I really like this concept. The contrast of a cruel and gentle scenario is neat. The mechanism of this story where digestion is optional, is a fun mechanic to play around with.

I think something that would be your writing is slowing down when you get to the action. Take a bit of time getting there and then build out the scenario. You and I both seem bent towards digestion, watersports, and odour. When you get to that point, give the audience some more description of what's going on - the smell, the sight, the feeling. Take your time there, paint a picture. 

Your concept is neat and what I'm saying is that I'd like to see more of it. Keep up the good work!