Date: September 12 2023 4:41 AM Title: Chapter 9. Reunion.
Hey me again I wanted to offer some feedback for the story added with some ideas for future chapters and plot development for this incredible story you have.
Okay right off the bat I’ll just say the pure fetish and fan service chapter have been amazing the way you describe them has been amazing rather it is about Feet, Boobs, butts, and ect they all have been great. I’ll say it would be nice to get a chapter that focuses on odor and farts again like in “Lisa’s Victims” (which I hope we get a sequel or another like that again by the way) but that is just my personal favorite fetish type (Ordor - Burps/Farts, Butts, and tomboyish stuff) Regardless you've been doing great there.
If I had to rank what been your best fetish descriptions so far in the story not say you need to focus on this more than others but what has worked the most description-wise.
1 - Butt/Ass
2 - Feet
3 - Breast
4 - vore/mouth play
5 - Entrapment
Some fetishes I think would be fun additions to the story You don’t have to add them of course but just a suggestion or ideas to further Appeal to other fetishes
Okay Now that we got that out the way I’ll get to more story based feedback
Relationship - So far the relationship between Leon and Ana has been so good to borderline perfect the care, trust and love they have for each other has felt so natural and almost realistic excluding the part where there no giants in real life and people don’t get married Immediately when they first meet but still very good. Hell, I’ll even say Emily and John’s relationship has been good and they have barely been in the story lol. Overall this is by far my favorite part of the whole story.
Politics/Strategies - The explanation of the politics, laws, and how things are run in each country of been so good they feel so real and really flow with the story so far and you have shown the consequences of each choice and decision characters make so well and added well to the tension keeping me on edge. The battle strategies have also been a major highlight too they feel so well thought out.
Mortality/Moral conflicts - The way you describe how the wars and Battle are not black and white and that there is a grey area for all the conflict in the story have been by far the best aspect of this story. How Ana is forced to kill to show the strength of her leadership and what she will do to protect her kingdom and its people and how Leon thinks about what happens after the war is hopefully won and what will happen next has been very thought-provoking and super throughout.
The Main Antagonists/ Villains - I’m going to be honest the main threat of Marvialasia has been a lack of better terms alright. The motivations have been pretty good if I’m being honest I’m just not really feeling the threat that they're supposed to present. I understand Vascar was more of a miner threat or just a pawn in the Marvialasia’s plans so that’s okay but I just feel like we need more from Marvialasia. I also don’t feel like I understand what they plan to do to attack Ranate (was it a using a deadly curse on them?) If you haven’t explained the plan yet then that's fine I’ll wait If you did explain their plan in a chapter could you explain it or summarize it? Then I understand the Prince hasn’t been introduced yet as a character fully but he really needs to bring it as an antagonist. Also, why is he called the prince if he is the sole ruler of Marvialasia Should he be the king unless his father or mother, or both are still alive?
The Creators/animals/beast - This is more of Nitpick I feel like the craters haven’t been utilities that well I feel like they should have a present in a magical world. The dragons, Fairies, or other beasts that have yet to be introduced should have a presence kind like the dragons in How to Train Your Dragon or other fantasy-based movies or shows that show how Majestic, Beautiful, and mind-blowing/unbelievable the fantasy world and it’s creatures are. But again that is just a nitpick Honestly you don’t have to change that aspect of the story.
But that mine Good, Mix, and Bad for the story aspect I hope this feedback is helpful.
Here are some ideas/suggestions that could improve the story a bit help with certain aspects of the story and bring it up a level.
Ideas and Suggestions
1 - I think when you introduce the prince of Marvialasia it should show how truly cruel he is but also show he is smart, cunning, Manipulative, and unpredictable for our main characters to show that he is willing to win at any cost. Also maybe shows he is a great fighter and maybe loves combat testing his strength but shows rage knowing he could never defeat a giant single-handedly. Probably would be good to show he well knowledge and is a powerful mana/magic user as well.
2 - Another aspect you could do for the Prince shows his upbringing either he had a cruel father training him and abusing him and maybe his mother or he was always told he was a Disappointment by his no matter how hard he tried parents to show how his past shaped him to be this way and rule his kingdom with an iron fist or maybe his was born to be cruel and evil regardless of his childhood and past.
3 - Another cool idea you could do is that during his thirst for power and his intentions to destroy all of Ranate and its people he seeks Dark, unnatural, forbidden ways that no human or non-human has dared to seek. For example - for years he has tried to find more ways to crush the giantess of Ranate and finds ancient text that speaks of a Dark and demonic powers cable of granting the power and strength to spilled Mountains called (Dark magic or Dark Mana or something like that) that was sealed away. Although granted great power it also Corrupts the mind, soul, and body into demon-like monsters. He sees this as a way to bring victory not only to his kingdom but to mankind across the world and rule it like a god. Finding this power he merges with it and is able to control it making his eyes glow and his skin turn pure black with horns sticking out his head. He then gives this power to his strongest soldiers/generals and sends them to Ranate borders to test their newfound power. I think this or something similar would massively help bring the threat of the prince and Marvialasia to a whole new level and make the audience feel the threat truly.
4 - Another way to bring some more tension or more motivation for Leon to stop and end the war is maybe to show a former friend and/or lover for Leon before he meets Ana. She was a childhood friend who was kind to him and had feelings for him to the point where she wanted to marry him. Then she joins him and his former rebellion against Vascar Throne but on a mission that goes wrong, Leon believes she died sacrificing herself for him, and others living with him believe she died. When actually she was captured and sold off to Marvialasia and after weeks in a cage he was picked by the prince to be her sex slave becoming his favorite toy for months. When Leon gets words of this his anger and rage for the Prince increase making it personal and maybe causing some drama between Leon and Ana but not too much it ruins their marriage.
5 - Following the previous idea after Leon, Ana, Ranate, and other alliance armies defeat Marvialasia and the prince Leon is too late to save his former friend and lover from before he becomes king of Ranate but also find out why she was still alive with the prince. She had his child a baby boy and a future heir to the kingdom of Marvialasia by blood right. While she dies in Leon's arms she makes him promise to take care of her child and raise him to be a better man and person than his father. Leon agrees and promises to raise him as his own and she finally passes away. I think this would be an amazing twist that puts Leon in a tough situation of how to raise and learn to love a child of your worst enemy but also the child of her former lover and friend that also include Ana. It would also be a fun idea for a sequel or spin-off story in this world.
Just some ideas that don’t require a paragraph to explain and me just spitballing some ideas
1 - More Humans with unnatural or superhuman strength.
2 - Introduce Giant Hunter people who train and breed to hunt and kill Giants with no issues knowing their weaknesses and weak points and equipped with tools and weapons to kill them with ease. Kinda like Attack on Titan.
3 - Showing more of Leon in leadership roles showing he can lead both humans and nonhumans like Ana.
4 - I think It would be good for Leon to have a moment where he gives an Encouraging speech to his fellow humans of Vascar/ and former soldiers of Marvialasia showing he is good at Uniting people and giving them hope as a hidden skill or something like that.
5 - Have Leon form a fellowship of humans and no humans alike kind like lord of the Rings.
I hope this feedback and some of these ideas and suggestions were helpful and gave you some inspiration for future chapters and spin-offs set in this world of course. So thanks for reading and or responding and good luck for your future chapters and stories I know they’ll be great.
Thanks so much for the feedback!
I know I say it quite a bit every couple of chapters but really feedback helps a lot, and I do enjoy reading it. So just for taking the time to write a lengthy bit of feedback I have to thank you.
To start off with, the good. These 3 areas are roughly the parts Iíve focused on the most for this story. So Iím glad to hear youíve enjoyed them. Namely the politics. I will admit that I think I could have done the relationship a bit better still. However, the politics and moral conflicts were really the main appeal of this arc of the story.
Now for the mix. The antagonist figure. I actually think youíve given a generous rating of this as a ďin the mixedĒ category. I personally donít think Iíve done that much for them yet, and yes while there is room to expand on them, I didnít actually begin this story in mind with an extreme amount of detail planned surrounding the Prince. A lot of this comes from inexperience as a writer, I hadnít thought of ways to actually go about this. So, the reality is that the antagonist for this arc may really end up being lacklustre following the story plan Iím going off of. However, that being said, it has come to my attention that I should write more for the Prince and about their upbringing and how this all came to be on their side. They are however not technically the sole antagonist figure for the arc, as people that oppose Anaís rule such as Lisa for example can also be apart of this conflict. Iím hoping to expand on these aspects a bit, but I am aware that they may come across a bit lacklustre.
Now for the bad. Utilisation of the more fantasy elements of the story like magical beasts. The biggest reason Iíve avoided them here is really because they didnít fit in to the current narrative of the story. Or this current arc I should say. That isnít to say the story will definitely go way beyond this arc, but for the Marvialasian conflict I didnít see much place to add them in.
Some clarifications, the plans on how Marvialasia was planning to attack hasnít been properly revealed yet. The Prince is also a Prince rather than a king or queen simply due to how his principality style country works, where the person in charge is given the position of a prince or princess. Which is different to how Ranate operates at this point in the story where their highest position is Queen. You can roughy extrapolate the influence and power or a country with this, where emperor and empress mean well off country, and Prince and Princess can mean from a smaller or less established country.
As for the suggestions. I like the idea of point 1 and 2, but I donít think Leon is at the stage to be doing point 3,4 and 5 just yet. To expand on point 2, itíd have to be somehow related to magic and magecraft.
As for the praise surrounding the fetish content itself. Thanks a lot! I really like how the butt crush scenes turned out, personally though Iím not a fan of foot stuff so Iím glad people still enjoyed it. Iíve been working on another side story to try and appeal to other niches of the fetish too, though it isnít close to being done. Once again, I really appreciate the feedback. Sorry if i couldnít respond to everything, but I will definitely consider some of this stuff going into writing.
Date: August 27 2023 1:24 PM Title: Chapter 9. Reunion.
Hi, a new reader that just caught up to with this amazing story.
Honestly a really good chapter overall showing how Leon is still inexperienced how war isnt all black and white added with the question what life will look like after the war is won by either side preferably by ranate but his doubt about if th other giantesses will agree to sparing and treating the couqered lands and people kindly and build a better country and empire that treats all with equel rights and respect as people and not abuse them. It was really writing well on that aspect and how anglo was giving good and thought out points about the aftermath and results of war and its victor.
I’m really curiso in finding out who anglo really is later and what might his backstory be.
The reauion between Ana and Leon was very nice to see and how they relationship as husband and wife has grown and develop too avery caring and loving one that could lead a way to a better future for the the kingdom. Then when Ana gave her answer on hwat she plans to do with the people and lands of Marvialasia was a very interesting one that could beter help with changing the minds of many that were told to hate giants so very good job with detail of Ana’s plans.
The ending does leave me wondering on what will happen to Vascar now will the people surrander, will Ana give Leon another task to help the innocent people, or something else ? either way this was a great chapter even if it lacks the fetish marteial or content that most people would like to have but it was a start 10/10 chapter for me.
Thanks for the review! I appreciate the high praise.
I did show a lot of the start of this chapter with Anglo and Leon, and as you said the whole interaction does show that war isnít all black and white. Both sides of this conflict (both countries) have done really horrible things to one another, and it will take a new approach to amend such a relationship. Hence where Ana and Leon come into play. The inclusion of Anglo was someone who sided with Ranate but still was held up to an old perception of them, which I thought would shed light on an interesting perspective. His identity will probably come in later, but he is neither too important or a nobody. Simply someone to take note of.
Now as for how to deal with Vascar, Iíll probably leave it up to future me to wrap that plot point around. For what I can say about it right now is that Iíd like some of the consequences from the previous chapter to be addressed through Ana and Ranate capturing the king. But thatís it for now.
Once more, thanks for the review!
Date: July 22 2023 9:17 PM Title: Chapter 1- A Rushed Marriage.
Man I’m loving this series, can’t wait for more keep up the good work
Thanks for the review and kind words. Iíll try to upload more chapters when next I get a block of free time.
Date: January 25 2023 9:58 PM Title: Chapter 1- A Rushed Marriage.
A truly amazing story! I absolutely love the world building and the lore, and the use of Azgaar's fantasy map generator was a very nice addition. I personally use it for d&d worlds and it was really nice to have an actual world map to look at for the story.
The lore is intriguing and I really like how you don't start the story with a huge lore dump but instead you tell the lore throughout the story, giving bits and pieces here and there, while also showing it through the lens of Leon and giving us his reaction of learning about the history of Ranate.
I really enjoy Ana and Leon's personalities and how they interact, and how Leon decides to accept his mission to prove himself. The training with the throne was very entertaining, especially how Leon imagines how the Marvialasian soldiers would have felt in that position.
There is not a lot I can say that hasn't been said but I just want to say that I truly think the story is amazing and I'm looking forwards to reading about Leon's journey.
Thanks for the review! Really, it helps a lot to hear that some of what Iíve written was received well. Iím a bit slow on updates,in fact Iím currently writing chapter 7 but am overseas so itíll be while before I can publish it, but yeah, Thereís a lot planned for this story. The War with Marvialasia is the first arc, so thereíll probably be more to this world after it as well. Not to mention possibly more side stories too.
Iím glad to hear youíve liked what was Currently written, Iíd love to hear more feedback on upcoming chapters too. Once again, thanks for the feedback!
Date: November 23 2022 2:59 PM Title: Chapter 6. The Journey To Come.
The world building is awesome! Just more detail please on the journey through her when she swallowed him!
Thank you for the review.
Iíll try to add more detail where I can, but I think I might need some more elaboration on what specific aspects you would like me to go more in detail for. And Iím glad youíre liking the world building.
Date: November 15 2022 7:28 PM Title: Chapter 5. Mana, Magic and Magecraft.
It will be interesting to see how Leon uses his newfound abilities glad he's able to help his new wife in more ways than simple companionship! I really like stories where the tiny characters have some utility to the story. Anyways I'm curious as to what's waiting on his "solo" adventure.
I have some practical uses thought out already, itíll really just be a demonstration of how using magic principles in a fight or a survival setting is greatly beneficial. At the very least, thatís how next chapter will go. His solo adventure, will also allow some time for me to focus on other characters for a duration of less interesting things going on with his adventure. At least for some bits of a chapter.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Itís much appreciated!
Date: November 14 2022 11:14 AM Title: Chapter 5. Mana, Magic and Magecraft.
Pretty good story so far! Do you think there will eventually be scenes where Ana might have some sexy time with her tiny husband? I don't think they've properly "consummated" their marriage.
Thanks for review.
Ana and Leon will have their Ďsexy timeí eventually. Itís just kinda hard to focus on that right now. But I love writing fetish content with these two, so itís only a matter of time. Iím thinking of saving it for the night of their third wedding ceremony. But that might be going too long term lol.
Date: November 14 2022 7:47 AM Title: Chapter 1- A Rushed Marriage.
Wow, first off, I honestly can’t believe this story has existed for over half a year and just now do I discover this! I just wanna say how much I’m LOVING your story and this is simply 1 chapter in. Your creativity shows tenfold and I’m very intrigued to learn more about this world you created. The princess seems lovely can’t wait to further explore her relationship with him! Do you have discord by any chance? Would love to learn more about this world from you! I already got several questions haha.
Wow, thanks haha. You may not have seen or heard of it before due to my terrible upload schedule. Regardless. Thanks for the review.
I would say chapter 1 is a chapter Iím quite happy with, so Iím glad you enjoyed it too.
I do have discord, itís simply the same as my account name. If youíre on the giantess world discord server, you can find me there (same name as my account. Easiest way to contact me.) . Though youíll probably have to @ me for me to notice since I check sparsely. Iíd love to answer questions (but Iím still writing the story, so itíll probably be very general thoughts.). Though if youíre interested in more specific questions, I think can email you my discord stuff. Just let me know if youíre interested via from the discord server or another review.
Once more, thanks for the review.
Date: August 20 2022 3:52 PM Title: Chapter 3 - The Roundtable
Really loving this story! It feels like the beginning of a really good fantasy novel. The fetish content coming as a secondary to aid plot is probably the best course of action if it helps the plot keep being this good.
Really like writing the world building, and I just kinda felt that forcing in fetish stuff in this chapter wouldnít make sense. So I didnít. Instead itíll be there next chapter, along with other stuff that needs to be covered before we can start the next arc (or phase?). Chapter 1 is really an intro chapter, chapter 2 adds in the start of a plot line with some world building and chapter 3 is a continuation of that. Chapter 4 will moving things in to training Leon for the next phase. Which I hope to include some fetish and non fetish stuff.
Really glad to hear people are enjoying, and the praise of it being like a fantasy novel means a lot because Iím going for something along those lines.
Date: August 19 2022 11:07 PM Title: Chapter 3 - The Roundtable
Good to see Leon has decided to take some initiative, I always like to see the tiny character have a greater story role. We'll see how his "training" goes and if he has any particular aptitude that might make him uniquely useful to a kingdom of giants. Keep going, you're doing well so far!
Iíve always wanted to give him a more active role, my first ever story didnít have such a character moment and that was a worthy criticism of that narrative. So, since I want this story to be longer, I do want to give Leon more narrative purpose. And allow him to make some big decisions. This particular story is about him and his relationship, but mostly about him. Hence, I added in a training segment to my plan for the next chapter, being some fetish content mixed in with some other ways to measure his competence. At least thatís what Iím thinking the next chapter specifically will be . Although Iím still deciding on that exactly that specific aptitude will be for him, and how heíll be of specific use. I guess I have a small plan in my head, and will work around that.
Regardless of my rambling. Thanks for the review!
Date: June 29 2022 6:56 PM Title: Chapter 2. New Life.
Really liking where this story is going! I'm enjoying the added world building and character development. Although, I would like to see more development of Ana's character since she rarely says what is on her mind and has barely said much about herself to even her husband. Also I enjoy the few lewd moments sprinkled in here but I feel like they would benefit from being a bit more descriptive. Overall really liking this story!
Glad to see so many people liking the story so far. And Iíll try to add in more description where possible, though I am learning as Iím writing so Iíll definitely make some mistakes on what is or isnít enough description.
As for Anaís character, I wonít be showing too much about her till later. Right now I really want to define Leon, as he is the main protagonist. Hence, Iíve withdrawn from many specific moments about her. Instead, you can get a general understanding of her views, values and personality through her dialogue and her opinions on tinies and such. Chapter 3 does show a little bit more about her as she speaks more often there. However, her moments will come later. At least thatís my plan. Which may be subject to change.
Anyway, thanks for reading!
Date: June 27 2022 9:13 PM Title: Chapter 2. New Life.
I'm glad the story continues. As for the pace, I don't think it's too fast or too slow. I mean in two chapters you have told the relationship of the characters, the context in which they are, their past and you have introduced the beginning of a plot. All of that nuanced, as @Millia says with a touch of casual but generous and fun domination. So in my humble opinion it's fine. You even went out of your way to give us some world maps to better describe the universe and support it.
However, what seems a bit slow to me is the pace of publication, so much so that I thought that this story had already ended with the wedding of those two. Keep it up, you're doing great.
Sorry for the slow updates. Iím afraid they might continue at least for this year. I mostly write when I can find time to and sometimes itís a bit hard to get in the zone for lengthy chapter stories. More than that, itís how hard it can be formatting things correctly on this site. Which can be a massive time sink in itself.
Anyway. Thank you for the review. Glad to see I havenít raised any big pressing issues or concerns. I was wondering how people think the cruelty gauge on this story is currently sitting, and if whether people would be fine with me slightly increasing it. (Fighting foreign enemies and such would probably lead to that. Etc)
Date: June 27 2022 5:30 PM Title: Chapter 2. New Life.
This has all the stuff I like in these kinds of stories, the casual but loving domination thing is a lot of fun and I look forward to seeing how the couple's love life progresses. I do hope that Leon is able to find some way to contribute, beyond just providing comfort, I wonder what all the old King used to do? Administration? Tactics? Anyways I liked it, keep up the good work.
Thanks for the high praise. Means a lot!
The coupleís love life will progress steadily but will probably be a bit slow, with some updates to their dynamics here and there after big or main events.
Firstly I want to focus on our male lead. I want to give him a greater emphasis on his role. And possibly explore what it could be. This is a fantasy magic world, so the possibilities are almost endless.
As for your question on what old kings did, the last one (before our male lead) was especially remarkable. And I might focus on him a bit more through discussion later, but generally besides comfort and support they often were fighters or little spies. Rarely did they ever do anything beyond that, except in special cases like the last king.
I am wondering whether people are okay with me slightly increasing the cruelty of the story however. I do have plenty of implied cruel acts towards foreign enemies. But I wonder how much is how much. Hopefully I can nail it by next chapter.
Thanks again for the review.
Date: May 29 2022 3:34 PM Title: Chapter 1- A Rushed Marriage.
Please, don't accept anything lower than five-stars for this story! For a writer who claims to be a novice, you did a text far better than many stories I've read which were written by experienced authors! Really, congrats for that!
I loved the way you built a totally new culture, giving us even a map so we can visually situate ourselves on the story, very gentle and also smart from your part, I must add. Also, you went so perfectly deep into details, without being boring, that you story even resembles some real-life cultures in some details. For example, Chinese women usually marries dressing red. Your story showed a different reason they use red but being able to relate to similar traits in real life makes your story palpable, realistic.
Even the plot holes aren't really plot holes. I can give examples. One of them is that one could say that, for a ban which exists for only five years, the people seems too used to that, as if it were actually way older. But we must remember, they're in a kingdom, who disobeys will probably suffer capital punishment, so no one dares to disobey lol.
Another thing is how the dresses are red because of the risk of the tiny being squished under the woman's butt. One could say that this doesn't fit because the magic should just work, but as we see in your story, Ana tests the magic first. So it's believable that sometimes the magic just fails, thus the need of using red in the dresses.
The pace you used in your story is just perfect, I'd never change it. Ok, to talk about pace is risky because it's a matter of opinion, but for me it was just in place. You focused precisely on the main happenings, giving us readers increasingly glimpses of what was to come. And the world built for this story is superb. your story ended up being the first chapter, the introductory portion, of tons of possible stories, all of them very likely to be very very enjoyable!
I'd like to write more but DiveDiveburner already said most of what I was going to say, so I guess he also saw what I saw! (I only disagree with his opinion about the pace, as I like it and found it to be just perfect - all the rest, I fully agree with him! It's like he did read my mind lol.)Still, congrats, and I'm waiting to read more from you!
Wow, thanks for the very detailed review. As well as all the praise.
Iím a bit obsessed with world building I guess, Iíd love to be able to write good or attractive characters but itís still something I still need to work on. But overall I am still proud of this chapter at least. 11k words on a single chapter is my highest yet, and even then as others pointed out, I still was a little unbalanced on pacing. (Although I guess itís a subjective thing as you found that aspect alright.)
I really want to expand more on this world, but first I want to finish my first story. (After all, itís a bad feeling when a story is left unfinished.) After that Iíll probably start shifting attention towards possible routes I could take this one. Maybe focus on a new country or have these characters explore a new one. Or maybe I could focus on a different character from this story in an older time period. (E.g Miranda back during a more crueler era) or something. Guess at the very least Iíve got plenty of ideas.
Again, thank you very much on your review. It means a lot! I hope you review more of my works if they ever pique your interest!
Date: May 28 2022 5:57 PM Title: Chapter 1- A Rushed Marriage.
Really enjoyed the first chapter interesting world building premise hopefully the next weddings get more and more interesting
You’re starting to become my favourite author on this site as I can’t get enough of the dominant but gentle tropes which you seem to get just right. My only hope is your other story doesn’t get neglected in favour of this one ;)
World building and fantasy are some of my favourite stuff Besides good characters! Which is something I canít quite nail yetÖ
Iíll do my best to improve in that aspect. Though I will say not every giantess I write will have this passive domineering personality. Itís just my own preference. (Guess I can write what I want for my ideal giantess, but struggle to write a good tiny character.)
Now, Iíve structured this story for me to have more fresh ideas enter compared to the other one, so it may end up as a whole series with multiple stories or chapters about its world. Though at the same time, writing 11k words isnít easy by any means. So Iíll probably stick to finishing the other story up first haha.
If a new chapter does come out for this story soon, it probably wonít be on the weddings themselves (thatís more later stuff.)
Date: May 28 2022 3:29 PM Title: Chapter 1- A Rushed Marriage.
This was a chronicle, and I finished that doorstopper chapter in 10 minutes, I believe.
The "society of giantesses who need tiny men to reproduce" was a concept I haven't really seen, despite the nature of this site. I've thought about it for awhile, but never put it to paper. You took the initiative and fleshed it out rather nicely. I rather like how you exposit the various traditions and culture of the giantess society, carried out through conversation, or even through action. It tends to come across more naturally, and in my opinion, allows the reader to more actively recall them.
It appears the kingdom of Ranate was not such a pleasant place a few years before, and it was specifically due to Ana, that relationships between giantess and man became more benevolent. You've done a good job of establishing that these not so gentle traditions, or attitudes at least, are carrying on in some form.
Leon so far, appears to be a reactive protagonist. We've got a good handle on his backstory, but he seems to be "along for the ride" at this point. As the story picks up, I'd like to see him make active decisions, that at least change his own situation.
Ana appears to be pretty fun and playful. I know you've withheld exactly how and why she purged the more cruel practices of Renate. It appears it was well-received, in the most part. I'm interested in getting the backstory on that.
As for the writing, you've refined your craft from the previous story. There were segments I thought were incredibly rushed, but not too many. For example, the journey Miranda takes carrying Leon to the castle I think could have been fleshed out more. But, overall, the improvement in your writing is significant. Since this isn't a one-shot (at least, that's the implication), I'll rate when more chapters come out.
Iím glad people are picking up on the smaller details Iím adding in (Ranate is a nicer place due to Ana etc).
As for my writing itself, thank you very much for the high praise. Although as youíve said, pacing wise I could do better. I did somewhat realise I rushed the beginning segment to get the actual relationship part.
Now, for where I want to take this story. Perhaps Iím just a bit foolishly, overly ambitious but I kinda want to really utilise the world in its maximum affect. Adding in new characters from new locations and exploring new locations.
As you said, this is basically a door stopper chapter. It introduces us this world, and two very significant characters. (Though I mentioned other ones too. E.g Miranda, Beth) as well as significant details about them, and things theyíve done in the past. To expand on this, I wanted to add more chapters (or hell new entire stories set in the same world) to really flesh out the concept. (For example, I rushed the part with Miranda as I thought I could flesh her out at a different point/story.)
An example is a new chapter or a new story idea is to explore a theocratic country. (Perhaps someone from Ranate invades there. Perhaps itís a new character. Perhaps the ruler is a giantess? Etc)
Yeah, I realise it sounds a bit too ambitious. But itís exciting enough for me to want to write that.
For the point about Leon as a character, Iíve realised I struggle with the characterisation of how to make the tiny interesting. But, everyone loves a bit of character development. So weíll see where that takes us.
Again, thanks for the review. I hope you continue to follow along if more updates are to come!