[Report This]Date: June 06 2022 2:44 AM Title: Chapter 9 Tom and Hinba
I'm going to give my opinion on the story as a whole, and then a critique afterwards.
Firstly, let me say that this story and it prequel were good enough to get me to create a new account on this site after deleting my old one almost a decade ago, just so I could leave review. Each new chapter has been the highlight of each day over the last week, so kudos for crafting an engaging story with compelling characters. This story and its prequel have managed to thread a delicate balance between plot and smut, and I think that you handled incorporating the two elements together excellently. The relationship between Tom and Hinba has been an absolute delight to read.
From the way the previous chapter ended, I was afraid that this might be where our two protagonists fates might be headed, and seeing it turn out this way actually brought me to tears. If this is how this story is meant to end, then congratulations on crafting something one of a kind. For me personally, I'm desperately hoping there a little magic left in the world that can reunite Tom and Hinba (if not to stop my tears, then because I would be over the moon to get a third story with these two).
In terms of the writing itself, I think you done an excellent job with character development, world building, and story structure and so I have no comments there. There were a few typos here and there, but they were rare and never distracted from the story. My only real critique is as a reader, I was a little unclear how Tom figured out (or guessed) that the townsfolk were trapped in the Worldstone, but I have missed something that second read through will reveal.
I'm at the edge of my seat to see what you make next.
Author's Response:
a279;Thank you so much!!! That means the absolute world to hear.
I completely see where you’re coming from on the worldstone realization. Like, I tried really hard to find that right balance of smut and plot but another thing that I tried to balance were the times Tom was ahead of the reader and the times the reader was one step ahead of Tom. The worldstone realization was definitely former, but Tom himself couldn’t allow himself to even conceive of that realization before he was ready to tell Hinba because of her mind reading shenanigans. I completely agree that I didn’t do a great job of going back and explaining his thought process (weather I forgot or I never found a good place in the narrative to do it). With the charm gone, we might get some more insight into Tom's thought process in the future.
[Report This]Date: June 06 2022 2:34 AM Title: Chapter 9 Tom and Hinba
This was a great story, there were parts I wasn't sure of, but at the end I really enjoyed the journey the characters went on together. I wonder what's coming in that epilogue, and if this is really the end of things. Even if it is, it's enough of a bittersweet note that I'm satisfied either way. Congratulations on this work!
Author's Response:
Lol you knew me too well. The rug-pull in the epilogue is quickly becoming my favorite style.
[Report This]Date: June 06 2022 1:46 AM Title: Chapter 9 Tom and Hinba
Such a beautiful chapter and perfect conclusion. I was legitimately brought to tears by the ending.
It was a perfect bittersweet moment though. This whole story development from unwilling prey, to willing but sad, to now willing and fully accepting it only to have her no longer find any enjoyment from consuming him is one of the best culminations of a vore relationship stories ever in my opinion.
Hoping Hinba will find some solace in the epilogue. It would be a dream if there is some magic left in the worldstone that can save Tom for a true happy ending, but either way this was a very well done emotionally affecting story. Excellent debut for your first time writing!