[Report This]Date: March 09 2018 4:01 AM Title: Aegean Labors
On 4. Aegean Labors
You are keeping a great pace here. During the first three chapters the young ladies begin to get settled into possessing a tiny man. I had begun to wonder when they were going to come to terms with that ownership and truly commence to use him as I believe they should. Finally! And I don’t mean to say that it took you too long to write about it; quite the opposite, your progression has the perfect rhythm. I can relate to it with my own teenage memories, and how long it took my friends and me to plunge into some Dark Side. Well done!
Author's Response:
I'm glad you're liking it. I was horrified to go back and read the old installments and find the erratic inconsistencies throughout sloppy editing and revision. So I went back and cleaned those up, and that built the momentum for the fourth installment, which was very helpful actually. I think the path forward is clearer, while keeping in the spirit of the previous installments (which were written decades apart from the lsat one). And yeah, part of this is a fantasy of wondering what girl parties were like, wanting very badly to be privy to that inner sanctum. I can only conjecture and try to be respectful in the course of it.
[Report This]Date: March 08 2018 9:42 PM Title: A Crushing Argument
On 3. A Crushing Argument
I’m not sure Biff should be described as a “man” when he’s not. He’s a boy. The girls are described as girls, and he’s a teen too, unless he was held back a few years.
I know about that impulsiveness–Trinidad's–all too well. Most of the time our closest friends just play along, but I’m glad Biff didn’t get crushed.
Author's Response:
Very good point about the words. These are old children, not adults yet. That was exciting for me to write about when I was a few years older than that, but it worries me now. Still, the show must go on, and as it does I have to pay attention to word choice and double standards.
[Report This]Date: March 08 2018 8:18 PM Title: Dreamlike State
On 2. Dreamlike State:
This was a very nice read. I feel this is something I would have done with my closest friends in order to get back at some nasty school bully. We didn't really have one... our school was too small and though mixed, the boys were seriously outnumbered, so if we'd done as described in the chapter, it would have been out of lust, or a shared crush.
Myu favorite part was Biff's self-assurance when "realizing" this was a dream, and the girls' response now that they begin to sink into the awareness of what they have before him. On, I read!
[Report This]Date: March 08 2018 7:48 PM Title: The Tormentor
"Tormentor" is a good title for the first episode. One assumes it's the larger-sized individual doing the tormenting, but it's not. It's Biff's description. With very few words you manage to reawaken some uncomfortable, high-school-related feelings. I like that you don't really describe him much, and Biff doesn't think he's particularly striking, which is often the case with lovely-looking people, even those that are self-centered assholes.
I look forward to reading the next installment!
[Report This]Date: July 07 2016 2:19 PM Title: A Crushing Argument
Interesting story with good detail so far. The characters feel like real human beings.
Author's Response:
Thanks, I wanted them to be a little more realistic, think about their individual quirks and motivations. I think some good adventure can come from that.
Date: July 07 2016 10:26 AM Title: The Tormentor
Really good so far! Can't wait for more!
Author's Response:
I really should pick this up again. I remember enjoying it, I had the seating chart all laid out... one of those many adventures enthusiastically started and dropped for no good reason.