Date: April 21 2022 1:56 AM Title: Chapter 1
For your first story it is quite good.
The plot is interesting and moves along at a pace that keeps the reader intrigued.
You do not use a lot of unnecessary or multisyllabic words (yeah, a bit of irony there) that either confuse the reader or cause them pause to look up the definition. That's nice. Ernest Hemingway, one of America's greatest writers is known for using words in his stories with an average of four letters; very "Dick and Jane" style (e.g. "Jane threw the ball. See Dick run.").
This ease of reading can add more to the pleasure of your intended audience than the story plot itself. Did you ever read "Jaws"? Peter Benchley uses so many big words you forget you are reading a story about corrupt township officials renting out summer rentals and being exposed for doing so by rouge shark attacks. Yeah, the book differs from the movie.
One suggestion I have, which I myself seldom follow after a few to many drinks, proofread your work before posting. Honestly, after you finish writing a chapter, set it aside for a day, then come back and read it. You will better see any grammatical errors as well as any plot mistakes. Make use of spell and grammar check, it's both easy and fast.
You made some grammatical errors that a simple check would have pointed out to you. Still nothing that takes away from your overall story.
My biggest suggestion, just keep writing, and above all write for yourself and your own enjoyment. You will never please everybody, so please yourself and your audience will find its way to you.