[Report This]Date: September 11 2022 2:57 AM Title: Hopelessly Devoted
First off, brilliant story plot. Excellent idea and execution of said story line.
That said, you wrote you "wanted to practice some first person and dialogue writing", and I have to say you did exceptionally well.
As far as grammatical and spelling errors, perhaps I missed them but I did not notice any. Then again I had seven shots of bourbon { HA HA HA HA HA HA HA}. Honestly though, your writing is top notch. Your first person perspective is pretty much spot on.
I personally think you do not give yourself the credit as a writer as you truly deserve. You're quite exceptional as a writer.
Beyond my praise, I have two bits of advice.
First, always write for both you and your intended audience. No one is going to write THE PERFECT STORY LOVED BY ALL. So write the story you and your target audience enjoy. Ignore criticism from those you are not writing for, who are not your targeted readers {e.g. people who criticize your size change story from the perspective of vegans complaining your protagonist does not eat cauliflower in each chapter. No offense meant to vegans on my part, just an example of non-related conflict.}
Second, always proofread your writing. After writing a chapter, wait a day and go back and proofread it. Make sure it says what you intend it to say. Make sure there are no or very few spelling or grammatical errors. Nothing detracts from a story more than improper grammar.
Author's Response:
Woah, thank you for such high praise. Recently, I've been trying to pursue writing as a career so that means a lot to hear from someone who isn't my gf lol. (also I was balls deep in an acid trip when I read this review so your bourbon comment gave me a laugh).
Either way, I really appreciate the kind words and advice D W. I hope you enjoy wherever the rest of this story goes.
Date: September 11 2022 1:34 AM Title: Hopelessly Devoted
This was well written and I can’t wait to see where this goes.
Yea amber should have run.
Author's Response:
Cheers, I'm glad it's hooked you.
Amber may have been slightly blinded by love.
[Report This]Date: September 11 2022 12:53 AM Title: Hopelessly Devoted
This is a really solid start, everything fits cleanly/smoothly, and it seems there is already a whole city that will get smushed.
Thought hopefully Amber does try and ask for a way to reverse the effect, its a least a smart thing to ask.
Author's Response:
Thanks!
Yeah, who knows how long that city is gonna last.
I'm sure Amber will try to think of something though.