Date: November 01 2017 10:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
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“They all lie. They all cheat. They all steal.”
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“Baby.” I kate spade outlet online sign taking basketball shoes Ben’s lacoste outlet online hand to my stomach.
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I nod ralph lauren uk and nfl jerseys walk back christian louboutin shoes to jets nfl jersey my sleeping bag covered mattress. Absentmindedly, I arrange my books neatly. I’m philipp plein clothing thinking of Alec. How he is supra shoes so nike air force different from Ben. They could pass as michael kors outlet twins. Same height. Similar builds. But the eyes are different. Alec’s slate gaze is soft. And Ben’s blue eyes are striking and intense.
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“What’s wrong, Emmy?”
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“You are not like them.” He argues. “We told Alec what he needed to hear. It’s the only way to keep you safe. I won’t cheap barbour jackets feel oakley vault bad about that.”
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“He may never forgive you for helping me. Can you live with that?” I titans nfl jersey demand.
No hesitation. “Yes.”
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“You still haven’t figured it out yet, have you? The girl kings jersey who reads a room like hilfiger online shop one of her books. versace clothes Who can see right through people, hasn’t figured it out.”
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“Look, I’m not like my brother. I’m not always the good guy. But I don’t think that’s what you want.” His breath mingles sweetly with mine. “I don’t think that it’s what you mcm handbags need E.J.”
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Ben scrutinizes me. Not the sign but my smile. He knows it’s fake. I’m normally so good at pretending that I’m a little taken aback. Beneath my lashes I cheap jerseys watch him step out of his shoes. He turns the rest of the lights off but adidas canada leaves ralph lauren outlet online the one beside the cheap oakley sunglasses mattress.
“I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”
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“Yes.” Ben nods. “Alec can wait.”
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Date: November 01 2017 7:16 PM Title: Chapter 2
Oh! There's a second chapter of this?....Well Uri's still ungrateful, but I guess Falcon's a bit of an ass so it kinda evens out. Interesting hints of Uri's backstory. No dad huh?...Bummer. That can really mess a girl up. I find the pairs budding dynamic fun and refreshing although now that I know what shocks do to Falcon (unless he's lying) I don't think Uri has the stones to do it. I can't be sure this early but I'd be very interested to see it happen. Especially the longer time passes...as their trust starts to build.........when it would hurt the most....but who knows if that'll happen right?!
I'll enjoy reading about these two driving each other crazy.
Date: November 01 2017 9:59 AM Title: Chapter 1
Very strong start. Dialogue is one of your strongest story telling aspects (and an area that can quickly tune me out of story when poorly written) it's entertaining to read the back and forth between Uri and Falcon.
The power dynamic is also being handled well with Uri possessing a level of civility towards Falcon, but still trying to make it clear that she's the one in control. On the flip side Falcon despite being owned has called Uri's bluff and can tell she isn't the hardass she makes herself out to be.
Good stuff, definitely on my radar to keep up with updates.
Date: November 01 2017 6:26 AM Title: Chapter 2
This is a nice complex scene. The (sorta) give and take between the characters makes the dialogue purposeful and driven. It has weight within the story, very nice. Their conversation is revealing, but still subtle. Really superior work.
Neither of the characters is super likeable or super hate-able, in the context of the world. I’m finding Uri’s reaction to the implications of Falcon’s origins to be a little shallow. Reincarnation? Mental transference? These things should inspire a little more “wow” from her, in my less than humble opinion. But everyone is not me, so maybe that’s just her.
Again, your descriptions and dialogue are solid and super enjoyable. You are delivering in a big way her and should really be proud of what your labors have produced.
Peace
And happy national novel writing month.
pix
Date: October 31 2017 7:22 PM Title: Chapter 1
This is great..feels real and has real emotion to it! Wold love to see where it goes! (he goes) same diference xD
Date: October 30 2017 9:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
Wow!
Descriptions so intense and graphic you can smell the sex. Some really amazing prose here. You seem to be enjoying the sensuousness of your situations and communicating your interest in a way that really draws your reader in. Superior work.
The characters are odd and interesting. Behaving in ways that have to be described as quirky, without undermining their verisimilitude. Again, the intensity and detail of your writing serving the story and audience so well.
I have to say that the way you are handling the element of social stigma in this story new and inventive to me. Usually it’s ignored or embraced to such an extent that it looses all weight within the story. The “I’m big so I can do what I want and I don’t have to care about what anyone thinks” approach is lacking subtlety and art. You have really made it a forefront element that give the story tension and depth. Again, awesomeness.
Thank you for sharing this with us and congratulations on another great work.
Peace
pix
Author's Response:
What an unexpected review! Usually my X rated stuff isn't as popular (or at least as 'reviewable') as my other stuff.
Thanks for the insight on social stigma. Cool to hear what readers pick up on, and you're quite skilled at referring to specifics which is helpful.
Date: October 30 2017 5:36 PM Title: Chapter 1
Falcon is way to cute to snuff! Hopefully Uri can get over her paranoia and forgive her smart little pet. I put my vote in. I really enjoy all your stories but I would love to see more of these two.
Author's Response:
Agreed! As for the votes, it's more evenly divided than I figured it would be. We'll see.
Date: October 30 2017 2:45 PM Title: Chapter 1
Ungrateful. That's my quick analysis of Uri based on one chapter of her masturbating. Yes it is!! Hardworking, pocket sized cat thing gives you your first orgasm and you're gonna get all paranoid because he's hungry!
"Falcon, Hungry." Is his first sentence. "Get over your insecurities, I'm like four inches tall!" is his second.
Nice chapter. I wouldn't mind reading more of it...or really any of your unfinished stories. I cast my vote. Looking forward to whatever comes up!
Author's Response:
Ungrateful is right! She should be praising him with thanks. Ah well, looks like Falcon will have to make the best of the situation he's in.
Thanks for the commentary Sirk! Looking forward to your next chapter btw!