[Report This]Date: December 21 2017 4:45 AM Title: Giving in to temptation
This time of year is really busy, which is the only reason I can think of for so few reviews for such a cool chapter.
Shannon seems to have, somewhat, learned her lesson. Yes, her desires are driving her forward, but she is controlling herself pretty well considering her nature. And honestly Alejandro does find her attractive, and does comport himself well in spite of his (surprising) desire to have Shannon in control. While I enjoy Alejandro when he’s struggling to be independent and defiant of society, I also want him to be happy. And really, the fact that he has control fantasies doesn’t devalue his principles. It might in his mind, but it really just makes him more interesting and complex.
Some nice character turns here. The back and fourth is still dramatic and compelling. And the action is both sexy and realistic, as much as it can be in the genre.
Thanks for keeping at it and happy holidays.
Peace
pix
Author's Response:
Haha, don't worry, I'm not writing for the reviews :p
Yeah, I'm trying to make Shannon grow as a character. Next chapter should interest you in that regard, she'll deal with her mother and her vision of minors. As for ALejandro, he'll deal with his little sister, because she's quite shaken, you'll learn why when reading it, perhaps tomorrow or saturday. Alejandro is a little lost, because Shannon is actually forcing him in the open, out of his shell in ways he still can't fully understand. He's dealing with tremendous changes after all, and he needs to find his way forward. He'll manage, but I think his trip to a better life will be interesting to read... after all, it's just the first day of the Matthewson visit to Old Creek, five more to go after it, haha !
Happy holidays to you to!
[Report This]Date: December 18 2017 4:12 PM Title: Swimming bath
Ah yes. The sexy-scene setup. Very interesting. Your writing is as addicting as always!
[Report This]Date: December 17 2017 8:34 PM Title: Chores and small victory
Genuinely enjoying this so much! You have a great talent in writing, and I can't wait to see this continue :)
Author's Response:
Thanks ! Don't worry, it's far from over ^^. Next chapter should come out tomorrow; if all goes as planned !
Date: December 16 2017 9:33 AM Title: Minors' rights
"Would you bathe with me?"....Kinda pushing your luck huh, Shannon?
I might have to write the second part of that special....I'm getting a LOT of insight into Al &Shan's characters here. Alejandro might be too good a person. No way Shannon deserves any pity or second chances! He's better than Izzy! She wouldn't have that shit at all! Keep your crocodile tears!! I mean he found her sex messages! Where did he get this patience?!
Also very sound reasoning on Mrs. 88 year old widow with four kids. Not sure how appealing that would be or if it would workout but I applaud the logic.
One again....*deep breath* GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, SHANNON!
Author's Response:
Well, remember that he also saw how she helped others and cared about them and their families. Without it he would just have been disgusted. But he also was worried about her silence. Alejandro tends to imagine the worst really fast, so not hearing anything from Shannon during almost two hours, he begun to lose it. And Shannon truly was distraught, she's just quite unused to feeling this much for a minor (or even anyone). Next chapter should be fully from her point of view, but it may come later than usual, considering that tomorrow I'll go see the Last Jedi and then I'll spent the afternoon with my girlfriend :)
Thanks for applauding the reasoning. It felt rather logical to me that such a MAJOR would try it. Plus, she would have some serious arguments : experienced, still young enough MAJOR-wise to be beautiful and bear children and sexually adept with minors. Plus the added bonus of "you don't have to worry about me meeting someone else after you", it could attract some peoples ^^
[Report This]Date: December 16 2017 7:11 AM Title: Minors' rights
Things are really happening fast, and I like it. It’s been both sexy and interesting seeing Shannon fight for control and lose control.
Alejandro has really been the fascinating character. While I applaud and enjoy his independence and his snarkiness, it has been really rewarding to see him be more sensitive and accommodating toward Shannon. Yes, I would the first to argue that she needs to hear “no” more often, he shows he’s the “bigger” person by not kicking her when she’s down. It really feels like he could have destroyed her, broken her in her misery and yet he was gentle and uplifting. Even if she’s the one that lifted him.
The story with Lindsay was sweet and shows Alejandro’s gentle and giving nature. While he can see the biggies as the dangers they are, he can also see their vulnerabilities and frailties. I certainly don’t want to see him give them too many breaks, but I am in awe of his empathy, now that he’s dealing them outside his family.
A wonderful, layered characterization. Thank you for your wonderful work.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot ! Quite honestly, this work here helps me when I work on my personnal project. Hopefully, my characters will come as layered there than in Dance with Fire ^^ !
[Report This]Date: December 14 2017 1:48 PM Title: Burning passions
Shannon doesn't know Alejandro at all and it truly shows in this chapter. Yeah! She went too far! That's obvious. What's really terrifying though....well despite her terrifying display of sexual intensity and desire...is her casual indifference. She can try and justify it all she wants (riding high on the wave of impending orgasm makes any number of thoughts swarm your head) BUT!!!! She targeted his work bench from the beginning. Of course she doesn't it's true value, how he built it himself, but even worse than physically destroying it was her dismissal of it's relevance. "I'll buy him one later!" No you won't. Sorry Shannon. There's not enough money in the world. Not to mention you kind of wrecked his room and maybe flooded in "you". That's just icing. This relationship has a long way to go. If it goes anywhere after this.
BAD SHANNON. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!! Alejandro deserves soo much better than an overgrown, spoiled, rich girl!
Author's Response:
Haha, yeah Shannon fucked big time... Pun not intended. The next chapter, due tomorrow morning (French time) will probably surprise you. I made use off how I felt after a huge depression, years ago, when sorting my feelings was hard. But you'll see how Alejandro will deal with his own 😆
Date: December 14 2017 12:06 PM Title: Burning passions
Here we see the other side of Shannon, her private side. I would never have taken her for being a sadistic hard to handle lover for Majors, she seemed dominant but never so much that she would harm others. To see a hidden side is interesting, it changes the way I'll think about their relationship, and it's future. I had to re-read the chapter to make sure I not only understood the twist but to make sure that I was reading her delusions right. She's so sure of their relationship, that she is already imagining the bond sex. Imagining it, and losing control was a great setup. This was a beautifully charged chapter, I cannot wait for how Alejandro will cope as well as what Shannon will do.
Author's Response:
Truth been told, she is only sadistic with MAJORS, mainly because they can take it, but also because of how violent they and their society can be... She wouldn't willingly hurt Alejandro... She would lost it if he ended bruised, even slightly during their love-making session
[Report This]Date: December 14 2017 6:29 AM Title: Shooting session, part. 2
Okay, the last chapters have been fascinating. The way control seems to swirl between the two of them. Give and take, it really can shake things up with these two.
Shannon’s being in control and her intellect and imagination running wild, it sort of sets up her physical accident later. Great writing.
Alejandro’s internal struggles, seem to mimic his physical struggles. I enjoy how you are using this device to reveal his inner resources. It is a brilliant characterization on your part, well done.
In spite of literary merit, these chapters were nice and steamy. A good slow burn is building between them, but both of them are staying aware of the consequences. A nice sprinkle of frustration, a slow building of trust, you have a wonderful recipe for romance.
The accident and its aftermath, I have to admit, I did not clearly understand. The issues of scale seem slightly exaggerated and are giving me a bit of a hard time visualizing. But that’s a failing on my part.
The way Shannon gently handled the injured Alejandro, while struggling to keep panic at bay, was endearing and sweet. I really am liking her inspite of being a biggie in this world.
Thanks for keeping at it. Your work ethic is inspiring.
Peace
pix
Author's Response:
Thanks. You'll see that handling him was great but that Shannon should also have handled herself. She'll have some explaing to do ^^
Date: December 14 2017 4:47 AM Title: Shooting session, part. 2
Oooh, we're going into the spiciest chapter yet, bring it on
Author's Response:
Yup, but one of your protagonist may have been a little too spicy, see for yourself ^^
[Report This]Date: December 12 2017 6:01 AM Title: The Beast in the house
I feel a bit overwhelmed, like Alejandro. “Okay, if you’re going to write so fast I have no chance to review, we’re gonna have to lay down some ground rules...” Heehee. Kidding of course. Keep up you're most admirable pace, it's really great to get to enjoy such rapid updates.
First, the chapter with the families was excellent. I loved seeing Ofelia and Lindsay push-back on Alexis, showing how supportive and protective the family is of Alejandro. It was an especially significant gesture on Ofelia’s part, considering their past relationship. Also, though, Lindsay is standing up to someone who is not just an adult, but the mother of someone she admires. It was a nice, subtle way to show their strength in different and appropriate ways, Ofelia being protective while Linday is being actually supportive.
The teenage boys talked about sex. No surprise. But there was some candor there and depth. Like you got to watch them become friends.
In light of later developments, the dad’s talk made me wonder if Alejandro would like Japan.
But also, keeping in mind that they’re hyper-competitive biggies, the restraint with which they disagreed is very interesting. An example, maybe, of exceptionally controlled fathers producing exceptional children?
Alejandro’s and Shannon’s catharsis was quite moving. It took strength on both their parts to work through it and it was sweet and engaging for me as a reader. They are both changing rapidly in each other’s company. This is great character work on your part. So often, in size fiction, conversations between biggies and tinies are simply both parties laying out their point of view, neither impacts the other, nothing changes. It amounts to the biggie reminding the tiny of the power dynamic, we’ve seen it a million times. But these two are effecting each other. There is change and character growth. It is so rewarding to see as a reader.
I hope in all the tears, Shannon’s idea of “getting the gang back together” doesn’t get completely lost. It seems like something like that might be good for Alejandro and Shannon, maybe putting the arc of their relationship in perspective.
I’m curious to see if Alejandro is going to take Shannon’s idea of an “Ambassador to minorkind” as it is or if he will expand or alter the idea.
The way you have slowed the narrative in chapter 9 is interesting to me. Now we are seeing and feeling things through Alejandro and we are getting things in hyper-detailed passages. It makes him feel awake and alive, like a detective in a mystery novel, reaching out with his perception, searching for clues.
This is a brilliant piece of work on your part. You are really making something that is an awesome addition to romantic size fiction. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Peace
pix
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review ! I'm glad you liked the Bonus Chapter, it was harder to write than I had assumed it to be ^^
So far, I don't plan to use the gang, but I've some questions concernign travels inside the country for minors that I'll have to ask to NotSirk^^. As often, I hadn't even realized I had slowed the narrative, I just felt it was the right way to describe what was happening. Next chapter will be a little physical for our little hero, but nothing quite risqué... well, from Shannon's point of view !
Date: December 11 2017 3:45 PM Title: Heart to heart
fantatic chapter, both are confused and in love #inrightdirection !!!!!!!!
Author's Response:
Thnaks a lot ! I'm glad you like it !
[Report This]Date: December 11 2017 1:13 PM Title: Heart to heart
Geez! You have some of the fastest turnaround I've ever seen! A little refinement and you could get a job doing this professionally! I blink and there's two new chapters.
Okay: Shannon get your shit together! What the fuck are you doing?! You're a MAJOR not a bitch in heat! Show a least the illusion of composure!
I have to wonder what's going through Jandro's head here. One heartfelt conversation where she was constantly talking over him does not a lover make. Is he falling for her whiles? I know he only agreed to make out a little and honestly he's a healthy young man so it makes a little sense but still. It still feels a little too easy and too soon. It's been less than a day since they've reunited. Shannon's been pretty transparent in what she wants and that taints her words of changing MAJOR's perspective and the future a little too. She seems like a nice and caring young woman but she'a also a brutal negotiator! Don't forget that Alejandro!
Soo ot seems a little bit convenient. At least the timing. It has me slighty suspicious Shannon is a tier 3. I'm interested in the next chapter.
Author's Response:
Next chapter will try to deal with Alejandro's side. All I can tell is hat he is in a strange state of mind, the last two days have been nothing but new experiences to him, he's a little lost right now... But he sax something in Shannon when they kissed. Also, he has not fallen yet ! XD
Thanks for the professional writer comparison. My dream iq to become one (but I'm not betting on it). Strangely enough, while I spend more time on M/m than my other project, it still motivate me to write on it everyday. I guess it's good then ! ^^
Date: December 11 2017 12:45 AM Title: Special : The Family
I was surprised, I didn't think the family had such a connection between each other.
Author's Response:
Well, in my mind, Ofelia truly is a mama bear, even more so after the Incident. Jules is also quite proud of his minor boy and has the utmost confidence in him. But the parents have a it harder to truly express it to their son. Sometimes, a parent may love a kid really much but still struggle to express it.
[Report This]Date: December 10 2017 10:50 AM Title: History lesson
Okay, I really like this chapter. Alejandro is so calm and Sannon is so nervous. And I like how he’s actually making an effort to make her more comfortable. Seeing him control the scene is really refreshing. The old Alejandro I’ve been rooting for has returned.
I’m going to have to change my opinion on a Alejandro / Shannon relationship, at least a little. I still think her deserves to see his own worth in his own terms, but the mirror scene tells me that Shannon’s attention is helping him do that. Maybe they really can be good for each other. As things take on a more sweet and subtle tone their interactions seem more healthy, and mutually beneficial. So, basically, I don’t know. It actually makes me wonder how, or if, they could make it work. As thing were previously going I could see some disaster coming a mile away, now I’m truly in suspense as I see it has possibilities to be deep and meaningful but could turn much more complicated.
Now that it has some delicacy it has some fragility. It has a chance of breaking and being ruined and that is suddenly adding some tension. And Alejandro and Shannon have an equal chance of messing it up.
And this sudden shift doesn’t feel clunky or strange. It’s a new day with new possibilities. You showed it as a natural transition, making the changes flow along in a way that carries the audience.
r37;
r37; The Inn’s name...r36;Wow, that was a sad story. I think you might have to work out a few details to make that work out with Notsirk’s world, because I don’t think tinies were quite so rare before that much alluded to dark age, but I would still imagine there were communities founded by biggies just so they can everything their size. But I’m guessing, maybe it’s “pix close,” maybe it’s not.
Superior work and a pleasure to read. Thank you, again, for creating and sharing.
Peace
pix
Author's Response:
Glad your liking the whay the main characters are depicted here. Shannon has really grown on me and now, I want her and ALejandro to be good for each others, but first they have to clear the air, so to speak. As for the inn's name... the beauty of all of it is that all the sources are from MAJORS so... who knows if it's really the truth or not, right ?
Date: December 10 2017 10:19 AM Title: Preparation
I like the story. It's a bit like Imagi8's GH-2X
Author's Response:
Whoa, thanks but I don't think that I'm anywhere near GH-X2 levels of quality, really. NotSirk is , however :)
Date: December 10 2017 3:23 AM Title: History lesson
Thanks for the new chapter, I'm always excited to see a brand new chapter of this story to read.
Author's Response:
You're welcome ! I'm glad your liking it ^^
[Report This]Date: December 09 2017 11:13 AM Title: Flashes from the past
Wow, things become clearer and give Alejandro even more reason to not like biggies.
I’m not really sure what those around him are planning to impose on him, but I hope his recovered memories mess it all up.
The politest plan I could see them coming up with would be presented something like this.
“Alejandro, you are right. Our products are targeted completely toward the (big dummy) market and have neglected lesser beings like yourself. You are intelligent and inventive. We would like to create a position for you at the company as a minor marketing and development consultant.”
Whatever the plan, I hope he smells the set up and lets them know it. He has every right to say “I know from past experience I cannot count on Shannon. So it would be foolish to put myself in a position of having to rely on her in any way. Let alone putting myself within her sphere of power.”
Enough on speculation. Great chapter. The idea of letting Shannon and Alejandro “get just a taste of each other” and them separating them is really quite brilliant. It’s a classic romance tactic but is handled in a fresh way by the layers of conflict within the story.
I’m not particularly invested in a Alejandro/Shannon relationship. I’d much rather see Alejandro make some attempt to fly on his own, succeed or fail, before he does what every other tiny does. He deserves to discover his own worth, in his own terms, before he has to resort to having some stuck up, self centered biggie give him some affirmation that they find him useful.
The families suddenly seem less likeable in their conspiring. Like his family is like his friends were, conforming to “what biggies do” before considering him. And the reasoning behind their conspiring seems pretty vile. It’s as though they’ve started to see Alejandro as a problem and not a member of their family. Truthfully, I have hopes that Lindsay or Al will realize their duty to their brother over their adherence to “a biggie thing.” Because otherwise Alejandro will be left with absolutely no one he can trust and rely on. Of course, that might lead to him being even more independent and strong, so maybe it’s a good thing in the long run.
I do like how Alejandro has Shannon in perspective. She’s desirable, but not worth his self respect. She’s not worth his soul.
Great work. As you can see; thought provoking and rich. I’m loving this story more and more. Thank you for acting on Notsirk’s inspiration and sharing it with all of us. Top notch work.
Peace,
pix
Author's Response:
Hum, I had something more "plain" in mind for their trap... but yeah, Alejandro's past memories will mess with them. So far, he's the one with the character growth, but I plan on working on Shannon soon enough, she has to develop (well, technically she has developed rather well, but you get my point !). I really want her to actually get what the problems are and try to change herself and the world, so if NotSirk want to make uses of her, he'll have a lot of material to do so as he sees fit (that's his universe, after all^^). She has the clout and wealth to do so, or at least she will. But she needs a strong moral compass, and I think Alejandro would be able to do that. I kind of like the idea of someone so small, figuratively and realistically (socially, he IS a nobody, even if he ended with Shannon, he would still be "Shannon's minor", nothing else, to most MAJORS), being able to influence things for the better in the long term. Doesn't mean he has to become what MAJORS want him to become for doing so however, I've some ideas for him to achieve this without selling his soul.
As for Alejandro's family, it'll be explained in a special chapter why they feel the way they do and what they truly want for him, don't worry ;) !
[Report This]Date: December 09 2017 8:42 AM Title: The titan and the flea
I'll have to agree and disagree on Pix's perspective on Alejandro. His attraction to Shannon does feel jarring considering his past trauma with MAJORS but I viewed it as all introspection which justifies it more for me. He's only thinking these things and not acting on them. Frankly Alejandro comes off as kind of rude to Shannon. I don't blame him considering she groped him as soon as she saw him, but specifically informing Shannon he never once thought of reading up on her or not being in her business' "target demographic" comes off as a huge burn! How did he get away with that?!
I do find it odd he's never once seen a minor before. I know Old Creek is small time compared to the fictitious Winton Heights: A well off suburb in the outskirts of Golden Coast an equally fictitious region of California! (If people didn't know that because I rarely explain locations now you do!) but I figured with his family's amount of wealth they might've tried something? But then again considering the Mac Ferlan incident happened when he was eight I can understand why maybe he hasn't met at least one other minor. Izzy might have it better than I thought. It seems like he's the only minor in Old Creek and that's kind of sad.
Author's Response:
Well, Alejandro can be kind of insensitive at times, but most MAJORS will let it slide because of his past. I mean, does anyone would want to be called a Mac Ferlan or something by the little guy ? I don't think so. Plus, 'Rando is really conscious that in his world he has to do ten times more than the MAJORS around him to get even a modicum of respect. Therefore, he really doesn't hesitate to punch where it hurts. In his eyes, if the MAJOR can't get his or her ego bruised, he/she has no business bothering him.
Truthfully, I find it really hard to both depict Alejandro's physical interest in Shannon and her mental repulsion because of her behaviour. I'll try to improve on it, both in future cases, but also by showing where he comes from (next chapter is basically about why he had forgotten Shannon and so many other things. The next one will be about... oh, well, you'll see, I don't want to spoil the fun ^^).
Concerning Old Creek, yeah, Alejandro's situation is sad. It's a small town, and that's actually why his parents met and fell in love together. plus, their job is here, and they loved it too much to move at first. And after the Incident, they were afraid that their eldest boy wouldn't be able to endure the changes without going crazy. So they stayed.
[Report This]Date: December 09 2017 1:47 AM Title: The titan and the flea
Yeah, Shannon wants Alejandro because she thinks she deserves him. Not because she respects him. She just wants. Everything she does is intentionally manipulative. Another typical, selfish biggie. Not impressed.
Now, I think Alejandro’s attraction to her comes off as way too strong. Like he has instantly fetishized her. It lacks subtlety and, well, takes a lot of the suspense out of the relationship. His emotions so overwhelming his will and his intellect also seems to undermine the character you seemed to be painting in the initial parts of his story. As a reader is seems inconsistent. You are portraying him too much like the wild, unbridled biggies and not like the controlled, thoughtful tiny I though I was going to be reading about.
I can understand him being shocked that his old friend has blossomed into this...this...amazon, but all he seems to be seeing is the thing before him and not even trying to find his old friend in there. It makes him seem shallow, like he has lost his poetry.
That issue expressed, I am still pulled in by this story. I still want to see what happens. I still want see Alejandro in his struggle for dignity, maybe even for a bit of respect.
The families interacting is a really a cool aspect of the story. Like you have added a chorus to your drama. But still there is a prevailing natural quality to scenes.
Your work is compelling and enjoyable and I can’t wait to read more. But you are producing with such speed, one can hardly call it waiting. Great stuff.
Peace
pix
Author's Response:
Truth been told... the last chapter had Alejandro even more lost in her the first draft. But I didn't like it, he was becoming far too passive, before trying an heel face turn that felt too forced, even for me. I also didn't manage to depict well the fact that it's his first time ever interacting with MAJORS who aren't his family or professional nurses or surgeons. He's totally lost here, even if he tried to remain above the waterline.Alejandro doesn't really know where he is right now, because Shannon is this huge success story he could get if only he gave up on who he is. But he doesn't want that. He's just escaped Mac Ferlan's clutches, but he's still struggling with major trauma (it will be developed later on) and has to find his proper balance. he's interested in Shannon, but not at the cost of himself. Also, if you want to know why he doesn't see his childhood friend in Shannon... well next cgapter will be on it, quite deeply hopefully.
Basically, he had accepted long ago that he'll end with a MAJOR, since he never encountered a minor IRL, and, well, Shannon is overwhelming, physically. She is totally vain, right now, but she'll change. She's already beginning. Notice how it only dawned on her now that minors can't eat as much as MAJORS ? It's not innocent. Obviously, she knew that, but never made the effort to understand it. She's realizing that minors actually have to make choices that MAJORS never even have to consider. It'll come into play in a chapter I can't wait to write but is still somehow rather distant. So far, she is this asshole who thinks she is the greatest thing she could offer to anyone, mainly because how quick her success was and how strong it still goes.
[Report This]Date: December 09 2017 12:04 AM Title: Back and forth
Okay......after reading this, then re-reading this, then reading it again. First thoughts?....I kinda hate Shannon, but more on that later.
First I love the worldbuilding. Mentioning locations like New Orleans help flesh out the world. Establishing Old Creek as a small town by saying they only had one car rental place.
I'm loving Alejandro's family! The father's strong but caring, the mother sets up potential suitors, Lindsay's just a cutie! Good on her for getting Alejandro out of his shell....and not letting him get crushed. You really sell the strength of the MAJORS when a little girl casually out lifts her older brother. Or the inescapable grip of a young child who still had baby fat and.....did Mac Ferlan punch a kid?! It's implied Shannon is closer to Alejandro's age and he was 8 when Josh was alive and 14 so did a teenager deck a 8 year old girl?! MAJORS are aggressive but Mac Ferlan is insane!
Okay Shannon. Damn she's huge. I imagine she's even taller than Ignacio who would be the minor equivalent of 6'5. Third talest in the country! Or was it the world? Huge! Also you really nail her casual arrogance. I love the line."As naturally above him as he was above ants!" She's great, but...........You don't just get to pick up Alejandro BITCH!! YEAH you fucked up! Go eat at the non existent kids table. Alejandro shouldn't have to move for you!
So yeah I'm enjoying this!
Author's Response:
Haha, thanks ! I think you'll like Chapter 5, out in some second from now. Honestly, the story is so easy to tell thanks to your awesome wolrd-building. Your last chapter blew my mind, I'll have to deal with the bond deeper than intended at first, because of it ^^. In any case, Alejandro and Shannon's growth as character will gappen (relatively soon). The night has to pass, before that however. :)