Date: October 06 2007 3:10 PM Title: MRS BLOOM
Although the all caps turned me off, the indentations are good. keep with that. just slow down. develop. We are not player haters, so keep our advice.
Zalrus9
Date: October 06 2007 12:39 PM Title: MRS BLOOM
Listen U Jackasses this is my first average story cut me some slack and I know bout the caps but don't worry cus In the sequel I'll think about it more so screw haters !!!
Date: October 06 2007 12:32 PM Title: MRS BLOOM
For starters, you have it all in caps. DO NOT DO THIS FOR THE ENTIRE STORY IT IS NOT CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL! Second this story seems like a joke, are you really serious? Third, if you are serious, this story is an absolute mess, seems incredibly rushed and has like...no direction at all.
Date: October 06 2007 12:30 AM Title: MRS BLOOM
This isn't all that good. The all caps is very distracting, and the dialouge isn't believable. I'm sorry, but this is incredibly sub-par.
Date: October 05 2007 11:04 PM Title: MRS BLOOM
STOP SHOUTING AT US. It's not a good way to get your message across.
You have some ideas that might be good, if developed. Slow down and develop them. Also, commas are helpful to the reader.
Date: October 05 2007 5:34 PM Title: MRS BLOOM
Caps Lock is not your friend.