[Report This]Date: January 20 2018 11:06 PM Title: Chapter 5
The twist was predictable, but it was well written enough that I can't really say anything. I still find it strange and sad how Les wants to be accepted by her sister, it's a form of abuse by her sister in my opinion. Elites have so much and I feel like Ky does have every right to be angry or sad or just feel that this whole system is unfair, but I don't think she'll be willing to lash out too much at Les anymore.
Author's Response:
There are some 'twists' I like to make predictable. I suppose that makes them non-twists. However, as a reader, there's a certain enjoyment I get from figuring out what will happen next and being right.
Obviously it's boring if it's consistently too easy to figure out. There's a balance. On rare moments, I might even get the balance right.
Interesting you mention abuse. Perhaps it is, and perhaps even Ky doesn't realize what she's doing.
Thanks for the thoughtful commentary.
[Report This]Date: January 20 2018 8:15 PM Title: Chapter 5
Intressting story setup with a special cancer causing super human abilities but i have to ask, do you plan to ever add sexual or even soft erotic no nude content to the story?
Even if not, its another sticky story in my bookmarks, curious how it continous.
Author's Response:
"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know."
- Ernest Hemingway
First and foremost, the story will remain story focused.
However, it might also become 'R-rated' (whatever that means), perhaps as soon as the next chapter.
I don't like to censor. If stuff happens, it happens.
Some readers may flee. Others won't. Either way, the story will be told.
[Report This]Date: January 20 2018 6:25 PM Title: Chapter 5
I'm going to go the other way with this and say Ky isn't trying to make Les her vassal. At least not intentionally, and I only say this because of chapter 3 where Ky insulted Les to provoke her into accepting the induced ascension. Now I can't read Ky's mind and I'm sure there are purely selfish aspects to this. She has to feed her own ego and grasp the relevence and recognition she hungers for afterall, but....and this is a big BUT, everything I've read so far leads me to believe Ky cares about her sister. Even when she thought she was going to become an elite she wanted Les as a vessel to boost her self confidence. (Because being a vassal is a good thing for some reason)...So hear me out.
Les has self confidence issues, becoming an elite won't change her personality (I think. I'm sure some jackass Lesser Titan has done studies in between making up these bullshit vassal laws, but I haven't read them.) so I think Ky realizes how dependent Les is some of which Ky is to blame for. Maybe this is Ky's way of easing Les into the leadership role she destined to have....while conveniently helping Ky save face and distract her from the crippling depression of not becoming what you wished you could be. That's my not at all factually substantiated, blind assumtion!
I don't think this is a tragedy. I think it's a blessing in diguise. Over time of course Les will literally and figuratively grown into her own, but right now? I think she still needs Ky to be in charge because she doesn't know how yet. If I'm wrong then this story's a lot darker than I thought it was. *Girl psychologically manipulates her sister into having extreme self esteem issues and becoming her slave* That's a rough story.
Good chapter!
Author's Response:
I too think Ky cares for her sister, perhaps more than she herself knows. However she's certainly far from perfect. Same with Les.
The Elite cancer will almost inevitably change their relationship, but that's the interesting part. I.e., how it changes and does it strengthen or tear down what really matters.
We'll see.
Date: January 20 2018 5:59 PM Title: Chapter 5
This seems to have taken a bit of a dangerous turn. Ky was finally starting to accept that she wasn’t going to be an elite, but suddenly she just flipped right back into being superior to Les. I fell this will eventually cause conflict. Once Les is trained and get used to her power, she’ll realize that she doesn’t need to or want to be subservient to her sister, and Ky will be let down hard all over again.
Author's Response:
It's certainly a danger! We'll have to see how it plays out, with each of their very different personalities.
[Report This]Date: January 20 2018 5:43 PM Title: Chapter 1
Im going to be the unpopular opinion in here it seems: I dont like Ky. Everyone is so happy because she is going to make a difference, she is still strong after not being an elite, blah blah. All I see is that Les has a terrible self steem, that she keeps seeing herself as inferior to her sister, and that even with the chance to finally be strong, the only way for her to find pride and a sense of worth is being inferior to her sister. Ky was all too happy with seeing her sister as inferior and reinforcing that role, and got all pissy when it didnt became truth, ruining her sister´s only chance at independence by dragging her still into being her inferior. So far is a tragedy to me, and even more because apparently everyone on the comment section keeps praising this abusive, demeaning girl for no reason. I love the story, going to keep reading, love the writing and so on but I really dislike Ky and I hope she gets some humility and for Les to truly shine without being anyone´s inferior
Author's Response:
Ky can be difficult to like, in turn making her POV less enjoyable for the reader. No one wants to be stuck in the head of an unlikable character.
At the same time, she's in a tricky situation. In some ways, her dreams have been crushed. Perhaps she's doubling down on her attitude as a subconscious defense mechanism. Perhaps not.
I don't like to postulate too much because it's difficult for me, as the author, to put my head in the space of a reader, and I don't want to reveal the thoughts/feelings she has that don't make it onto the written page.
Either way, thanks for providing a counter viewpoint.
Date: January 20 2018 3:11 PM Title: Chapter 5
This!! This is what I was referring to in my first comment! The turn of 180 degrees that returns the typical story of changing roles in a much bigger story with potential!
Ky since you introduced her and thought it was clear that Les was going to be the Elite I imagined that she would be the kind of character that would turn a bad situation into her ticket to success, and at the same time Les who seemed to be no more than the typical character that does not think for itself and changes completely with the power remains as the loving sister who only wants to support Ky (which makes me wonder if Les as grow as elite will continue to support them for the love they feel as sisters, for the vision and the future project that Ky seems to have or radically change?)
Once again I have the obligation to myself to ask you a couple of points that I have been clear:
Does the initial text mean that the vassal remains young or aging while the Elite does not?
Regarding the first question, does it mean that the age of a vassal can become much greater than that of a normal person while his Elite is still alive?
Does Ky plan on becoming a vassal of Les to win all those extra qualities or will his pride overcome the logic?
PS: Thanks for the support! I'm really not a very willing person so this is just what I needed to finally cheer up with my eraser!
Author's Response:
The Elite remains young. It's part of being Elite. A vassal is simply a human who obeys an Elite, sharing a stronger empathic bond. Looks like Ky is going to challenge the concept. We'll see if she succeeds.
As for a vassal having an extended lifespan, we haven't heard of anything in the story, yet, regarding this. So, it's hard to say.
As far as we know, becoming a vassal doesn't grant any extra qualities, aside from the stronger empathic connection.
[Report This]Date: January 20 2018 2:32 PM Title: Chapter 5
Ha, this is quite a role reversal. I think that's a great twist. I hope that personally it stays this way, where Ky becomes the 'Elite' and Les becomes a Titan (I'm assuming), its almost like a twisted Dom-Sub relationship, except the sub would be able to touch the clouds! Hope to see it progress this way and Les doesn't regress into simply making Ky her servant
Author's Response:
Thanks! Les doesn't seem to have the 'dom' gene, but ya never know. People do change. Hopefully their bond as sisters holds strong.
Date: January 19 2018 7:48 PM Title: Chapter 4
Elites just have it all don't they. Strength, speed, brains,size, they probably crap gold too! And what's this bullshit about not being able to refuse vassalship? (thanks for the suffix) Shut up, Lotus of the fifth Council! You really are a (lesser) titan. "Torment Breaker" more like NERD!
I am really curious about how Les feels about all this. Her greatest moment comes with the crushing of her sister's dreams. Will she even try to make Ky her vassal considering the whole no rights thing if Ky refuses! Even death! But if she doesn't it's been made clear that Ky's a catch apparently and at least one other elite wants her. That's a powder keg situation.
For now I hope she cuts Ky some slack. It's still raw and I'm genuinely surprised Ky hasn't lashed out more, but I think a confrontation is bound to happen. Especially as time passes and it becomes harder for Ky to maintain hope of becoming an elite. I hope this tension doesn't become a wedge between the sisters.
Author's Response:
HOW did you know they crap gold! It's almost as if you read ahead to the next chapter. :)
As for Ky, perhaps she hasn't lashed out as much because Les is...Les. Imagine lashing out at a kitten who randomly gains magical powers. Ok, perhaps not the best metaphor. ;)
Thanks for the insights, NotSirk.
Date: January 19 2018 6:22 PM Title: Chapter 4
Okay, this improves a lot XD
It really feels the tension between the two sisters and the introduction of the father has greatly improved the family dynamics now that Les is on his way to ascension.
I'm sure you can not answer it, but even then I would not be forgiven if I did not, so here I go.
Are the final attitude of Ky and the final words of the doctor as important to the plot as they feel? I'm glad you're updating so often and even then each episode leaves you wanting the next! Good job!!!
PS: This is more personal, but as you will have noticed in my 3 messages, although I have a good level of speaking and reading in English, my writing is not as good and I depend on Google translator in part to express myself correctly. Do you think that with this level of English I could write a story here or should I just leave it? Between your Link and Johnrusy you have made me take up a draft that had been set aside for some time and I do not know if people would take very well a story with parts written with translate ...
Author's Response:
Many things in this chapter are important to the plot, however change is always possible, especially in POV characters.
As for a story, go for it! Some folks prefer well-formed prose, but most read for the story itself. The story and characters are 95%, grammar perhaps 5%, at least in my mind. In fact, sometimes I find foreign writers refreshing as they don't use the same cliches/euphamisms as native English speakers, instead injecting new and welcome ways of phrasing.
[Report This]Date: January 19 2018 9:03 AM Title: Chapter 3
Made me sad to see the sisters fighting... as much as Ky was arrogant and proud she didn't hated her sister...
Maybe just my imagination, could be Ky (in her own proud and extremely rude way) trying to force her younger sis to not let go of something so amazing that will change her life. But of course, someone like Ky would never ever outright express her feelings. Too embarrassing, too humiliating.
Guess she will have to endure the sibling rivalry of an Elite overshadowing her until she apologize for saying Les wasn't pretty! You don't tell a little girl she isn't pretty...
Author's Response:
True. The 'not pretty' comment stung Les quite badly at the time.
Let's hope they're able to patch things up.
Date: January 19 2018 9:00 AM Title: Chapter 3
Ha, as soon as I read Ky's reaction I thought "NotSirk is going to love this girl".
Great chapter, and I love Les' genuine resistance to elevating.
Author's Response:
Thanks, realIRS.
We'll have another Les POV chapter soon, so we can see if she maintains that resistance.
[Report This]Date: January 19 2018 12:17 AM Title: Chapter 3
Wow.....Kyliegh Watts is a legend! She handled that situation way better than a heartbroken child should. I tend to read too much into things, but that felt like she was doing the right thing for her sister and family even though it hurt Les in the short term. Maybe when Les ascends she'll figure out what actually happened here.
That being said. Being an elite's not everything is this world. It's overhyped! Bunch of hyper intelligent, probably attractive, tall, vaguely godlike (except when they're actually godlike) beings, with the ability to make you a "vassal" (whatever that is....probably just a glorified secretary), or manipulate your mind, and have a virtually unlimited amount of authority and autonomy even over their own parents......eh *apathetic shrug* Sound like a bunch of chumps if you ask me. Humans are way more interesting. I mean it sounds like elites are basically plant people. You really wanna be part plant, Ky? Like a weird broccoli-girl? That's dumb...elites are dumb. "Elites are dumb"- NotSirk 2018 you can quote that at the beginning of the next chapter. So stay strong Ky! You are already an elite! Les still has a long way to go before she can even dream of catching up! Even if she grows to 200ft tall and can shoot lightning from her eyes (which I heard from a very credible source that elites can do) that won't mean a damn thing to Kyliegh Watts! Haha!
...Oh and great chapter.
Author's Response:
You'd be a great therapist for Ky...just the words she needs to hear right now.
Now that I think about it, she does remind me of some of your protags.
Thanks for the interesting remarks.
Date: January 18 2018 10:22 PM Title: Chapter 3
I sense a change in the dynamics. Ky better be nice or she'll be under Les' thumb, literally and figuratively. I hope Les can be smart enough to treat her sister well , better than what Ky would have done anyway.
Author's Response:
Les seems the nicer of the two, but she's only human.
Or, she was only human. :)
[Report This]Date: January 18 2018 9:05 PM Title: Chapter 3
Holy cow sir, this might be one of my new favorite stories. With how awesome the buildup was to the reveal (And not unexpected) growth spurt that Lesly will recieve, I can't wait to see how you follow it up from here! I'm almost sure she'll grow to be a titan, but this story is fantastic, and I love the worldbuilding you're achieving. You give me ideas for how to treat my own characters! Given the sibling relationship they have, I happen to enjoy the idea of the rivalry!
Author's Response:
Sometimes I like to include elements that are predictable. But there will also be surprises and twists.
I'm glad the story gives you ideas. Reading is important fuel to author imagination! I partly decided on sister-sister relationship in my story instead of sister-brother after reading yours.
Date: January 18 2018 9:02 PM Title: Chapter 1
P.S. I registered after a lot of year because your story and Puberty have caught my attention as no other story had done on this page, so thank you very much for such good material and keep writing a lot!
Author's Response:
Welcome to the site, and thanks for your comments!
Date: January 18 2018 9:00 PM Title: Chapter 1
I am really enjoying this beginning of the story, but feeling it too much if the development is Ky staying normal and Rising up and beating your sister I think it would be too typical and expected. I hope with all my heart that you have some hidden turn as both rise and compete in it or something like that to give your story that something unique and special.
Good introduction and I hope you keep the level because this could be a great story!
Author's Response:
I've written a few chapters ahead. Some comments make good guesses, but there are definitely some surprises too. :)
Date: January 17 2018 11:56 PM Title: Chapter 1
Great world, great characters, great writing. I am in.
Author's Response:
Welcome to the world of the Elite. :)
Date: January 17 2018 7:30 PM Title: Chapter 2
These first two chapters have had great characterization for the girls. Moments like Ky assuming her future Elite status had protected her from Paisley or Les overthinking a trip to the bathroom really cement thier personalities more than just saying "Ky's charismatic and overconfident" or "Les is shy and neurotic" I like them both for different reasons. I kind of want them both to be elites even though that won't happen.
That being said: I'm guessing Les like everyone else, just because that's the most interesting outcome. It'll be fun to see if her personality changes considering her natural submissiveness and the fact she's been groomed for vassal(ship).....(hood)...(dom)?...Guessing suffixes aside, will she even be able to handle elite status? Does she even know how? And watching Ky struggle with the heartbreak of her crushed dream, she sassed her mom in the first chapter! Oh that would be the right kind of painful. Will she start to resent Les or help coach her in how an elite should act? So many possibilities! I can even imagine Les trying to be Ky's vassal anyway. That would be hilarious! So yeah that's my guess. I'd even wager Les has already shown some elite ability. How was Ky protected from Paisley's mind whatever? Why did Paisley seem more intimidated when Les interfered? What was Paisley doing in the bathroom?! Was it..............DRUGS?!?!
Enough bad jokes, and nonsense speculation. Good chapter.
Author's Response:
Lol, you made me laugh, NotSirk. I've written a few chapters ahead, and I must say...
Well, I can't give anything away. :)
Thank you for your insights!
Date: January 17 2018 5:36 AM Title: Chapter 1
I agree with NoStory, pretty sure the elite will be the younger sibling. Hell, she might even ascend naturally and become mega.
Author's Response:
I cannot say, but interesting to hear thoughts.
Date: January 16 2018 9:58 PM Title: Chapter 1
Why do I get the feeling the outgoing sister is not going to become the Elite?
Author's Response:
:)