think what you did works pretty well, but I just wanted to suggest some additional things you could have done to help set this development up.

Speaking of Maya, I have to admit, I was a bit nervous to see an underage character in this story (this is a fetish site, after all), but I decided to see how things played out before rushing to judgment. I'm glad I did, as she has brought an innocent, wholesome tone to the story and hasn't been "fetish-ized" at all. I feel like you may have addressed this directly when she talked about giving Emily and Jane privacy because she wasn't old enough to think about that stuff yet. I appreciated that!

But yeah, this story seems more narrative-driven than fetish-driven, so I'm okay with Maya's role within it so far. Like I said, I was on the fence on this, and this chapter pushed me over it, so I figured I'd say something.

As for criticism, I did think that the dialogue came off as a bit clunky at times here, particularly from Maya. At times, she doesn't really come off as a 13-year-old girl. Jane also spoke pretty formally (for lack of a better term), but admittedly, we don't know much about Little Folk culture yet, so that might be normal for them. I guess based on the way she was dressed and how little she's said so far, this surprised me a bit. I would also say that these two seem to speak in a very similar manner.

It's tricky, but distinguishing different speaking styles for your characters can really help them stand out. Take Emily, for example. So far, she has spoken primarily in shorter sentences and avoided longer lines of dialogue. She also has been portrayed as quiet, kind, and maybe just a bit shy, so that fits her well. It also makes her different from all of the other characters we've met so far.

Maybe for a younger character like Maya, throw in a bit more slang terms and have her be more talkative. These are traits that can convey a youthful friendliness. For Jane, you might be on the right track. She has been mostly quiet until she's comfortable around someone, but now we're starting to see her open up to Emily and even Maya a bit. That seems like a reasonable approach for someone living in a world that's mostly cruel to her kind. Maybe put a bit more of her background into her word choices, though. Does she live in the walls of some academic or does she spend all her time on the streets foraging for food? How familiar with human culture is she (calling Shana Black Titan instead of Brown Titan seems to imply at least some sense of familiarity)? Things like that would certainly affect her vocabulary.

Dialogue is really hard to write, so don't take this criticism as harsh. This chapter definitely works as written. But nailing these difficult things can bring your writing to the next level.

Great work so far overall! The gentle aspects of this chapter really hit home. It will be interesting to see how well you handle the decidedly less than gentle aspects of the next one.

Author's Response:

Thanks for another detailed review and sorry it took me so long to respond.

I am extremely satisfied that you feel that the chapter has ultimately been successful.

Although unfortunately the way the characters speak show little of their personality, I was afraid that the chapter as a whole would be too awkward to read, but fortunately I was wrong.

As for Maya, I imagined that some people might feel disturbed by her inclusion in this kind of story, but it was never my plan to include her in the 'fetishized' part of it.

My intent with her was, from the beginning, just to offer an innocent point of view of the story, free of the preconceptions that the other characters may have.

On that note, thank you for waiting to see how I developed her before judging, I truly appreciate that!

In the next couple of chapters both Jane and Maya are absent, so I'll try to find a better way to write their speech, but for now I have no real ideas yet. We'll see!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 16 2023 1:35 AM Title: Chapter 3

This was a pretty rewarding chapter. After Jane was looking pretty well screwed last chapter, it was nice to see Emily and Maya come through in the clutch.

In particular, Emily finding that inner strength that she didn't know she had to break away from Shana and headbutt Suki was satisfying to read. Up until this point, she's come off as a nonviolent type of person, so for her to step that far out of her comfort zone to save Jane comes off as a really big deal.

One minor thing, though. I personally would have had Emily throw her head back and headbutt Shana's face or step on her toes or something instead of screaming to get free. I guess it's possible that she could scream high pitch enough to hurt the bully's ears, but I think it would have been easier to buy Emily doing something a bit more physical and catching Shana by surprise. Other than that, I thought that scene was really good.

I enjoyed getting some backstory on Shana, and I think using Maya as a catalyst for that was a good call. The tension between Maya's mom and Shana makes her mean streak make sense, and it allows the reader to feel just a tad bit of sympathy for her. I like complicated characters, and Shana now has a couple more layers to her than she did a chapter ago.

I also think Shana's dialogue came off a lot better than it did last chapter. She came off a lot more crude than she did before, which fits her character so much better. Personally, I might have shortened up a couple of her lines of dialogue and further embraced contractions for her ("You don't even know where it has been" to "You don't even know where it's been," for example), but this was a huge improvement! I also noticed we checked in on Jane once before she got shoved in Suki's mouth, which was welcomed as well. Just keep working at these things as you move forward and I think your work will pop that much more.

Speaking of dialogue, I do want to say that the way you write Suki fits the characteristics you've been presenting her with perfectly. She sounds like an entitled snob every time she speaks. Keep up the good work on that front!

So it looks like we'll get to see Maya and Emily console Jane after her near-death experience and/or Suki go tiny hunting in the next chapter or two. Either way, I'm looking forward to it!

Author's Response:

I'm really thrilled with your review!

I spent a lot of time trying to find the right way to write my characters, and I'm really happy that you think I succeeded! Especially Shana, who sounds better to me too now that she's more crude and vulgar.

Still speaking about Shana, the fact is that I don't like evil giantesses, or at least the one dimensional ones, who are evil just because, so the fact that you appreciate me giving her some character motivation is something that hypes me up!

Suki, on the other hand, is almost easy for me, and I don't know how to take the fact that I manage to write an entitled snob so well, so I'll take it as a compliment! Just kidding, I'm glad you like her too! Or at least that you think she turned out well.

And yes, you got the next 2 chapters right, the first of which I'll post as soon as I finish writing here, and I hope you'll find it good!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 06 2023 4:06 AM Title: Chapter 2

“Tomayto, tomahto.” Shana replied, shrugging with a smirk.

I know the misspellings are for emphasis, and that was definitely the way to get the point across here, but part of me still wishes that you just spelled "tomato" twice. I don't know why, but I find that thought pretty funny for some reason.

But on a more serious note, I think you did a great job of using dialogue to give us important details on this world, particularly the status of tinies within it. Emily and Shana's little back and forth was both entertaining and informative.

That technique also made the portion of the chapter in which you used the narrative to explain some details not come off as exposition-y. The explanation about those fighting for little folks' rights was written in a way that followed the flow of the conversation, and those three brief one-sentence paragraphs came off more as a deeper look at Emily's perspective and less as an infodump.

And I like the small additions to the first chapter. Seeing that Jane was wearing torn pieces of cloth tells us a lot about how tinies live day-to-day. And did the original version of the chapter note that Maya was 13, or did I just miss that the first time around?

I do have a couple of knits to pick, if that's alright. These are just me being picky since you seem to be looking to continue working on your craft. These are some things that I think can make the difference between a good story and a great one, as opposed to a good story or a bad one, if that makes sense.

The first piece of constructive criticism is that I didn't feel as though Shana's dialogue matched up with the character you set up in the first chapter. She was giving off major tomboy bully vibes when you first described her, but she came off as a bit stuffy when she spoke, and her word choices seemed a bit uncommon.

Here's an example:

 “So riddle me this, Barbie. If they are people, then why hasn't anyone ever been jailed or even just tried for killing them?”

I feel like the words "jailed" and "tried," while used correctly here, aren't being used in a way that people commonly speak, making Shana come off as sounding odd. The "riddle me this" isn't odd in general, but I'm not sure that it fits the character that you've set up.

She's your character, so maybe it isn't my place to say, but I think something like this sounds more appropriate for a tomboy bully:

Okay then, Barbie. If they're people, then how come nobody's ever gone to court or even been arrested for killing them?"

(I did think the Barbie insult was a nice touch, by the way. That's just the type of thing a tomboy would make fun of somebody like Emily for, I think: assuming that she's a stuck-up airhead just because she's blonde.)

I think you could even lose the "gone to court" and have arrested stand on its own, but I left it in to replace tried.

Not to beat a dead horse, but there was one more example that stuck out for me:

“This farce has been going on for too long. Show me what you have in hand of your own choosing before I decide to do it myself.”

To me, this sounds like something an old-fashioned noble (or at least a rich, "went to the best schools" kind of kid) would say. The word farce, again, doesn't sound like it belongs in the mouth of a tomboy. I also think that for a bully like Shana, the threat would have played better had the violence been a bit more directly implied.

Here's another way this could have been stated:

"This shit's gone on for too long. Show me what's in your hand before I make you."

"Shit" (or "crap" if you don't want the character to swear) sounds more crude then farce, and therefore, to me, sound more like something a bully or tomboy might say. I also think "make you" sounds more like a threat than "decide to do it myself," which requires more context to realize what that means (the context isn't lacking here, but my point is that "make you" is simpler).

In both of my examples, I also tried to shorten the sentences a bit, make them a bit crisper. I feel like bullies tend to keep their sentences short and to the point. It makes what they say appear more threatening, I think. Notice I used "nobody's" and "shit's" instead of "nobody has" and "shit has." I also cut off the extra verbiage "of your own choosing" entirely in the second example.

Your pretty good at writing dialogue in general, but the next step is to really hone in on the way in which each character speaks. Someone like Shana, at least based on my interpretation, should sound a bit more rough around the edges, for example. Things like that are tricky, but they really help your characters come alive and distinguish themselves from each other.

The other "knit" is that I would have liked to have seen a bit more of Jane in this chapter. I think Emily and Shana driving the conversation was the right call, but maybe Jane could have tried to chime in only to be shut down harshly by Shana, which would fit into the effort to establish tinies place in this world. Or perhaps taking a quick sentence between lines of dialogue once in a while to describe Jane's reactions to what's being said.

Maybe Jane tries to hide between Emily's fingers as Shana talks about tinies being killed. Or she could tremble with either fear or anger as Shana tells Emily that little folk aren't people. She could even look up in admiration at Emily for standing up for her kind. Or it could have been a neat bit of foreshadowing to have her shiver a bit as she catches Suki stealing a weird glance at her.

Now, you did do this once in the chapter, when Maya tried to comfort Jane only to have the little folk shiver and Maya stop as a result.  But as Emily and Shana got into it, I found myself really curious how Jane was taking all this. So I guess my advice is that you can show reactions, both directly or indirectly, for characters that aren't playing a role in a conversation if what's being talked about is of interest to them, if that makes sense.

But despite my long-winded, overdetailed ramblings above, I thought this was a really good chapter. I'm pretty invested in what happens to Jane, and getting your audience to care about your characters is really the hardest part of writing, so well done! I'm eager to see where you take this story next!

Author's Response:

Thank you for the detailed analysis of the chapter. I'm really grateful that my request for advice is taken so seriously. I started posting stories in the vague hope that someone would give me some pointers, but I keep hitting the jackpot every chapter, thanks to people like you!

I'm also happy that you think it's a good chapter and want to keep reading, this is very rewarding for me!

I am very pleased that you think my idea of providing information through dialogue between characters or their reasoning and thoughts was successful in making it feel natural, as it was my main goal for this chapter.

Unfortunately, my focus was totally on that and I actually forgot about Jane herself until the end of the talk…

And I find that you're right about Shana. I should have made her speak more coarsely and vulgarly, to make her more Tomboy-like.

I'll finish the new chapter first before making any changes or additions, like last time.

Oh, and speaking of additions, thanks also for reviewing the previous chapter for the two additions, namely Jane clothes and Maya age and motivation to be there. While I purposely left the three protagonists to an unspecified 20-year-old, Maya was much younger being only 13, but not having specified it, she looked totally out of place, appearing as a 20-year-old playing with dolls on the floor.

Thanks again and I hope you will continue to follow me!

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