[Report This]Date: August 28 2018 1:52 PM Title: Flaunting power
So Shannon has a car. Proportionally it would be about 3 times her lenght, so about 18m ( 59ft) long. This basically means Shannon has more of a monster truck to simply drive over the plebs. I'm gonna use the roaring motor in an electric car as proof of that.
And Shannon is kinda right. She is, by their own standards, way above those highschool plebs. They should listen tot her when it comes to minors ;)
I hope Alejandro can recover his brokenness and he gets to bond with Shannon again, hopefully in the next chapters, so we can see what Shannon looks like on the bond plane.
Also, thank you for writing, its always nice to see a new chapter added to this story!
Date: August 26 2018 11:34 PM Title: Farewells
This story is honestly fantastic, I love the characterisation and narrative and the fetish stuff in equal measure.
Although one thing that stuck with me and I think would be cool to see more of is stuff like chapter 4, Shannon dominating people totally is incredibly hot. Maybe a side story exploring her more vicious side?
In any case your writing is fantastic and I hope to see more from you.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the kind review !
- Truth been told, I'm always afraid that my fetish part are uninteresting and too few while my normal story parts are too boring for peoples. Glad to hear that you like the two equally.
We may see Shannon utterly domination someone like in Chapter 4 once Alejandro and her will have eased in their Relationship. For starter, she wants to do that to Alejandro ! But other peoples may come in.
It's a teaser but... Remember how Waid's son and girlfriend are like Shannon in size (and the woman is just as well endowed) ? Well, the natural progression after a threesome is a foursome, right ?
A flashback story of Shannon wild years... I hadn't thought about it, yet why not ? But don't hold your breath just yet !
[Report This]Date: August 22 2018 3:39 PM Title: The Bond Plane
I'd say you got it right. I find it hard to critique anything so far. A very accurate interpretation. I like Hua-Ju's perspective on it too! The bond being something to be reclaimed from MAJORS who have in a way taken control of it. I doubt many MAJORS would say that though (not out loud anyway). Izzy probably wouldn't agree either. She's to grounded in reality and lacks the imagination to truly value bonding. I think this makes Hua-Ju pretty unique so far. Nice to see Alejandro making a real friend. I can't imagine how Shannon would possibly be threatened by a tiny, portly asian girl, but I'm sure she'll find a way.
Also it's kind sad to see Alejandro us still so damaged. Sad.
Author's Response:
Concerning Lindsey in the previous chapter : you can't really blame her, it's her parents fault ! How did they dare educate their MAJORS children to be kind and considerate toward their minor sibling !? Truly the works of terrible parents ! Now the poor girl is all twisted with morality and care for Minors and other nonsense, ;p
More seriously, Lindsey's kind of a tool when it comes to the usual MAJOR/minor relationship. But it makes her great to point the obvious problems or highlights the good things. In the same time, she is a MAJOR entering puberty, so she likes to fight, she's boisterous and, deep down, really unsure of herself.
Concerning Kris and his family : we will see more of them, well, Kris will talk more about them. But I felt that it wouldn't make sense for him to reveal everything just yet. Just like Shawna'll be more open about her past and her life at some point.
Now the actualchapter... I'm glad I didn't fucked up the bond here ! I'm also happy that you like Hua-Ju. I wanted to introduce a Minor with great ideas for her people but too shy/not engaged enough to become an ambassador. Of course, Alejandro is kind of alredy that but since he's fiancé to Shannon, he's almost forced to become an ambassador. Plus I thought Hua-Ju would make for a great foil of Izzy : where one is all about the bond and what it allows minors to do, the other is all about the real world and see the bond as something not so great. And I felt that 'Rando needed a Minor to truly learn the intricacies of the bond, so it's a bonus point but he got one of his kind as a friend in N.O. already, possibly Kris, and Samantha (who's like, the Super Alpha of the School, to be honest). He'll be pretty safe now !
As for how he still sees himself as damaged ? At the start of Dance with Fire or even in the 3-chapter Mac Ferlan Incident, he would have been far worse, believe me. In truth, he's already healed a lot, but he needs to make a final choice : either embrace his brokenness and make it something more beautiful than ever before (à la kintsugi) or forge ahead by fundamentaly rejecting this idea. And he's not ready yet to choose either.
[Report This]Date: August 19 2018 2:08 PM Title: Kris and Vanessa
Ah, recognizing that it is not nice to hijack someone's dreams for personal gain. Lindsey is basically becoming half a minor, another reason I think she should simply rule.
But on the other hand... Kris and Vanessa are such a cute couple and Kris finally has some family he can rely on.
Well, at least thanks for writing, I liked the chapter!
Author's Response:
Well Lindsey has a rather uncommon background for a MAJOR after all, so she's kind of in a minority (eh) here. But as you pointed out, Kris and Vanessa seems made for each other, somehow, at least physically ! What does the future has for them... Decision, decision...
As always, thanks for the review !
[Report This]Date: August 18 2018 5:32 AM Title: Kris and Vanessa
Lindsey, Lindsey, Litlle Lindy Lindsey. "tsk, tsk" *shakes head*
How are you even surprised. Most MAJORS think like Vanessa. I dare say she's not really even doing anything wrong here at least from a MAJOR'S perspective. Getting upset won't change it. I mean you had to see this coming. MAJORS see minors as property, or at best children to be coddled or ignored. Vanessa's scheme if you can even call it that is more like starter level MAJOR/minor dating. Of course Kris is a means to an end. Of course she'd want to use him to springboard her career! What he wants really doesn't matter much! And hey if Kris comes to like her that's a nice bonus. You know how rare it is to find a minor partner?! Like 1 in 6700! Don't be stepping on a girls courting plans. Snitching to Shannon! Just deck ker once and move on! Vanessa's done nothing wrong. She's just strategically placed herself in an advantageous position to capture a minor mate. Don't be jealous.
Kris has a much sadder backstory than I thought. It makes me wish it wasn't glossed over so fast. I wanna know what his original family was like. Since he was their coping mechanism how are they fairing without him? Back into drugs? Are more of them dead?! Do they get to see him, like monitored visitation? For some reason I imagine someone withdrawing and the first thing they do is search for Kris to hold him and calm the symptoms. That's kind of sweet and dark. Was he a lottery minor? Like Jackpot Johnson? If you don't remember what that is it's when poor families have lots of kids in hopes of having a minor for the sustantial monentary assistance provided by the government. I just think that'd be a nice element. Either way he's more deep than I originally thought. He went from a 5/10 to at least a 7/10 in this chapter.
Also it's rough to see Alejandro still feel so isolated at school. He needs real friends. Not just a bunch of thirsty MAJORS either. Sorry Lindsey but that doesn't mean you. You're doing great work but you're still his little sister!
[Report This]Date: August 16 2018 3:55 PM Title: Fifth Interlude
Ah yes, holiday's that are basically busier than working days, I recognize that. Well, at least we have another good chapter to read!
That comment about Shannon eradicating gators when one kills Alejandro is probably a very valid concern. These Gators should proably be added to the endangered species list just because they could possibly kill Alejandro, awakening Shannon's wrath. But she probably isn't as concerned about gators as Alejandro is, she can just sit on one and it will be defeated! Well, now I think about it, this counts for proably most things that end up under Shannon.
But nice to see Lindsey so excited for a change and Alejandro helping her to get the ceritficate. And of course nice that she can directly make use of her training and knock down Alejandro a peg. Oh and uhhm Izzy will probably love it ;)
Lindsey really deserved to have some fun for all the hard work she puts in to be the best self she can be.
Thank you for writing, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter! heh I should really go to sleep now.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review. It was cool to make a fun chapter with Lindsey, I'll do more in the future now that she has revealed her insecurities ! Plus it's funny to see her taunting Alejandro.
I hope you'll like the regular chapter out today :) !
[Report This]Date: July 31 2018 2:37 PM Title: Revelations and advices
Thanks for starting the new chapter with the actual point of the last chapters. And also congrats to France for the win (although I'm a bit late), my country didn't even make the world cup :( I hoped Belgium would win but oh well.
And yeah, Alejandro is right, these reactions from the MAJORS is sometimes very funny. Just like Shannon being somewhat intimidated by Izzy and seriously not even understanding that Izzy is terrified of Shannon.
And somehow its not really clear to me (I think its Shannon), who exactly moved the "Izzy squad" from a motel to the "Ferrand house," but the is clearly the superior option and Alejandro should know that!
Also, thanks for writing, adding a chapter to this story makes my day better!
Author's Response:
Thanks for your comment, and sorry for the delay and the absence of chapter, it turned out that my holidays weren't much better than the work days to write, quite the contrary...
Concerning the Izzy Squad moving out of the hotel, it can be either way, but I honestly find it hilarious to imagine a Shannon outraged and dejected that everyone think that she did it when she wouldn't have. I'm a dadist, I guess :p
And thanks again for your kind review, I'll try to put the next Interlude out this week, but can't make promises.
[Report This]Date: July 19 2018 1:28 PM Title: Standing up to the abyss
I'm starting to loose track, has Lindsey already said the only sentence she needs to say? The one where she tells Alejandro that people figured out He and Shannon are together?
Why doesn't she react on the fact that Alejandro doesn't care about this?
Also, Thanks for writing, its always good to see that there is an update of this story!
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review !
I may have forgotten to actually write the reveal of what Lindsey did in the drunken stupor which followed France's victory of the World Cup. But it's an event quite monumental, so I can't be blamed for it, right ? Plus, I spent like two weeks thinking about this chapter, so I may have ended thinking thgat I wrote it but didn't, sorry. It'll be dealt with in the next chapter, promise !
Date: June 23 2018 8:06 AM Title: A couple's workout
Excellent chapter, I didn't even realize I hit the end until your end of chapter note hit. Im glad the bonding works out for you story wise. I know in its own way, bonding can eliminate too much story if its abused. It's still beautiful
Author's Response:
Thanks for the compliment, I'm glad you liked it. COncerning the bonding, I wanted it to meaningful but also explained and somewhat mystical, so it was kind of hard to pull off, I hope I managed !
Date: June 22 2018 10:53 PM Title: Farewells
So...To capitulate, Shawna has been sexually abused by her aunt since she was a child, and she has horrible stockholm syndrome to a family that doesnt seen anything wrong in using her like a stress relief of some kind. She is an orphan and is scared of what could go wrong, and only wants a life of safety, where she can be sure she is safe, so she has idolized Majors, the beings that can give her the safety that she craves so much. Dear lord you did it again, I have pity for someone I hated. Also, what will she think when she knows that Alejandro is with Shannon?if he even is, since Shannon keeps pushing Izzy on him on one of those "if you leave something let it free" kind of thing. Which is nice but also dumb, since she can lose him. Not to mention I want Izzy with a girl. Like Lindsey.
Author's Response:
That's pretty much it, yup. Shawna won't bulge from her positions, she has reasons to feel as she does, after all, and most minors probably just want to be safe, either because they don't know better or experienced traumas where MAJORS were saviors. And to them, the "Righters" are potentially dangerous, because "their" MAJORS could grow distants and leave them alone. You'll see how she feels about Shannon and Alejandro when the matters will sprout in the story, don't worry. And in my mind, Shannon and Alejandro will end together, but it doesn't mean that him and Izzy can do good to themselves and those they care in the same time :p
[Report This]Date: June 10 2018 6:12 AM Title: Farewells
I'm back! I must say it's quite the nice surprise to see not 1 but 2 chapters of M/m:NL up as I lay bedridden from the hospital! It keeps me going! Also giving me 3 votes is too much power. I found the chapter on minors refreshing. A minor that actually likes the status quo. I never focused on it but that's a very common perspective. That Kris guy being called an SJW was pretty funny too. Being pro minor to the point of radicalism is an idea. I want to know more about his backgroungd. I don't think even Izzy is necessarily super pro minor rights.
Samantha surprised me. She has a very casual indifference to her. Doesn't care about minors or MAJORS. Is it because she's tier 3? Kinda seems to have a superiority complex going on.
As far as what you write next I'm very indecisive myself. I have a real itch to see what you do with Izzy bht I'd prefer you make that choice yourself so that it's organic. I also have more chapters I want to write but unfortunately won't be able to for quite some time. I'm excited for the next chapter either way!
Author's Response:
Glad that my writng helped you in the hospital! Get well, man (or woman, I don't know !:p)
Don't worry about Kris, we'll learn more about his background. He isn't that radical however, but they are kind of harsh and explain that despite having a rather small goal, he just want to have Minor teams for soccer, even mixed teams, really. But he's sensitive and tends to overreact.
Sammy is kind of an arrogant ass in her way, right? It's definitively partly because of her Tier level, but also because of what happened to her father, and we'll learn more about her past and how it shaped her. And how her fist will shape some cretins bthering her new bestfriend :p
Date: June 04 2018 3:21 PM Title: Farewells
Looking at it from that point of view I guess is understandable, but Shawna is still quite rude at how she ignores Alejandro´s trauma and experiences. As for Samantha, there is always Lindsay ;)
P.S:Oh no, I didnt mean by voice xD I like to rp writing, not by voice. Is pretty much like writing a story with another person, and I use discord, whatsapp and any other IM services I can get an app on my tablet to make it easier. And if anyone is reading out there and want to add me feel free to do so.
Author's Response:
Don't worry, we'll see some info from Shawna PoV during the next Interlude. I don't want peoples to root for her, obviously, but at least she'll become undestandable, I think. And More than Sammy, there is jenny for Lindsey, just saying :p
Concerning the rp, my GF would probably kill me if I tried, she already let me write the story and that's great :p
Date: June 01 2018 5:32 PM Title: Farewells
Samantha is a girl after my own hearth. Seriously, she is becoming quickly one of my favorites along with Lindsay, and is a shame that she surely wont end up with Alejandro, not that he needs any more suitors; they would be quite the charismatic pair. In any case, team Samantha ftw! Also fuck Shawna and her cousin. Seriously, fuck them, specially Shawna. This chapter made my day, I absolutely love reading this story every week!
If you want to rp on this universe, please add me on discord! Im Naoru #8749 I promise, it will be really fun!
Author's Response:
Thanks ! I'm not in rp, especially audio, sadly, more of a writer really :p
I'm glad that you're liking Samantha. I won't lie, at first she was meant to be a love interest with whom Alejandro would more of less feel very attracted and finally chooses Shannon. But now with the sexual tension with Izzy, I felt it would be one suitor too many, so I had to find something new for her, and being 'Rando's best friend seemed right. I'm glad you're liking it. This chapter was really hard to write, I had fiished it and then scrapped two third of it because I didn't like at all the vibe it had ended having.
Helena is kind of a typical MAJOR, quite oblivious of the Minor's struggles around her, but she means well. Shawna is more that I felt the need to have some minors (and I'm trying to highlight the difference between a Minor like Alejandro and a minor like her, if you see what I mean) who are actually fond of the world as it is. And I mean, frankly, if you're lucky, what is there to hate for a minor ? You're basically allowed to spend your whole life worry-free ; no need for education, just find a MAJOR, no need for work, just find a MAJOR. Obviously, some probably falls by the wayside and I can't help but wonder how old minors are seen in this society, but overall, if all you want is a carefree life, the statu quo can be great for a minor. But we'll see more of Shawna's PoV in the next Interlude in three weeks.
Because I have other projetcs that I've left on the side for too long and this week I'll try to work on them, so no chapter next saturday nor sunday or before, folks !
Date: May 19 2018 2:30 PM Title: Derek and Joshua and advices
Alejandro, Alejandro, Alejandro. Tsk tsk tsk. You should no better. You're just candy to them now! What have you done.
While I applaud ihis courage I question his intelligence. He's made himself even more vulnerable now. I wonder if he can handle it?
Also feeling for Lindsey. I didn't expect her to face that much animosity for her career choice. It seems veyr sensible to me.
As for Naoru. Go ahead!
Author's Response:
Haha, sometimes even bright peoples may do some really stupid shit and, well, he is in a situation he has never known ! He is bound to make a lot of mistakes !
More importantly, I hope you're fine and that your surgery went well. Get back to full health and great days to you :)
[Report This]Date: May 16 2018 7:29 PM Title: Farewells
Im actually apalled that no one writes reviews for this, so I will apport my grain of sand, about how things are going in general.
Not going to lie, Lindsay was really annoying for me at first, with her sudden crush on Izzella that struck me as rather superficial and shallow, but now, I have grown rather fond of her. She is exploring herself, her body and mind, and so, and is on a really confusing age, but Im really rooting for her.
And Alejandro...he really likes making things harder for himself, isnt it?he didnt needed to say that he was unbounded in front of the whole school. In fact, he really doesnt need to hide Shannon, he just needs to say that he has a MAJOR girlfriend, and thats it, not even need to say her name. Or maybe he could just say her name and get everyone know he is the fiancee of the biggest girl around, and done, no more troubles for Rando!but of course he has to announce it and say things in the most vague way possible for people to interpret it as that he is single and free for the pick. I thought you were smart Alejandro...
And since Im writing this, I wanted to ask if anyone would like to rp on discord with me using Oc set on this universe, on discord, whatsapp, or even facebook messenger. I mean, if you and NotSirk dont mind. It would be all Oc, no characters from neither of your works. sorry for the shameless self promotion, and really looking forward to the next!
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review !
I'm glad that you're liking Lindsey, because she is kind of hard to write. I want her somewhere between an "enlightened" MAJOR and a more typical one, with Alejandro being her "good angel" so to speak, while Izzy turns out to be her "inner demon" by unleashing those very common behavioral patterns for MAJORS. Plus, she is at a hard time of her life, entering puberty and all, moving away from home. I hope Alejandro will notice that not everything his rosy for his sister.
Speaking of our titular Minor main character... he never knows when to quit. I mean, he did lose an arm and all because he was too stubborn to give in to what MAJORS expected of him, and it hasn't changed. Plus, he doesn't want to advertise his relationship with Shannon for the moment... plus he's probably thinking that if he is with Shannon, everyone and their mother will try to woo him away, just to be able to brag that they snatched something out of the Matthewson's purse, so to speak. MAJORS are dumb like that.
Concerning the rp, I don't mind at all, but you should try and get NotSirk seal of approval, since it is his universe, I'm just a helper, really !
[Report This]Date: May 13 2018 2:04 PM Title: Farewells
Sometimes I wish Lindsey actually was bigger and stronger so she could actually take on the entire school and beat them, but that would also be such a typical Major thing to do. Alejandro would probably be mad, but maybe also impressed if that hapenned.
Speaking about Alejandro, he luckily has a Lindsey to warn him about his impendig doom he brought upon himself with his speech. I'm looking forward to what mischief will happen in the next chapters already.
Also, thank you for writing!
Author's Response:
Alejandro wouldn't be very happy with a giant little sister destroying whole schools and all. Not that he wouldn't enjoy the show, of course. And he will have many peoples to warn him off of the pitfalls before him... if he is willing to listen to them. he is stubborn, after all !
Anyway, thanks for the review !
[Report This]Date: May 06 2018 7:32 AM Title: Third Interlude
I like it. I think you understand the characters very well. Especially the dynamic between Linda and Lisa. Linda does believe her daughter is a precious little angel and would never manipulate her. She might be purposefully ignorant to her daughter's manipulative nature. What really resonated with me is the idea that Linda sees Lisa's status a a halfsie as more of a detriment than a plus.That's good stuff.
My one criticism is that Lisa seems a little too knowledgable of Al and Shannon's relationship. Stuff like Shannon paying for Alejandro's schooling or that he has a sister I don't think Izzy would give her those details or even mention Shannon much at all. But that's just me. Shannon's pretty famous so it's not implausible for Lisa to know who she is. Izzy's definetly at least mentioned Alejandro to Lisa though so she is aware of the crush.
Very good work overall.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the praise, of Creator of MAJOR/minor !
I'm happy that I didn't pushed the characters too far, I wasn't sure about Linda being as oblivious of her daughter's mischievous and manipulative side, but I thought that you would correct me if I was wrong anyway, so no harm trying it :p . The halfsy's problem was a spur of the moment, something I thought MAJORS would feel bad for minors because it embolded them, being "half-MAJOR" and all, and for someone like Lindsey desperately trying to get more freedom in anyway she can, I felt it would be a can of worms for her parents.
Concerning Lisa's knowledge about Shannon and Alejandro, I can't help but imagine her pestering Izzy or taking advantage of our titular heroine's training to resist mental probed to actually learn more about it ! At least, it's my headcanon so far.
And many thanks for the review !
Date: May 04 2018 8:48 PM Title: Third Interlude
The Lindsey chapter was good, was nice seeing her meet new people. The chapter had quite a few grammatical errors and the ending felt a little weird but guess it showed what a Major goes through at that age.
The Bondange chapters I did not expect which was a good surprise. Liked seeing Shannon and Alejandro growing closer especially with Alejandro starting a Bond taking the lead was unexpected. Wonder if Fiona's attitude will change when meeting Izzy even falling for her like everyone that meets her.
The Linda chapter was good showing more of how Majors tend to think of Minors which reinforce my own thoughs on that Majors feel like giant children. It felt like Lisa had quite a bit of power over Linda making her look like the adult. So to me Minors feel like adults while the Majors feel like bickering children if that makes any sense. Also wondering if Linda will make a pass at Izzy.
Keep up the good work.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review !
Sooner or later, i'll return to the old chapter to do the spell-checking and corrections they deserve;;; but not today, I'm too lazy for it !I'm glad that you liked the bondage chapters, they were kind of hard to pull off. For all the Izzy question, NotSirk will have to answer it someday, perhaps. I'm also glad that the Linda chapter came out well !
Once more, thanks for the review ! :)
[Report This]Date: April 22 2018 2:37 AM Title: Bondage time (part 2)
Just want to say once again you have a real talent for adding character development in your more sexual content. Something I have yet to master. Even though bondage isn't my thing these last few chapters have been very readable and I just can't miss the continued development of these two. They're getting so much closer, trusting each other enough to test their boundaries. Shannon struggling to contain her dominating urges. Good stuff. Sorry if I haven't reviewed much. I've been busy. Still reading every chapter and feeling bad for Lindsey.
Author's Response:
Thanks ! Quite frankly, I wanted those chapters to be mostly sexual content, and a lot more steamy, and somehow ended adding plot and character development... Who would have thought that writing sex-scenes as just sxe-scenes would be so hard ? Nobody told me ! I've been dupped ! And don't worry for not reviewing much, life can be kind of good at making oneself busy. And i'm glad you're still liking it. And don't worry about Lisa, it's just some set up built from what you implied she knew about the Mac Ferlan incident, back in the day (even if I still need to find the chapter where it was hinted !)
[Report This]Date: April 19 2018 1:01 PM Title: Bondage time (part 1)
Yeah, you might not care about the reviews, but sometimes I have a brilliant review in mind and then you post a new chapter which rams out the foundation from under it ;)
Guess thats what I get for being to lazy to post reviews.
And with that certain marriage set in stone, you mean the marriage between Lindsey and Sammy right?
But actually I have no real comments about this chapter, so I can only thank you and say that I look forward to the next chapter :D
Author's Response:
Sammy and Lindsey ? Yeah, sure, I mean, of course, but, hum... Kamoulox ?
Seriously, I hadn't even considered this option at all ! Now ? Who knows... In my head, Lindsey's more of a typical MAJOR than Alaric, so I can't see her ina stable relationship before a loooooong time. She may be heels over head in love with Izzy so far, but she'll be the most open sexually of the Ferrand children. I don't really have a long term partner for her. There will be some things with Jenny, then some random guys and gals, mostly.
In any case, thanks for the review, a pleasure to know that I can still surprise in a good way (hopefully) :p