[Report This]Date: October 07 2022 1:02 AM Title: Chapter 1: Deadbeat Daughter
Really cool to have so many perspectives here. It's pretty ballsy having built up the dramatic tension here, and having the ONLY size interaction in the story seen through a small gap. It gives me the sensation of looking at unintentional fetish content in other media and letting my brain run wild.
Author's Response:
Why thank you! It was a difficult decision to come to, but ultimately I realized there was simply no other way to introduce the shrinking mechanism than as such. It could only be through Alexis's clandestine observation. And I'm glad it was evocative!
[Report This]Date: October 06 2022 2:51 AM Title: Chapter 1: Deadbeat Daughter
This is a fantastic story, but you have a lot of grammatical errors that make it hard to follow.
May I suggest writing out a chapter, then waiting a day before you post it in order to proofread it? Rereading your story, which is quite good, will give you a second look at what you wrote in order to correct any mistakes {i.e. "he" instead of "she" or visa versa}.
Looking forward to your next chapter. This has the foundations of a great story.
Author's Response:
I appreciate your compliments. That said, I'd have to have some concrete examples of the grammatical errors you're referring to, here. By no means do I consider myself infallible -- I expect to notice and correct mistakes in most of my works. But I sincerely don't know exactly what you're talking about, especially since not only have I reread this multiple times, but I've had a friend (who is in many respects a superior writer to me) read it multiple times as well.
Is it possible what you recognize as mistakes are merely the vernacular of Alexis's first-person narration?