Date: August 03 2018 4:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
I really like this story and hope you come back to it soon. The growing sadism of the daughter and the burgeoning indifference of the wife make for a great contrast.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your comments. Of the stories on the backburner, this one holds some interest for me to continue. But I really don't know if I'll continue it. If I had endless energy I would. Thanks again for your interest. I appreciate it.
Date: July 26 2018 4:32 AM Title: Chapter 1
Awesome story.
I hadn't read it earlier.
The daugther is delightfully evil, love it!
Author's Response:
I appreciate your words. And, yes "delightfully evil" is a great way to put it. Thanks a lot for reading/commenting.
Date: August 07 2017 5:25 PM Title: Chapter 1
This story needs more chapters! Its really crying out for more! So much left unsaid, undone!
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for your interest. I'm not sure when/if I'll continue this, but I appreciate your comments.
[Report This]Date: November 02 2016 7:45 PM Title: Chapter 12 ... 11-2-16
Still ROFLMAO.
X-D
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot. I'm glad you found the story to have some funny elements. :)
Date: November 02 2016 3:19 PM Title: Chapter 1
Hey I hope you're not taking too long of a break lol I've been waiting patiently on the latest chapter and love where it's going. I love the wives reluctance to get physical with her tint husband but hope it happens real soon. I'd like to see her coming up with a few humiliating chores for him too, like hand washing her undies or painting her toe nails, maybe trIming some hair too.
Anyway keep up the great work.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting. I hadn't thought about Karen having James doing chores. That makes me think. Thanks again.
[Report This]Date: November 02 2016 12:32 PM Title: Chapter 12 ... 11-2-16
You said we can help you learn with constructive criticism or help. Well, since everyone loves to criticize you in the last few comments, I guess I will just offer my opinion on things. (I probably might end up criticizing you anyway.)
First off. Let me get this straight. You are taking a break and now you said that the last time you received critism you cried for 2 weeks? Is this break for you to bear these critiques? If I were to criticize with you, it would be that today is Wednesday and not Thursday like your usual uploads. Silly of me, right?
Let's break down this chapter.
Addie stuffs him in a pillow case. Um. Ok. Never heard that one before. Would be more interesting if she stuffed him in Karen's pillow case at least. (Or one of Karen's belongings.)
Then Karen searches for James and she gives up after 10 seconds. Lol! If your wife gives up that easily, you might was well get a divorce. Only reason James won't, is because he likes her too much.
James then goes after Karen and I kind of like this free roam thing where he just explores the house. He can choose any spot to hide and that makes his choices important.
James climbs up to Karen's bed and gets turned on. I don't blame him. He goes from feet, to legs, to pussy. I like the way he thinks. I was hoping he climbs into her shorts, but then you ended the chapter and now you said you are taking a break. :(
Hopefully, next chapter, Karen does the "what am I going to do with you" phrase and plays with Jim.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
Thanks for taking the time to review. I was just joking about crying for two weeks. Most people don't enjoy criticism. But when it's constructive it is... well, constructive. I desire to write better like most writers. Who doesn't want to fly as high as possible?
I never heard of stuffing a little guy in a pillowcase before either; it served the purpose at the time. Some of the events unfolded as they did in order to have some 'unaware' scenes.
Karen saying the 'What I am going to do with you?' phrase is the direction of the story, but I'm trying develop a climax in due time. Thanks a lot for commenting. I appreciate you taking the time to reply.
Date: November 02 2016 11:26 AM Title: Chapter 1
If you're looking for the harsh criticism that'll potentially help you learn, then I'll give it a go.
Your dialogue in the earlier chapters seem contrived, very much so. When Addie is trying to insinuate about James' plight during her time shopping with her mother, it's incredibly obvious. It just protrays that Karen is either an idiot, or that Addie is incapable of anything subtle.
You have created a plot which is heavily centralized around Addie asserting power over her family. Yet, it's the dialogue again where it falls down. Everyone is sensationally over-reactive to everything (i.e the Credit Card, Abiding by House Rules, Respect James' role in the family) and then incredibly under-reactive to actual things that would be horrific in a real-life situation (i.e Karen completely turning around on Addie's behaviour, instead of horrified and indignant rage, Karen asks her not to put him in her cleavage...?)
Then, in terms of plot holes, why is there even a brother... or a dog? Because both of those seemed to be an afterthought which was thrown to the side immediately to make way for an unbelievably disfunctional relationship between Karen, Addie and James... which wasn't built up sufficiently or fleshed out.
You've found a strange limbo in your writing where half of the story is plot-centric or at least building towards that, but the other half of the story seems to cater towards a pure 'Giant girl puts man between unusually large breasts.' You've insinuated that James is highly insecure about his fetish, yet you've created a world with Magicka where it's likely highly common that society accepts people wishing to be shrunk.
Lastly, what irks me somewhat is James' personality. He has a spine one minute and can stand up for himself, and the next moment he's a one-dimensional character that is oggling Addie's chest. Would make you wonder why on earth Karen would have ever married the man, he doesn't seem to have a single redeeming quality. Which would later make you wonder why she would be accommodating to a fantasy she doesn't enjoy at all.
So, to sum up. You've a great ability as a writer, but your dialogue is too forced and doesn't feel natural. You can write humour, I like James' internal monologue about buying size-themed furniture. You've a talent for suspense writing and you'll enjoy a great readership, but the story lacks the immersive quality for me.
Lastly, I hope you don't see this as a harsh review. You wanted constructive criticism, so I've tried to deliver. You have to remember though that the majority of the people that will be reviewing are not lurkers, they're writers. Everyone has their own style and groove, so take everything with a pinch of salt.
Thornton
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review. It's about learning. You're right that the dialogue is contrived at times... that's partially on purpose. But I thank you for pointing that out, because it wasn't on my radar. The characters are not meant to be viewed totally as real-life people... but maybe I should try to do that more. It's like the characters in anime ecchi... like with the style of harem anime, with all the cliches... it's done for fanservice and titillation. Realism is substituted with exaggerated unrealistic dialogue/events for the primary purpose of sexual excitation. For example, when Karen asked her daughter to not put James in her cleavage again, it was solely for arousal purposes; I was aware it was not realistic. I did that on purpose, because my instinct told me it was fun and enjoyable.
The dog exists solely as a prop... something to be shrunk down. The brother exists for variety, and because sisters sometimes have brothers. He could return and get shrunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to write a review. I think I see your view point better. I could write an entirely realistic, believable story... or I could swing to the other end of the spectrum and have it being entirely fantasic and unbelievable. I was trying to write something in between, because I thought that was where the intersection of sexy-fun and plausible drama existed.
The over-reacting is hyperbole on purpose (i.e the Credit Card, Abiding by House Rules, Respect James' role in the family) and the under-reactive parts are on purpose as well... to a degree. I'm trying to create emotion. with sometimes unrealistic behavior. Actually, I'm trying to find the balance between realism and un-realism. The primary reason I'm writing is for entertainment, and the orgasmic fun of it. Shrinking gives me a high, and I'm trying to facilitate that pleasurable experience.
You're right that James is shallow, but in being a pervert, he makes it more fun for the reader looking to get sexual enjoyment. That's what I'm trying to write.
I could create sexiness with totally realistic characters, but I find it more difficult. It would seem too bland and boring.
I don't fully understand how the dialogue being unrealisic is a bad thing. It serves the prupose of my goal: erotic fun. But I think you are onto something with it... something I don't fully see. I am mixing realism when I see it as beneficial (the anger/arguing) and unrealistic (banter in the car with Karen and Adelaide) to create a fetish high.
Thanks for the nice things you added near the end. You're very thoughtful and generous to have taken the time to offer some constructive criticism. I need to think about this more, because I'm trying to understand how the story would be better if it were 100% realistic. The characters are truly 'characters'... in the sense that Kramer from Seinfeld is a character. But instead of humor, it's excessive emotion or absence of emotion or flaunted sexuality that defines the characters.
I hope you don't see this as a harsh response to a review. It seems to me more like different philosophies or styles of writing... each with different purposes and goals. Both seem equally valid and useful. But I could be wrong. I'm still learning. Thanks again for taking the time to help me.
Date: November 02 2016 9:56 AM Title: Chapter 1
Observations and such:
The BOOM BOOM BOOM of the footsteps is a trademark of yours. I actually like it, because it is short-hand for what you mean. It's simple, sort of childish, but, hell, I get tired of explaining what gigantic footsteps from a 400+ woman might sound like. It's BOOM! anyhow. You lean on the giantess converter a lot, but you're good at it, you are able to convey size through it well because you mention more than one measurement, or (in stepsister) you do a bit of math to arrive at how much of the blonde goddess is sticking up above the desk that the brother can see. Good stuff. How about find some real world analogues too, sometimes? From experience I can tell you for future stories that dialogue creates character. Write whatever comes out, put it in a mouth, and you have a clue to that person. Do three lines of dialogue coming from a person and often you now can see a character as an individual... perhaps not who you wanted, but someone maybe even more interesting than what you "ordered". If a young woman has size F breasts that's *unusual*. Live that up. I've known and dated several DDD women. Their breasts were a large (haha) part of their identity. They knew people stared, and they were particular about certain things because of that: good bras, sleeping in a certain preferred position, being forced to do (or not do) certain things, feeling intensly hurt whenever someone might mistake their loose tee-shirt hanging out away from their abdomen as a sign of them being tubby. Women with F-cup breasts do not like to clean stove-tops. They hate tying shoes. or jogging. Or lying for extended periods on their backs. They have to mind their breasts, corral them, round them up, protect them. Those breasts *are them*.
Sit on a finished chapter. Reread it a day or more later. I never do this with my stuff here. I continue to tweak after I post. Add nonsense to dialogue, (Yours) “Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you.”.... “Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you. You're weak and pathetic.”...“Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you. Look over there, Jim, I'm filming us.”...“Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you. When I scare you, you sweat. Tiny people sweat smells like crunch-berries to me. Isn't that odd, Jim? Are you full of crunch-berries, little man?” It's smut, I always think the writer should have some fun themselves. Writing sucks, and it always sucks on some level, sometimes, no matter how long you've done it. Banging your head against something in isolation is never entirely fun. I hope somehow I gave you good advice, or maybe what I said sparks something in you that I should have sai
Author's Response:
Thanks for the observations. That's a good suggestion that I look for real world analogues when describing the giantess' size, rather than just putting down a number, like 50 feet. That would make it interesting. Yes, dialogue creates character, and you reminded me of this. I knew that, but not 100% on all levels. The idea of large-breasted women having their identity tied up with their size is good to remember.
I agree that writers should have fun themselves. I struggle at times with continuing stories. If both the reader and writer can have fun, then that's the sweet spot. Thanks so much for your advice. It got me thinking about how perspective opens new writing avenues.
Date: November 02 2016 9:56 AM Title: Chapter 1
you may read, save if you like and delete from here if you want to.
You asked for criticisms/input:
criticisms? "colossusses" is "colossi".
Further things depend on what you want to do and how much patience you think your readership has. What I had planned to do in my stories was to intersperse high detail with low detail passages that acted as a path between the high detail "rewards". I didn't. I always end up cramming as much stuff in as I can, and when I get exhausted I close the chapter out until next time I get the writing bug. So, little happens in my stuff, but if you like my writing, it's a bunch of little powerful doses of ten minute episodes. Also, what do you want this story to be a year out from finishing it? I've been in the scene since the beginning, and there are stories that everyone has in their collection and loves. Do they reread them? Don't know. I doubt it, or not often. But most of these stories are good examples of what the reader is "into". However, other stories people hold onto are good stories. Sometimes it can be the storytelling and detail, the memorable-ness of the characters or situation- but, you know what? I've got stuff that I'm not even "into" and I keep it around because sometimes these stories are so good as stories- other times they hit really hard, they are "advocates" for whatever sub-genre. I've got some amazing stuff that I rightfully shouldn't be interested in, but reading these stories makes me see why someone would be into something, like crush, or amazons or whatever. The writer cared with those stories, and I can see what they see, and it can be cool. Walking in different shoes.
Make something that's throw-away. Or, make something that's a great story with some good smut. Or, make something that dares someone else to top you.
My aim is to make something that dares someone to top me. Then I can come back in six months and see what REALLY became of my effort. But if that doesn't happen, then hopefully when I'm long gone some copy of my stuff will still be cluttering hard drives. Maybe some crazy bastard will consider it a "classic" and other people in communication with them as they discuss this while terraforming Mars will roll their eyes and not invite this poor sod out for a drink at the Colony's bar later that evening.
Author's Response:
Thanks for review. It's nice to see another writer's point of view. You're correct that it's colossi, but I looked that up before posting this chapter, and it's also correct as colossuses. I thought it sounded more natural, but I like both.
I appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective on writing. Stories do have impact, as you said, with the characters and events. And they have the ability to be lasting and memorable. With the digital age, people could certainly read these stories after colonization of Mars. Thanks again.
[Report This]Date: October 28 2016 5:46 AM Title: Chapter 11 ... 10-27-16
Curious how Karen just left James with Addie while she tool Brian away. I figured she wouldn't want to let him out of her sight.
Anyway, it's cool how you bring James and Addis into a more level relationship in this chapter. She's still a sadistic bitch, but the tension is tamped down. All the chapters until the mall scene very nearly gave me a heart attack. I felt like I was James, and all his anxiety and insecurities were my anxiety and insecurities. Very well done.
The way Addie talks about being James's mommy is weird and erotic. Good luck realizing the potential of that fantasy.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for commenting. The thought entered my mind that Karen shouldn't leave little James alone with her daughter... but I wanted some alone time between Addie and James. I figured Karen was too afraid of Brian accidentally seeing him, while watching the dog and her son, so it was the better of two bad choices.
I'm glad you found tension in the tense parts earlier in the story. Chapter 11 allowed for some change in how the characters interact. Thanks again.
Date: October 27 2016 10:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
So, I was expecting Adelaide to shrink her mother as a threat. I had visions of a possibility... Addie shrinking them all and skipping out on school and other responsibilities, with everything going to hell around her... house eventually foreclosed on....
Addie's mother seems to be reacting strangely. I think most people's first reaction would be a screeching fit followed by collapse. I suppose she is trying to play it cool, after all, Addie is dangerous. Good story. Sort of miss the other story too. Not sure what I think about the set up for this new one yet, as to whether it was warranted or not. All of the cliffhangers and suspense. But, honestly, in my mind it's forgivable, it could be looked at as an experiment, or "warming up". Don't know. Everyone else seems to like it. I'm just more or less neutral about it.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for your comments. I was considering having Adelaide shrink Karen, but I thought it'd be more fun to have two giant females. I agree that Karen's reaction is a little unusual. That's where I decided to shy away from realism in order to make it more enjoyable. I guess the dynamic I was going for was the reader to view Addie as fearsome and dangerous and then switch gears in how she acts after she shrinks James... more of a playful, erotic thing. Her confidence and power allows her to behave that way. Thanks for reading and commenting.
[Report This]Date: October 27 2016 1:05 PM Title: Chapter 11 ... 10-27-16
Amazing!
I think my favorite part was actually when Addie was describing what she would do with Jim. Especially when she mentioned Karen. Also, the fact that they would share him. That sounds like fun.
I wonder how you will make Karen get interested in this. Will you take the easy way and have Addie put Jim in Karen's bra or panties and Karen will realize that the pleasure is from Jim? Or will you make some creative situation where Addie verbally convinces Karen to "take him for the night"?
Interesting to see Addie wants to run the family, but she also wants to take her mom up with her. Addie just wants Jim below her and wants Karen to believe that as well. I like it.
Haha! I like how they have to kick out Brian for their fun. I think it would be funnier if they have to keep hiding Jim from Brian, but this works too.
The mouth play was good. I like how she used a lollipop to make the experience even better. I bet it smelled nice with the sucker in there as well. I was thinking that she could have stuck the wet sucker on Jim's back and then his front will be exposed for Addie to lick.
I like it when Addie talks dirty. The way she mentions about giving him to his wife. The way she wants to control him. The way she specially doesn't want to enlarge him. Next, she should describe where she will put him and for how long he will be there and that there is no escape.
My favorite thing about giantess stories are when they use panties. I think Addie seems like a kinky girl who is into some bondage and maybe she will tie up little Jim. Once these 2 giantesses get aroused, then the real fun begins!
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for your comments. I'm not sure how Karen would change, but probably through dialogue and some natural events. Whatever seems fun and interesting. I liked your sucker ideas... and bondage sounds good.
[Report This]Date: October 27 2016 8:55 AM Title: Chapter 11 ... 10-27-16
Little Jim said it best: "WOW!"
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.
[Report This]Date: October 25 2016 2:55 PM Title: Chapter 10 ... 10-20-16
One of my fantasies was the step mom scene with your stepsister's delight story. Unfortunately you seemed to have stopped that story.
So, when I saw this story, I saw the focus was on the step daughter, and I was hesitant about reading this story. Well, I finally did and what a blast it was reading all these chapters at once.
I feel bad for all your other reviewers who have had to suffer through your amazing cliffhangers and teasing to wait for the giantess content. Lucky for me, the fun is just getting started and I didn't have to wait as much.
Besides only 1 review of your 60+ review, no one has demanding the giantess content, and I think I know why. You do a great job at teasing. You flirt with ideas of shrinking and seduction and while the action is little, the little whispers and movements of Addie can ignite a fire in all of us that makes us satisfied with the chapter.
Not only that, but we can also follow your method of suspense and how things are getting closer to Jim actually shrinking. First, it was just talk of shrinking, then an object got shrunk. Jim felt safe since these were just objects and not living things. But, then the dog shrunk, and we knew, Jim included, that things were about to get real. She shrunk a living thing, and we knew it was inevitable that Jim was coming up. Soon, his shoes shrunk, so he couldn't leave the house. This showed Addie's control. Then finally, barging into her room set Addie off. You could tell she was withholding her power, but he room being invaded was a big no no and bam. He was shrunk.
One thing I found interesting was Karen's view of this idea. She rejects it constantly, but something tells me that she also ponders this idea sometimes and I think Addie can sense it too. Karen probably is into this idea, but isn't ready to show it yet.
Another thing about Karen is how she keeps arguing with Addie. I think it would be interesting if they were actually cooperating and together teasing Jim. So instead of seeking Karen for help, Addie will make Karen join her in her fun with Jim and together they can fullfil his fantasy.
What a great story and I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for the kind review. It was fun to read the summary you wrote of the story and how things methodically evolved, which I had put some thought into when writing--trying to balance the suspense.
Karen has the potential to change as a character as she adapts to the new family reality. Thanks a lot for your thoughts and suggestions on the story.
Date: October 21 2016 7:36 AM Title: Chapter 1
Was NOT expecting her to reveal James to Karen so soon, big surprise. Looking forward to the talk between Addie and her mom about the new power dynamic in the house.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for commenting/reading. I appreciate it.
[Report This]Date: October 20 2016 12:15 PM Title: Chapter 10 ... 10-20-16
Well, I suspected it long before this, when Karen couldn't re-enlarge the dog, herself. But, now, it's officially confirmed. Addie did NOT inherit this power from her mother!
So, it's not too wild a guess that the mother/daughter battle, in the next chapter, is going to be very one-sided.
Author's Response:
It will be one-sided, though her mom still has 'some' sway in being her mother. Thanks for commenting/reading.
Date: October 20 2016 9:40 AM Title: Chapter 1
Out of curiosity, would you have any desire to add any 'Butt' into this story? You're being tantalizing by constantly referring to her curvy hips. :)
Even if not, it's a wonderful read and I enjoy seeing the power play between Addie and everyone else.
Keep up the great work.
Thornton
Author's Response:
Other than briefly mentioning her butt, there's not much planned for that. Thanks for commenting and reading.
Date: October 13 2016 12:41 PM Title: Chapter 1
Looks good.
Author's Response:
Thanks for leaving a comment. More on the way.
[Report This]Date: October 13 2016 12:23 PM Title: Chapter 9 ... 10-13-16
Somehow, I get the feeling that Addie will be more amused and flattered than angry at seeing his 'nads at full mast.
Author's Response:
Thanks for commenting. I'd say your feeling is right.
[Report This]Date: October 13 2016 10:08 AM Title: Chapter 9 ... 10-13-16
Once again, you're a master of building up the tension between James and Addie! Although they barely interacted directly in this chapter, I loved how humiliated he was by his stepdaughter and wife's conversation, as well as James's attempt at relaxing horribly backfiring on him. Personally I'm hoping that since Addie's noticed the effect her breasts had on her little stepfather, she puts him back with them to force him to finish what he started, but either way I'm really looking forward to what direction this goes.
Author's Response:
Thanks for commenting. Yes, James needs a release, and Addie is in a unique situation.