Date: July 21 2019 11:48 PM Title: Chapter 6
Great story so far! Can't wait to see the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks man! I’m a big fan of your work so really appreciate that.
[Report This]Date: July 21 2019 6:08 AM Title: Chapter 6
My first reaction was "I know that sentence, it's.... (some time passes)... Step mom32.jpg!" - not exactly, but almost :D
It seems that I missed something - that "Dusk had just begun to set in" from chapter 4.
So, he doesn't know how many days the training will last, he doesn't know how many hours/day he's going to help her, AND as it's almost time to sleep they didn't discuss sleeping arrangements so she will have to come up with something...
Imho she should also punish him for not inquiring about any of those things - if he's so careless when it comes to such basic questions, how can he be trusted to give her detailed, useful information?
[Report This]Date: July 18 2019 7:48 AM Title: Chapter 5
Typo time!
- obediance
- the size of a building face
- nose rand down
- airs (hairs)
- what is head (ahead)
- show (shoe)
and with that out of the way... omg I love her attitude!!! Good to see I'm not the only one :)
A bit weird to see she didn't tell him how big he is ("next we are trying 2x... maybe x/2"), I'll guess 1 inch until you see otherwise.
Good to see she didn't tell him how long it's going to be, or how many hours per day - will he find the courage to ask? does it depend on how useful he is? will competition with Sandra change her mind? So many goodies to think about!
Imho one of the things she should try is ask him to be annoying (bite, tickle, ...), to see at what size he's still big enough for her to notice he's being bad, but that's just random ramblings that come with that "I can't wait for more" feeling :D
Author's Response: Thanks man - I’ll try and get back to fix these typos. And I might include that suggestion of having him bite and tickle. I like it!
Date: July 18 2019 7:22 AM Title: Chapter 4
I'm not mentioning any typo in this chapter out of appreciation for how awesome she is.
I mean, even by how promising she looked, in this chapter she's better than I thought she could be! (too bad for the nylons).
Date: July 17 2019 6:20 PM Title: Chapter 1
This is AMAZING so far!!!
I knew if would be just from the summary!
Keep it up! Can’t wait to see where this goes!
Author's Response: Thank you. Lots planned so hopefully you continue to enjoy!
Date: July 17 2019 5:01 PM Title: Chapter 3
"ever read it's head"
show=>shoe
Damn good story so far!
[Report This]Date: July 17 2019 4:43 PM Title: Chapter 4
OMG Karen is awesome! The way she taunts and laughs at him is sublime.
Author's Response: Thank you! I have to admit, she is great to write!
Date: July 17 2019 4:38 PM Title: Chapter 2
NP, for most people finding typos means spending lots of time for very little reward, me I do it automatically if the story is worth it - with English being a foreign language many typos I see make me wonder if I've been wrong all the time, you know... also like I said pointing out these things is way easier than finding something meaningful to write other than "good chapter" (for me at least).
Anyway, here it goes...
- a few switches 1st <==> 3rd person
- No hold your horses ("now")
- I need to get caught up - honest ESL question, is it a typo? I would say "I need to catch up"
- It get it
I almost expected her to be glad he lost his job, saying they will have more time for training :D
Date: July 17 2019 2:45 PM Title: Chapter 1
I'm firmly in non-bare-feet team, so I guess I'll be a little bit biased in my judgement of the candidates :D
That being said:
- 'No', Ms. Tate went on ("now")
- Karen was again in away -- even the dictionary didn't help here, so I hope it's a typo! :)
- Karen new
- once that resembled
Please don't take it the wrong way: ESL also means paying more attention to grammar, especially because I'm never 100% sure if it's a mistake on the writer's part or something I've had wrong all my life (I recently found out it's "whether or not", not "wether or not"...).
Also, you can't polish a t*rd, and nitpicking like this is a lot easier than writing carefully thought out comments :D
The story looks seriously good for now - just out of curiosity, given your activity with collages, did you think of anyone in particular as a reference for the characters?
<exits stalking mode>
Author's Response: There will definitely be quite a bit of non-bare-feet coming up. And yeah, I know there are typos etc. Unfortunately, my writing time in private (which I need for this) is hugely limited, so I need to knock out as much of the story as I can, when I’m able. I try to pick up the mistakes as I go but I just don’t have the opportunity for a proper edit. Maybe when the story is done I can go back though and give it a polish.
Date: July 17 2019 2:33 PM Title: Chapter 1
Before even reading the story - I loved your stories from back when dinosaurs romaed the earth (my copies are from 2005, but I'm sure altered state etc are actually older), and your lots of feet pics is probably the collection of pics I've watched and rewatched the most.
Whatever convinced you to come back to writing it's great to see you back in business!
Author's Response: Haha, thanks. Yeah, the Altered State stuff will be a bit older than that... which might just mean I’m ancient :/ lol
[Report This]Date: July 17 2019 1:03 PM Title: Chapter 1
Hey man, love your stories! And this one is starting out awesome as well! Very well written, especially the dialougue imo.
Looking forward to more!
Author's Response: Thanks, hope you continue to enjoy!
[Report This]Date: July 17 2019 11:48 AM Title: Chapter 4
I am quite happy. This is an amazing start and I cannot wait for more! Excellent foundation laid, sir!
Author's Response: Thank you, really appreciate that.