[Report This]Date: August 14 2016 5:56 PM Title: The shrinking.
I'm sad I did not see this sooner- I don't think I saw it when it came out. I love it! I especially love the way it is written and the way that this is all just a big misunderstanding in the girls' part. Still, this is going to be a great story- very well done, Max! :)
Author's Response:
Thanks for your comments ! Please, keep them going, those reviews are litteraly what fuel me up to keep writing.
I'll keep doing my best !
[Report This]Date: August 12 2016 6:35 PM Title: The shrinking.
I love it, especially how they think there doing this for him!
Author's Response:
Hehehe, poor James, am I right ?
Maybe they will understand at some point this is not really what he wants ?
I wouldn't bet on that.
[Report This]Date: August 12 2016 2:51 PM Title: Yuna
I can't say anything other than that I enjoy this story very much!
Tank you for writiing it!
Author's Response:
Thanks friend ! I'm doing my best, I'm glad people are enjoying it :)
Date: August 11 2016 3:08 AM Title: Planning ahead.
Another great chapter, Max. Loving the build up as the girls get together to set the stage for James' unwitting, unwilling and unwanted demise. Looking forward to see their plan set into motion. I'm assuming that will happen next chapter and I'm looking forward to it.
You mentioned 'Brian's Solemate' as inspiration and I had to look it up on here. I hadn't read it before, but it was good. Truthfully however I am liking your take on the scenario better. Plus there were distracting mistakes such as getting the girls' names backwards in spots and such. Just little things that can easily be spotted in a quick read though before posting. I know writers get excited when they finish a chapter and want to post immediately - I'm guilty of that too. A quick read though however often picks up on the little errors. Your story so far seems that you take the time to do that and it is appreciated.
Like I said; great chapter and eagerly anticipating the next. Keep up the good work!
PS: Just read your message and will get back to you shortly on that.
carnaj
Author's Response:
Thanks for your inspired reviews, carnaj. Your support really helps me. Hopefully I'll manage to keep the quality up !
[Report This]Date: August 09 2016 9:02 PM Title: Mistake(n)
My interests lie more in butt and insertion. But I love the summary. I love misunderstandings definetly makes this story interesting. How they found his browsing history and think thats what he is into is great
Author's Response:
Thanks, I do love misunderstandings as well.
There will be butt stuff, dunno yet about insertion. Time will tell !
Date: August 09 2016 12:20 PM Title: Yuna
The suspense may actually kill me. My ghost will blame you.
Author's Response:
Hopefully you'll survive for a few more days !
Date: August 09 2016 11:11 AM Title: Mistake(n)
Ooooh snap. I can smell trouble brewing :) great stuff as always, max.
Author's Response:
Thanks versus ! Hope you'll love what's to come :)
[Report This]Date: August 09 2016 9:24 AM Title: Yuna
I'm enjoying this story and hope you're able to keep it going. I'm more of a fan of violent or deadly progressions to these tales and hope he is taken too far by his friend and sister's feet when he's tiny. Maybe focus on how truly overwhelming and deadly the smell of their feet become to him.
Author's Response:
There will be no deaths in my stories, but be sure that James will have his share of overwhelming deadly smell of feet !
Thanks for the review !
[Report This]Date: August 09 2016 5:01 AM Title: Faith
I'm really enjoyingyour story so far. As others have said, you need not worry about your English. It's better than many on here and your grammer, punctuation and over-all storytelling is very good.
I'm enjoying the introduction of the characters, which is always a good start to any story. Personally I like descriptive stories and would like to see a bit more description of what the characters look like, but that's just me. I'm assuming Yuni is of some type Asian origin but a little more description of Faith's appearance (beyond 'gorgeous') would be appreciated, at least by me.
Your writing flows well and more importantly your characters act and speak like REAL people. People speak using contractions and nothing distracts me from a story like a character that always speaks like a proper English Butler. Your little universe you are creating feels REAL to me and that is good.
One final thing is your use of foreshadowing, which again is good. Your initial story description of Yuni and Faith deciding that James is perverted seems about to happen with James' computer now in his sister's hands. You mentioned that Faith and Yuni like each other and even Text one another so I can see them ganging up on poor James in the near future. You also mentioned Faith's friend Chloe and the mutual dislike between her and James so figure she'll eventually be making an appearance.
Only question left I guess is how the shrinking will occur. I don't recalll that you mentioned a Shrinking Virus or anything on that order so I guess time will tell. All in all though you are doing a fantastic job! Looking forward to the next chapter and thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work!
Carnaj
Author's Response:
Wow. Thanks, really, thanks. I've never written any story before, neither in french nor in english, and it means the world to me to know I'm doing a decent job so far.
I actually think I'm bad at describing characters, which is why I didn't spend much time on their physical appearance. To be fair, I have no idea on how to do that properly. I'll try and read some good stories in which the description is well done, maybe it will inspire me in the near future.
As I've already said to someone in the comments, I can't stand non-realistic stories either. I'm doing my best to make it all feel as if it could have happened to anyone. Not just the "I'm a mean girl out of nowhere, I'll torture you" thing.
Therefore, I'm really glad you're feeling the story the way I intended.
Hehe, I won't tell a thing. Next chapter is already written though, and you will get to read it in a few hours !
As I've written in chapter 1, I've been inspired to write this story by "Brian's solemate". Maybe the shrinking will occur in a similar way ? Time will tell.
Now, I do have one question. Are you the Carnaj that wrote "Heather's Decision" and "Racquetteball Bet" ?
Either way, thanks for taking time to share your thoughts. It's really helping and motivating me. I hope I'll hear from you again ! :)
[Report This]Date: August 08 2016 8:32 PM Title: Faith
Absolutely loving where this is going.
Author's Response:
Thanks, I'll do my best to keep it up !
[Report This]Date: August 08 2016 8:28 PM Title: Yuna
another great chapter. Story is developing nicely. I personally would love as much feet, foot odor , sweaty feet as possible. Feet feet feet!
Author's Response:
Be careful what you wish for ;)
[Report This]Date: August 08 2016 5:29 PM Title: Yuna
I'm not crazy over the foot stuff, but the rest is great! I really love how he searched all that and now his sister has the computer. Could be an excellent story, really interested to see where you take it!
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review !
Unfortunately, there will be a lot of foot related stuff, I've started the story with that in mind :(
On the other hand, depending on where the story goes, we will see more than feet in the future. Feel free to share what you would like to see !
Date: August 08 2016 12:26 PM Title: Faith
Excellent chapter- lots of good world-building. I wonder- maybe faith will accidentally discover James' research??? Very good story, max- looking for more!! :)
Author's Response:
I'm glad it pleased you ! Next chapter should be the longest yet, and we're getting closer and closer to action !
Will Faith have a role in Jay's downfall ? Time will tell...
Date: August 08 2016 11:01 AM Title: Yuna
Excited to read more. Seems to be developing quite nicely.
Author's Response:
Thanks, I'm doing my best. Hope you'll like what's to come :)
[Report This]Date: August 07 2016 9:17 PM Title: Yuna
I also cannot wait to read more :)
Author's Response:
Thanks ! Next chapter should be up in the evening :)
[Report This]Date: August 07 2016 6:13 PM Title: Yuna
Excellent start! I like how both characters interact, and despite Yuna's domineering, she feels very sweet and almost loving. I can't wait to read more. And as far as your English is concerned, it's pretty good! I look forward to more of this story!
Author's Response:
Thanks, it means a lot !
Indeed, Yuna actually likes James - a lot -, and she's the kind of friend anyone would love to have ! (Despite her domineering side )
[Report This]Date: August 07 2016 2:54 PM Title: Yuna
The beginning is nice. I expect you'll build your characters first from what I saw in the first chapter. Your English's good no worries. Continue :)
Author's Response:
Thanks !
Yes, as you guessed, the action will not really start until I've managed to set the characters in. When I read a story, the first thing I want is for it to be plausible. (Not according to our standarts, but according to the story standarts.) Therefore, I'll do my best to make James's aventure something that could have happened to anyone, had they lived in his universe. Yet, do not worry, it should be getting interesting in a few chapters !