Date: April 01 2021 8:55 PM Title: Crisis Response, Part 1
Also, I can't understate how aweome Elizabeth was in this chapter, I wish I had a woman like her in my life.
Date: April 01 2021 8:54 PM Title: Crisis Response, Part 1
I forgot to mention in my last comment that Allie probably would need therapy too, she herself was in a shitty relationship and then became a murderer for 6 monthes..That's a fucked up sentence even for me to type, Jesus..
Also, I forgot to mention my concern for either of them having STI's or STD's from getting raped, (if indeed Allie was raped, I know you haven't gone into her past that deeply yet). Being raped, especially in prison would make me want to check Brian for any sexually transmittable illnesses.
[Report This]Date: March 29 2021 2:47 AM Title: Crisis Response, Part 1
This chapter gave me mixed feelings. On one hand, Allie got rightfully scolded and now she can finally start working on moving past the fallout of her past relationship. On the other hand, Brian has amnesia and has to work through it. If I'm being honest, prolonged amnesia in story telling is one of my petpeeves it has never worked for me (I often find it frustrating, and it personally makes reading feel like a slog). The amnesia arc in this story isn't too bad so far, but I just hope that it doesn't drag on for much longer (or derail the plot). I know that its personal preference but I hope it gets better because I hold this story in fairly high esteem. As always, godspeed.
Author's Response:
I totally get where you're coming from about the amnesia, and I actually feel somewhat similarly. That's why I never intended for this to be an entire arc, more so a story event. I actualy intended Brian's amnesia run to last only one chapter, but then it got too long and I had to split it up a bit. So, hopefully it doesn't across as prolonged, and I really hope it doesn't detract from the story. I'm truly honored to hear that you hold this story in high esteem, so I certainly don't want to let you down. I hope you'll enjoy what happens next, and let me know what you think!
-Pluto
Date: March 28 2021 12:46 PM Title: Crisis Response, Part 1
Hurray, I get to double down on why he doesn't have to reconcile with his mother and now I'm sad. She was already a mean and neglectful parent before Brian's framing, I think there might've been a "you remind me of him" hostility towards his for looking like the father that abandoned them. The vindictive part of me wants his reunion to go like this "Hi, I'll make this quick. This is going to be our 2nd last reunion mom. The last will be at your funeral. Don't bother contacting me, I won't get back with you." You could put a final nail in the coffin on Brian closing his heart to his mother by having Brian and the girls learn his mom got paid to be in a criminal documentary, and have her complain in her interview about Brian and say what a wierd and disturbed kid he was since the productiuon company would love to profit on the public's rabid interest in the case. Jenn of course could refuse to be in it or her interview about what a loving and compassionate brother he was could be cut out or have snarky commentary over it "On the outside, a loving brother. But there was something dark in Brian Bentley. Something twisted".
And speaking of Jen: "I promise, Jen". (Squuee) https://imgur.com/gallery/kHPxj2F
You have promised us an adorable and heartfelt reunion with his sister, who may have been the only person 100% convinced this entire time her brother was innocnet all along. I wonder if Jen still led a semi normal life after her brother's public trial. If she didn't have her identity protected she probably endured a lot of bullying and social ostracizing, especially if she argued with her taunters by saying Brian was innocent. I'm worried if she might've developed a tough shell from society and her own mother telling her brother, the closest and most loving person to her, was an evil monster. It would be sad to see their first reunion end with Jen glaring at him and blaming him for her life turning to hell before getting up and leaving. I'm curious to see where in the story Brian will be reunited with Jen. During Elizabeth's campaign to revisit the Bentley case? After he's been cleared innocent and revealed to the public but still small, or after he's fully restored? I can see Brian saying he doesn't want to see her before he's restored because he doesn't want her to see him so small and vulnerable.
Finally, is Brian's current amnesia state going to warrant him leaving Allison to be in Elizabeth's care for the time being? Even if Allison still wants to be with him and keep him there, if Elizabeth carries him out to see Allison again and he freaks out, I think Elizabeth will firmly request he stays with her. It would be an interesting "plot thickens" point if the night or day after Brian leaves for Elizabeth's place, Allison get visited by police and strange higher ups who claim to be acting on a tip on an ex Chevalier breaking SPAR protocols and smuggling out a condemned inmate.
Author's Response:
Yeah, Brian has very little motivation to reconcile with his mother. It's not like he's exactly missing their interactions prior to the conviction, after all. Fair to say that they'll reunite at some point, though, so I hope you find it interesting! There are definitely a few ways it could go. I also think that the criminal documentary is a really interesting idea! I'll have to give that some thought, so thanks!
I hope Brian's reunion with Jen lives up to your expectations! Unlike with his mother, Brian obviously has a strong motivation to see her again. As for when it will happen, though, time will tell. If you remember from chapter 12 of the first story, in the flashback between Brian and his mother in the prison, she mentions that Jen was being bullied due to the trial, and that they were both getting death threats. So she was definitely targeted, and that combined with losing her brother undoubtedly had a huge effect on her development from there.
Brian's living arrangements moving forward will be a focus very soon, so I hope you'll enjoy what happens. Elizabeth certainly won't sit still in regards to letting things continue as they have been. Thanks for reading!
-Pluto
[Report This]Date: March 28 2021 12:34 PM Title: Crisis Response, Part 1
It may have sucked to right, but I couldn't turn away. Fantastic chapter and anxiously awaiting part 2. Oh and hope midterms turned out okay :)
Author's Response:
I'm glad you found the chapter compelling! Yeah, I guess I just don't like writing conflict between the main characters. Like with the argument in the first story. But, sometimes it has to happen.
Midterms were fine, thanks! Lots and lots of essays. Ironically, essays are a lot easier for me to write these days. 2000 word essays don't seem nearly as intimidating when I've written over 100,000 words in the last few months! Thanks again for your continued reviews.
-Pluto
Date: March 27 2021 11:18 PM Title: Crisis Response, Part 1
Honestly? I love Allison but that scolding was JUST what the doctor ordered. I really hope the terrible decision isn't something stupid that will serve as the start of *gasps* FILLER CHAPTERS!!11! But regardless, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next
GOD I loved that all of us complaining about how stupid Allison behaves during intimate times got vindicated. Maybe now she'll understand her relationship dynamics a bit better, and might even want to get Brian back to normal. After, all, *as I like to say* A person should only be submissive towards someone, if they're willing to be submissive towards them. Therefore, Allie should think about letting Brian be the one in charge every now and then, regardless of their size differences.
As always, great work!
Let's see what you have planned for later...
P.S. This chapter got you semi-invited to my community party because of the scolding Allie received. It's like you said, actions have consequences.
Author's Response:
I'm glad you felt like the scolding was appropriate, and that it vindicated your prior concerns! The plan was always for Allison's behavior to come across as problematic, so the concerns were all well deserved.
I have to admit, I'm not quite sure what would qualify as a filler chapter for you (especially since I'm not trying to meet a certain number of chapters or anything), so I just hope you enjoy the direction I have planned!
Thank you very much for reading, and your continued reviews! I really appreciate them. And I'm glad to hear about the semi-invite! I'll be sure to aim for the full one.
-Pluto