[Report This]Date: March 06 2023 7:00 PM Title: Really Small
Decent erotic story with some cute elements. As others have pointed out, the spacing needs to be a whole lot better for readability. Some parts of the story are not delved into at all, such as why the 'mad' doctor has shrunk the two lads and is attempting to shrink the family too. Not to mention why/how he is also shrunken. Way too much time is devoted to the doctor's demise. I don't think anyone really cares too much about him, even the author, as he is given no motivation or back story. The ending could be better written as well. This one is a good candidate for a rewrite.
Date: September 27 2009 10:55 PM Title: Really Small
very good ! i hope that Laureen, this so lovely maneater will have a lot of other tiny men inside her !
Date: September 16 2009 2:27 PM Title: Really Small
Hi i agree with 360fighter it was hard to read but i really enjoyed it,you succeded in writing from a girls view point.I wish they had been a little bigger though so that that she could have felt them struggling to live in her tummy. That's my desire to be able to feel my victim as they fight to live keep writing i look forward to reading your next story.
Date: September 12 2009 10:40 AM Title: Really Small
its good but really hard to read with it so close together. its also kind of confusing with the dialogue so close