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Reviewer: imaybegae Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 07 2022 4:55 PM Title: Chapter 1 Rude Awakening

 



Author's Response:

Wow! 25 stars! Thank you so much!!!

Reviewer: imaybegae Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 07 2022 4:55 PM Title: Chapter 1 Rude Awakening

 

Reviewer: imaybegae Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 07 2022 4:55 PM Title: Chapter 1 Rude Awakening

 

Reviewer: imaybegae Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 07 2022 4:54 PM Title: Chapter 1 Rude Awakening

 

Reviewer: imaybegae Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 07 2022 4:54 PM Title: Chapter 1 Rude Awakening

 

Reviewer: Greenanon Signed [Report This]
Date: June 06 2022 12:36 PM Title: Epilogue

Apparently I should have just waited a few hours to review haha, anyways I can't wait to see how Hinba reacts on getting Tom back, good work, looking forward to the next part.

Reviewer: bulfrog3232 Signed [Report This]
Date: June 06 2022 6:27 AM Title: Chapter 1 Rude Awakening

I honestly never expected a sequel, further more I never thought I'd be visiting the site every day for the past week waiting on a new chapter upload. I'm truly blown away by your story telling skills.

I welled up a bit at the end. Not gonna lie. I can't wait to see what other stories you have in mind!



Author's Response:

Thank you so much! I put a lot of thought into how quickly/slowly I would release the chapters so there were no spoiler but readers still have that emotional buildup. Hearing that a lot of people get really emotional is a huge win! 

Working on the continuation of this story for now but it's really slow going... I know what happens but have yet to give any thought to how the reader will read the story if that makes sense... 

Reviewer: combine45 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 06 2022 6:21 AM Title: Epilogue

He made it!

Look forward to Hinba x Tom reunion / full on love.

War is going to be a hell of an arc too I can only assume :) .

Reviewer: Divediveburners Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 06 2022 3:44 AM Title: Epilogue

Dang it crow, your release schedule means that I'm going to have to look like I'm spamming.

You have a knack for plot progression, revealing surprises that we should have known all along from details revealed in earlier chapters. Himba and Tom's relationship developed exactly the way it should have. I believe there was really only one way it could have gone, and you drove the path with frightening precision. The turning point with Himba going unconscious and Tom rescuing her, I think was the best transition it could have been.

There's a lot of interesting details with this world, including the worldstone, worldtree, monsters and humans and such. I don't believe I have it all figured out, because I was kind of speed reading to get to the next plot progression, but I'm going to have to reread this at some point to get all the details. It would have been tragic if this was the true end for Darth Thomius the Wise, then we wouldn't have him to explore even more of this world.

There was a most profound detail at the end between the Worldtree and Worldstone, in that their relationship mirrored that of Himba and Tom. This would have been a nice tragic story, but with the epilogue, I actually feel the story became even more poignant, especially since you wrapped up some of the themes throughout the plot a bit more nicely.

I guess in War, we'll find out who captured Himba's villagers.



Author's Response:

"Hello, FBI.... Oh hey Barb.... Yes, it's me again... Yes, it's about the spammer-…. Yes I’ll hold……….” 

LOLOL Definitely let me know what you think on your second read! I tried to add as much subtext as I could fit into this story and I would love to see how much actually came through on the final product.

All in all, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your reviews and comments! They have been a delight to read!

Reviewer: Divediveburners Signed [Report This]
Date: June 06 2022 3:13 AM Title: Chapter 1 Rude Awakening

Have you ever heard of the Tragedy of Thomas the Wise? It's not a story demons would tell you. It's a human legend. You see, Thomas was a human, so clever and so wise, he could manipulate the situations with his dommy waifu to create ... smut. In fact, his knowledge and his attention to detail were so precise, he could bend the very threads of destiny itself to put off becoming prey. The only thing he was afraid of was ... becoming bound to his fate, which eventually he was. Unfortunately, he gave away all of his sovereignty and everything he knew to his pred waifu, who then vored him on his deathbed. It's ironic, he could rescue others from their fate ... but not himself.

- Sheev "DewitDommy57" Palpatine



Author's Response:

I think Tom would hate the idea ending up on the "lore dump" wall of shame... er, I mean... "tomb of the mages" 

However, I'll leave it up to the audience if he's a Star Wars fan or a Treky 

Reviewer: Gerbo Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 06 2022 2:44 AM Title: Chapter 9 Tom and Hinba

I'm going to give my opinion on the story as a whole, and then a critique afterwards.

Firstly, let me say that this story and it prequel were good enough to get me to create a new account on this site after deleting my old one almost a decade ago, just so I could leave review. Each new chapter has been the highlight of each day over the last week, so kudos for crafting an engaging story with compelling characters. This story and its prequel have managed to thread a delicate balance between plot and smut, and I think that you handled incorporating the two elements together excellently. The relationship between Tom and Hinba has been an absolute delight to read. 

From the way the previous chapter ended, I was afraid that this might be where our two protagonists fates might be headed, and seeing it turn out this way actually brought me to tears. If this is how this story is meant to end, then congratulations on crafting something one of a kind. For me personally, I'm desperately hoping there a little magic left in the world that can reunite Tom and Hinba (if not to stop my tears, then because I would be over the moon to get a third story with these two). 


In terms of the writing itself, I think you done an excellent job with character development, world building, and story structure and so I have no comments there. There were a few typos here and there, but they were rare and never distracted from the story. My only real critique is as a reader, I was a little unclear how Tom figured out (or guessed) that the townsfolk were trapped in the Worldstone, but I have missed something that second read through will reveal.

I'm at the edge of my seat to see what you make next.



Author's Response:

a279;Thank you so much!!! That means the absolute world to hear. 

I completely see where you’re coming from on the worldstone realization. Like, I tried really hard to find that right balance of smut and plot but another thing that I tried to balance were the times Tom was ahead of the reader and the times the reader was one step ahead of Tom. The worldstone realization was definitely former, but Tom himself couldn’t allow himself to even conceive of that realization before he was ready to tell Hinba because of her mind reading shenanigans. I completely agree that I didn’t do a great job of going back and explaining his thought process (weather I forgot or I never found a good place in the narrative to do it). With the charm gone, we might get some more insight into Tom's thought process in the future.

Reviewer: Greenanon Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 06 2022 2:34 AM Title: Chapter 9 Tom and Hinba

This was a great story, there were parts I wasn't sure of, but at the end I really enjoyed the journey the characters went on together. I wonder what's coming in that epilogue, and if this is really the end of things. Even if it is, it's enough of a bittersweet note that I'm satisfied either way. Congratulations on this work!


Author's Response:

Lol you knew me too well. The rug-pull in the epilogue is quickly becoming my favorite style.

Reviewer: combine45 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 06 2022 1:46 AM Title: Chapter 9 Tom and Hinba

Such a beautiful chapter and perfect conclusion. I was legitimately brought to tears by the ending. 

It was a perfect bittersweet moment though. This whole story development from unwilling prey, to willing but sad, to now willing and fully accepting it only to have her no longer find any enjoyment from consuming him is one of the best culminations of a vore relationship stories ever in my opinion.

Hoping Hinba will find some solace in the epilogue. It would be a dream if there is some magic left in the worldstone that can save Tom for a true happy ending, but either way this was a very well done emotionally affecting story. Excellent debut for your first time writing!



Reviewer: Greenanon Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 04 2022 5:38 PM Title: Chapter 8 Pyrrhic Victory

It looks like Tom and Hinba might find themselves separated, right as they were finally starting to have real feelings for each other. This is a pretty compelling story and the relationship between the leads is fun. The world you've created here is interesting, it certainly has a unique and wild flavor to it, for lack of a better description.

Reviewer: combine45 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 04 2022 4:11 AM Title: Chapter 7 Back Home

I SO LOVE THIS STORY. 


You've kept true to the up the characters of Hinba and Tom very well this whole time. At the same time the relationship has totally been developing. We're back to only getting Tom's perspective on each chapter since the epilogue of part 1, yet it comes across very well that Hinba's care and attachment is building. It would be way to simple and would end the dynamic if she went full gentle anytime before now, and keeping to her demon tendencies while protecting and caring about how tom perceives her as not abusive has been perfect. Every chapter whether its plot or sexy based has been top notch.


For what's coming next, I am eagerly anticipating Tom's upcoming decision on if he's going to break the Worldstone on the earth or demon side. Its a huge climactic moment in him trusting Hinba long term, and she better damn appreciate it if he chooses to stay with her.

Reviewer: Greenanon Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 02 2022 3:59 AM Title: Chapter 4 Building Blocks

Interesting to see how this relationship continues to develop. I do wonder if she was serious about revealing that weakness, on the one hand Tom, at this point, doesn't seem like he'd ever use it, on the other it does seem like a setup on the off chance he ever seriously tried to betray her, it's just hard to get a read on her intent with that one. I do wonder how her relationship with her villagers was...

Reviewer: Greenanon Signed [Report This]
Date: June 01 2022 1:13 PM Title: Chapter 3 Broken Men

The plot thickens, it seems like Hinba isn't the only one going back and forth between worlds. I have to say Tom is a pretty good guy, even in spite of everything he's always trying to save everyone. I don't know how much time I'd spend arguing for the bandits under the circumstances, but then that's probably part of why Hinba likes him in the first place.

Reviewer: Divediveburners Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 01 2022 5:50 AM Title: Chapter 3 Broken Men

Back at it again with the sequel. You've maintained the ambiguous relationship between Himba and Tom. At the same time, its clearly advanced, while he is a condemned man, his fate is in the air, while in the first story, his fate was all but certain, were it not for the miracle in the end. That's some clever plotting.

These chapters are a bit ... steamier, and I'm not sure if that's because there's more action than the first. It might be because Himba is just ever so slightly more cordial than she was in the first chapter. She seems to swing between giving Tom a good time, and humiliating him, it may be just her nature. Still, I'm kind of with Greenanon, although your response to him has me worried.

It still like good 'ol Tom. He acts the same way I would react if I were in this situation, and it seems my life was at the whims of a demon who just can't seem to understand why I would hate being condemned to such a fate. He seems to be taking a lot of L's, but hopefully, he's a comeback man.

Reviewer: Greenanon Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 31 2022 7:30 PM Title: Chapter 1 Rude Awakening

Tom is definitely enjoying himself more than he'll admit I think. The dynamic between the two is fun, Hinba is definitely making good use of her reality warping powers for this one.

Reviewer: combine45 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 31 2022 4:56 AM Title: Chapter 2 Broken Ribs

Love this story progression. Hinba is keeping her dominant sadistic personality even as her attachment towards Tom grows. 

Whereas the entire first story was Tom trying to escape his fate and ultimately convincing Hinba to spare him this story now seems to be Hiba trying to get Tom to accept and even enjoy his new role. 

I am very curious to see how hunger she actually is and how she will sate her hunger eventually.

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