Date: November 08 2020 2:58 PM Title: Chapter 25: Invigoration
So... was the First Emporer's plan not simply "complete genocide"? Also, fucking why? Like yeah I'd understand the genocide motive if it were in a place actually hospitable to tomkins, but even if they kill every single human, nature's still coming to get them in spades no matter how many animals they kill off.
How much of this shit are you making up as you go along?
Author's Response:
First Emperor's plan was very close to complete genocide. His reasoning, or rather, the lack of it, will make sense later.
At this point, I have more or less the entire plot ironed out - the hard part is wording it so that it goes from an idea for a story to an actual story. Mulling on a story you didn't finish for a few years really helps on that accord lol
Date: October 31 2020 10:46 AM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
Okay, after a solid mulling over and a couple of what I'm sure are the stages of grief (anger, denial, acceptance), I've come to terms with the fact that Teagan was arguably justified in what she did. They did attack her first and it really is an apocalyptic scenario where every truce is uneasy. They didn't let her sit down and talk about it, at least Isaac was right in that the box had holes so they could see out, but the bag was thick canvas/deerskin and completely dark, plus tomkins obviously couldn't understand what they were saying. Hell, if she had told the others that she liked to torment tomkins first by dragging them off for a few days of captivity, no doubt that they would have understood that sadism, and also probably would have let her go.
BUT
After having watched everyone you love die or be enslaved with fresh memories of the war (or fresh-ish) maybe even a few being combat vets, their rabid hate for tomkins is understandable because they lived it. ... and damn that's actually a really good depiction of war and stuff because you have overarching contempt for a certain group as a whole but indivduals force you into a new perspective. Teagan's going to crack at some point or another, the dichotomy of justifying her actions is fucking insane. She can't keep it up forever. Her mental state is clearly scrambled ("I'll kill my own kind to protect Sihil" "I'll slaughter tomkin children because I feel like it")
.... I also have a sort of... I guess wonderment would be the word, just about how tomkins speak of the war as if it's almost legend like, like a modern 20-something talking about the world wars or vietnam, where the tomkins only have second or third hand information and yet, the humans that made it to be in their 30s or 40s or older (old guy living in the peat bog who gave Teagan the map, Isaac, and the guy who tried to presumably rape Teagan) are almost definitely combat veterans who remember it, firsthand, like it was yesterday. AND THEY'RE STILL YOUNG.
I really do want to know how you're going to develop Firkon's character. Just because I started thinking about how the empire's propoganda is cracking. Could he ever come to regret his actions against humans? Or will he contest until the day he dies that his action is justified? (for reference, I'm referring to an incident specifically. He speaks to a Senix and says that Teagan is "much smarter than the giants we fought it the war" and given how (relatively) young Firkon is, the army he was fighting definitely had at least a few kids in it. That's right Firkon. The reason the humans seemed stupid is because you were slaughtering children. Firkon is a babykiller, will he ever have to confront that, or is he going to eventually have to regretfully admit he killed kids (albeit in a war...)(maybe with a few manly tears?) or is he going to be one of those bitter bastards who swears he did nothing wrong until his last breath?
Author's Response:
Teagan isn't a master of rationale given how hard she struggles to justify her actions to herself, so doing so for others is quite the challenge. Part of Teagan's willingness to straight up slaughter Wulfric and Co. was probably from the quarrel she took to the leg, a wound that could have very easily been fatal had it hit an artery. That being said, most of it absolutely came from her desire to protect Sihil, a sentiment that Teagan herself recognizes as strange and irrational. She doesn't quite yet understand why she's been so drawn to Sihil, but she's almost started to recognize Sihil as a human being on the same level as an actual human, and so she's absolutely willing to kill a few people she deems unsavory for her tiny companion's sake.
And the war! Yes, the time can seem a bit... wonky, but the way I've thought of it, the war proper has been over long before Teagan was alive; the tomkins are just stomping out the last pockets of resistance at this point, so it feels a lot more like a war for the few remaining beleaguered humans that it does for the tomkins, whose numbers are so nearly endless that those few people who do live on the borders and see a giant firsthand will simply find their voices lost in the sea of propaganda and misdirection that's been established for years, spreading like wildfire in every dense urban center. More on that later - there's a reason for it.
Firkon is, at this point, at least, a pawn of a plan set in motion that's absolutely greater than himself, as we can see from Icaria's dialogue with Volkhard. It's going to be hard for him to change, especially now that Icaria is going to be reaffirming his beliefs given that he, in his current state, is exactly the kind of individual she was looking for. As for Firkon, well, I hate to say it but that's just a case of bad writing on my part. When Firkon says "we", I meant it moreso as him referring to tomkins as a whole than himself as his men, who are too young to even have fought against ragged militias such as the one Teagan's father died in, let alone the rank and file armies of old. Many of his men probably never even saw a giant before their encounter with Teagan, and Firkon himself knows most of what he does about them from second-hand sources.
Date: October 30 2020 3:35 PM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
a prediction I forgot to... predict
black haired hunter chick that threatened Volkhard is actually Aelia's granddaughter
Aelia survived (but is probably dead now from age)
Everything that fueled Volkhard's self righteous genocide will be revealed to be a lie
he will not cope well
Author's Response:
ok i think i can safely say that aelia was very deceased when adelaide killed her. it was a bit fucky because i tried to convey that volkhard was in denial but she was absolutely killed there
Date: October 30 2020 8:21 AM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
Is it wrong that I want Volkhard and her to be a dynamic duo? I can't decide whether it would be funny or angsty. Probably both.
Author's Response:
Wrong? That sounds like a pretty good idea to me, considering the similarities between the two. Honestly not even pretty good, just straight up good
Yeah I think I'll keep this little idea in mind for the next few chapters
Date: October 30 2020 5:51 AM Title: Chapter 24: Company
WAIT A MINUTE HOW OLD ARE YOU I GOTTA KNOW HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING FAILURE I AM
PLS PLS PLS PLS
Author's Response:
u arent a failure!!!!! nobody who has such refined taste as to read all is lost is a failure, especially my favorite reviewer
that being said I am the inglorious age of 18 at the time of writing
Date: October 30 2020 5:45 AM Title: Chapter 24: Company
If teagan doesn't give up on whitebreeze keep on account of being a tomkin lover (literally threw away an entire bastion of humanity for one fucking tomkin, fucking traitor) (even though I do love sihil) and she does end up reaching it now I'm starting to hope she becomes an hero, just because imagine sugdau but like times 200. All for a fucking tomkin. I know I already said so but I really think Sihil's gonna be even more disgusted because now teagan's killings are EVEN MORE indiscriminate than before. like sometimes you can say "well at least he'd never kill a kid" and they have that redeeming quality. But now teagan has nothing to redeem her. (a homocidal maniac and an omnicidal maniac are on two completely different levels of insane) (ok so like right now the best thing I can think of is in undertale when undyne says "you're not just going to kill monsters but even humans too" and that gives her just a double dose of disgust and righteous anger) So now instead of gray/grey/white/off-white (that's sihil, can't blame her for anything precious bean omochikaeri) it's more like gray/dark gray moving towards black/off white.
.... I just figured it out. Oh my god I just got it. Sihil knows how important she is to teagan, even more so if the ability triggered now and she just didn't mention it ("if you could understand me" is really tempting fate there teagan). Sihil, who's already lost everything is going to figure out that her own death would probably drive teagan to suicide so in a last attempt to stop her she's gonna do what she couldn't do when firkon's army tried to kill teagan with the siege engine. Sihil's gonna kill herself to drive teagan mad with grief enough that she takes her own life, stopping her insane killing spree for good.
.... it's 1 AM
Author's Response:
That's... actually a really fucking good guess and it makes me sad that I am forced to neither confirm nor deny it. In any case yeah Teagan is definitely headed towards a good old fashioned any% genocide run and Sihil is probably the only one with enough influence to change that atm
Of course, I'd personally find it hard to betray the only person on my side even if they are an omnicidal spellcasting giant, but then again, there's a reason why Sihil isnt a selfish shit
As always thanks for the review(s) they are giving me the will to go on every time I hit a mental roadblock
Date: October 30 2020 4:08 AM Title: Chapter 24: Company
>Hates tomkins
>longs for humanity
>acknowledges hassan and aaliyah hate her
>fucking murders 8 innocent humans for the sake of tomkins
Damn teagan should have just said they were your sex toys the Sudgauians probably would have just let you go
goddamn couldn't let any reader get too cozy with teagan i guess
tbh despite tomkins dislike/hatred/fear of humans I'm not gonna be surprised if next chapter they appear, hassan, aaliyah, and even sihil will be completely disgusted by the fact teagan has moved on from not only killing tomkins but humans too.
... I was expecting Sihil to just randomly blurt something out in english this chapter.
Poor Hannah, fucking bitch teagan should have just killed her. don't kill her whole family then leave her to deal with it. what a cunt.
Author's Response:
while it's true that Sihil and pals saw Teagan take out a sizable group of humans, I'm also pretty sure they understood that it was to protect them. Sigil might not like to see Teagan killing more, but I cant say Hassan or Aaliyah would feel the same way about the scenario
Date: October 30 2020 3:59 AM Title: Chapter 24: Company
..... how long has it been since you've last slept
do you have hypoxia
are you on drugs
Author's Response:
So basically when I was writing this I fell asleep in the middle of it, I finished it the next night with a comparatively clear mind! The only drug I'm on is anxiety, it's a 24/7 hour prescription
Date: October 29 2020 9:45 PM Title: Chapter 24: Company
OMG enzo!!! u r, like, my FAVES author on this website!!! i bet ur so smart and handsum and good at writing and i love u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ps i really like the part where taegan is NAKEYD LOL!)
Author's Response:
thx adoring fan. i find your praise flattering and your critique very valid. i will keep this in mind as i write future chapters
[Report This]Date: October 28 2020 12:51 PM Title: Chapter 23: Understanding
OK I KNOW THIS IS LIKE MY THIRD REVIEW SHUT UP
BUT
Are you posting a lot to make up for two months of ghosting (I'm not complaining). ALSO if you abandon this story because of anything short of death I'm going to be very disappointed. The last time that happened was (seemingly) twice, once with a story called Adamic Ring which hasn't been updated since last year and once with a story that was part of an alleged triology called "Nami". First story posted 8 years ago then abandoned AND BOTH THOSE STORIES HAVE OVERARCHING PLOT AND I'M STILL NOT OVER IT AFTER ALL THIS TIME. It's why I've learned trust only leads to pain and the sad part is I'm not joking.
ahaha
ahaha
*sobs*
Author's Response:
yeah i'm compensating for my short disappearance with daily chapters for the week, i feel like it's the best way to get back into a semi-regular pattern of writing as time goes on. if i write a chapter a day this week, a chapter every three or four later on won't feel so pressing. I'm gonna be honest when I say that I have a lot of stuff on my plate right now since I'm starting to apply to colleges, so I can't guarantee with certainty that I won't vanish without a trace for a while, but I can promise that so long as I'm alive, I'll eventually return to write another chapter. I don't think anything can really top the 2017-2020 hiatus at this point anyhow, for better or worse
Date: October 28 2020 10:57 AM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
@Zaximus Yes I do believe it's implied Volkhard was Adelhard in his childhood, he fully assimilated into tomkin culture once he decided humans "weren't right".
Also I missed the bit about Aelia being "probably dead", oh man if it turns out that she made it out alive and he fucking massacred his sister, shit a suicide's in order, I can't imagine what that'd do to someone's psyche. Like I keep imaging Volkhard's mom and dad and him just fucking abandoning or murdering them because they're human what the fuck.
Date: October 28 2020 10:52 AM Title: Chapter 23: Understanding
Stay small, Volkhard. Stay small and you'll stay happy
missing a quotation mark. Also damn doesn't it suck when some random bitch preys on the fact you mass murder innocents left and right and calls out the bullshit cope you use to keep from going insane? Hate when that happens. "The magic extended my lifespan and youth" KEEP COPING YOU LIAR
>She had made sure to instruct Teagan, Hassan, and Aaliyah
Teagan should be Sihil.
>safety not only for herself, but for Sihil as well
You know, assuming the others won't rightfully slaughter a tomkin in a second.
... CONFOUND THIS PLOT GROWING EVER MORE GREY AND ALSO COMPLEX
Also from like two chapters ago I realized basically in my sleep as one often does, Teagan let that "middle aged bearded soldier" go absolutely because he looked like her father, despite the fact he died when she was like five which means it's been 15 years and I can't remember my own father's face despite the fact it's been 12 years do i wanna talk about it no.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much for proofreading for me lmaooo i was too tired to do it myself so i just hoped i hadnt made any errors
and im going to be honest, i really wasn't thinking about teagan's father when I first wrote that scene but I decided to go back and edit the tomkin's appearance retroactively because I thought it would be a neat callback so I'm glad you caught it (if i was a reader i probably wouldn't have)
Date: October 28 2020 5:07 AM Title: Intermission the Second
God I fucking LOVE this story!!! THAT. ENDING. I just....the pace of the this chapter was quite interesting considering it seemed pretty removed from our normal setting at first glance and of course the subject matter therein but that twist? I didn’t see that coming, holy shit I’m still reeling from it. I think I scared my co-worker when I read it! XD
I will admit to a little confusion. At the end I couldn’t exactly tell if Aelia had actually died as you use the words “might have died” in the last paragraph and I’m not sure if Volkhard was Adelhard (the last part of the name suggests yes) or was merely pretending to be him. Or maybe this was a flashback of his past he was having in the present. Like I said, it wasn’t exactly clear to me specifically but the simple fact that this seemed to be his backstory was enough to send my mind rocketing and I love it!
Also I noticed you said you were looking for ways to make interactions between Teagan and her Tomkin victims refreshing. Might I suggest more descriptions of the events as well as more of their interactions from the Tomkins perspective? Seeing what they see, feeling what they feel as they watch Teagan descend upon them and massacre their people, that could keep it fresh and bring a kind of frightening aspect to it that could help underline the nature of what’s happening. That or also describing the carnage through Teagan’s state of mind. It seems a lot of it is written in 3rd person (at least the last chapter I read, admittedly it’s been some months since I binged this story) but what if you used the time to have Teagan also reflecting on the deeds, what she felt, why she acted in the specific way she did to kill a particular Tomkin, stuff like that. It would help give us a deeper look into her psychology which I believe would be very valuable.
As far as the descriptions some of them seem to run pretty short, like “Teagan popped them in her mouth” and that being it to end that particular groups lives. Let it go on for a bit. Describe it, let us see it! Emphasize what is happening and why it’s important we should care!
You’ve got an amazing story here that I love to read and can’t wait to see progress! Excellent work!
PS: I got home and saw there was another chapter. ARE YOU SERIOUS!? 3 New Chapters in almost a single week!?! SQUEAL!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!
Please keep writing this! At this point, if you write it, I'll read it!
Author's Response:
Ok, so, first of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the tips. I will absolutely try to use them to my fullest extent, since while I think I'm an adequate writer overall, god, its just so hard for me to get the fetish scenes down right, since I've sadly never got to learn the intricacies of writing vore in my creative writing class
And yeah, Aelia definitely died. Volkhard is just in complete denial of the fact, and thought it was her talking to him while he killed Adelaide. Originally I wasn't going to include a name change from Adelhard to Volkhard, but I figured it would fit well here: Volkhard means "strength of the people", and is a part of the mantle he took unto himself after he joined tomkin society. He also, of course, abandoned Adelhard due to the similarity it had to his sister's name. The name change was a figurative act of sorts signalling his change from human to tomkin.
I guess I have to keep writing chapters anyhow, since if I stop writing, how will I continue having the absolute definite undisputably best end notes on this website?
Date: October 28 2020 5:04 AM Title: Chapter 22: Battle
God YES!!! I can’t tell you how happy I am to see this story continued! My heart literally stopped when I saw the words that meant we had a new entry! I’m very sorry I haven’t reviewed this story yet but this is one of my absolute favorite ongoing stories at the moment. I binged the entire thing close to the beginning of quarantine when new chapters were dropping like hotcakes and….wow…..just wow. I’m going to work my way through and try and review every chapter, which admittedly will take a while but is totally worth it. This story is just….please PLEASE don’t let this die! Life without the story of Teagan and Sihil is too bleak to bare. I swear I’ll get to you a more detailed review, just please continue writing it!
I'm right there with Laeron, feeling what he's feeling. There are those moments.
Loved this chapter, absolutely brutal. Volkhard is becoming quite the interesting character. I also love some of the little moments with Teagan, her sparing the kneeling soldier and the mini speech she gives to Laeron after her rampage were particular favorites of mine.
You have been consistently getting me with this Author Notes and Chapter End Notes. Man I really thought there were pumpkins in here. I really wanted that skin. :'(
Date: October 27 2020 2:35 AM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
OH WAIT A MINUTE
I know this
I know how this all goes.
That Chekhov's Gun?
Yeah you're gonna pull an Uno Reverse and make Sihil the one with the ability.
I got you figured out, smartman.
Author's Response:
i will neither confirm nor deny this prediction
Date: October 26 2020 9:28 AM Title: Intermission the Second
I can't even love-hate Volkhard like I do Firkon, just hate. GODDAMNIT VOLKHARD IT'S NOT AN EXCUSE FOR GODDAMN GENOCIDE.
If the last paragraph isn't meant to imply such, Volkhard's off his goddamn rocker and sees every fucking tomkin as Aelia, doesn't he? (not even figuratively, like he had a psychotic break and literally he just sees Aelia dying over and over again)
..... Aaaand I'm absolutely calling that this is a Chekhov's Gun where Teagan has this ability too and she just has to focus her sorcery within her mind to trigger it.
... I'm in a love/hate relationship with you actually. Because everything is different shades of morally gray and it's PISSING ME OFF.
man i thought you was dead
Author's Response:
Yeah, Volkhard's never really gotten over the death of his beloved. He's definitely in a better state as of the story's current events, but something in him just broke and never really healed after watching Aelia die
And God, yes, I sure do love a good gray, grey, and greyer morality scheme. While there's of course the downside that everybody is a bit of an asshole, there's also an upside in the fact that when they inevitably die, it's never all bad, right? In any case, speaking of inevitable death, I'm not done yet. I swear on what little sense of responsibility I have that I'll at least finish this story before I vanish from the face of the Earth.
Date: October 24 2020 7:57 AM Title: Chapter 22: Battle
>I hope we're getting the lore I so desperately crave. Like, where the tomkins come from, how they got here, how old Firkon is (in human years not tomkin years), how long this tomkin-human war took, how long before that humans and tomkins had an uneasy coexistence, WHAT EMPEROR THEY'RE ON NOW
>Why Volkhard is so screwed in the head, seriously this goes beyond "I've assimilated into their culture and have learned to understand them"
>Just how hard Firkon is going to beat Volkhard when he finds out Volkhard is and has been a "monster" all this time.
IIIII kind of want Firkon to get hurt. Like a lot. Not die, just.... maybe some humiliation and domination, show him his place. I wonder if Firkon truly believes humans (real humans) really are just basically like... Indominus Rex from Jurassic World (absolutely animal but is conscious enough to do things outside of instinct). Propaganda of the empire, to make you feel less bad about killing them en masse (like every war ever)? Is it just something he's convinced himself of so he doesn't have to feel bad if he kills a baby?
Author's Response:
>yes! yes!!!! yes!!!!!!! its all coming but i have to deliver it all as slowly as possible to inflict maximum reader pain like the sadist shit i am. can definitely say that they aren't really on any specific emperor number right now, since the united tomkin coalition of days gone by has been replaced by a litany of city-states, nations, and smaller sub-empires, many of which have leaders fighting over conflicting claims of dubious legitimacy to successorship of the shattered empire
>thank you for the intermission idea
>painfully and thoroughly if he gets over the denial
and yeah, Firkon is definitely assimilated deep into the tomkin propaganda for one who's had multiple encounters with Teagan and lived to tell the tale. He's definitely becoming disillusioned with the idea that humans are brutish by nature, but he wishes he could still believe it to be true.
[Report This]Date: September 13 2020 10:15 PM Title: Chapter 21: Clash
It's nice seeing Teagan come into her power more, getting some semblance of control over it.
Volkhard has lived with them a long time, yet somehow managed to avoid seeing why some humans may despise and wish harm on the Tomkins. Has he been living under rocks? Or has he gotten himself so deep into their society that he is simply blind to their own sins and atrocities?
I look forward to seeing the new chapter.
Date: September 11 2020 6:46 AM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
W
WWWWAAAAIIITTT a minute. So we know that humans call tomkins "tomkins", and we know that the tomkins call humans "Erguni/ergund", but you never told us what the tomkins call themselves. I GOTTA KNOW I GOTTA KNOW
Date: August 05 2020 6:20 AM Title: Chapter 21: Clash
... this damn story has roped me into a two month long tangent of reading into ancient roman culture and latin, of which I would never do normally. For example, up until that two month tangent I had assumed tomkins (the men at least) to be wearing stereotypical medieval european peasant garb (like... trou and tunic) BUT I am led to believe this is not so and that they're wearing chiton and tunica.
Author's Response:
The general garb is a bit hard to describe. For the most part, however, tunics would be the main garment worn, given how much easier it is to weave something more loose-fitting when you're only a few inches tall but working with normal sized thread.