Date: October 22 2017 8:39 AM Title: The Party
Man, you can really write, but you're lazy as hell.
So, Jake pushes through the party and people seem to only grudgingly make way for him, treating him as if he didn't exist. The way you described that was downright brilliant because that's something most people (except enormously hot ones, I guess) can relate to.
But then he went to the bathroom and shrunk down to 6 inches tall. The average person PISSES with more self-awareness than the way you wrote that bit. You got lazy there, and the story suffered.
You have the tools, but you must invest the energy. You're creative, you've got tons of cool ideas, but no matter how good it is in your head, we, the audience, can not look into yours. For us to understand the story the way you imagine it, you have to make more and better descriptions. You already know how to, which is more than can be said for most authors.
Hope this helps. Best regards.
[Report This]Date: September 19 2017 4:47 PM Title: The Party
Very cool story. There can never be too many college centered size stories, so I'm happy to see more of them. And your chapters are short, but filled with quality. And you also added in a bunch of different kinks, which isn't always easy.
I also like how you're keeping things fresh, by adding in things that change the status quo, allowing aware and unaware interactions.
And I also like how you include small teaser sentences at the end of chapters. Those are pretty cool.
For Chapter 12 in particular, I liked the unaware stuff. For the shrinking liquid, was that the first time it was referenced? I skimmed the other chapters a bit, so I could have missed it. But it seems like that will make things even more interesting for the next chapter.
Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I did reference it a bit when Jennifer shrunk Stacy at the second party. It was just kinda glossed over as a small reveal that Jennifer had shrunken Jake on purpose that I tried to hide in other action but it'll come into play soon.
[Report This]Date: August 29 2017 10:39 AM Title: The Party
Greaty story, very erotic. My only suggestion would be to slow it down a bit. The story moves a little fast-paced. Try to add more detail of scenery so i cna feel like im there. But very good story, youve earned my 10 star rating.
Please review my new story when you get a chance
[Report This]Date: August 20 2017 8:53 PM Title: A Threeway
Not gonna lie, this is pretty hot
Date: August 11 2017 7:33 PM Title: The Party
I love the story so far. I have an idea for a chapter. When he's in a girls panties she can trade pairs with a friend and end up in another girls ass without her knowing. But go ahead with your idea if u want I'll still read
[Report This]Date: August 10 2017 1:26 PM Title: Stuffing the Beast
Love the story! Really looking forward to more!
Author's Response:
Thank you!