Reviewer: matrix2590117 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 25 2016 4:26 PM Title: 2 - Doormat for Life?

Pls continue

Make alot of transformation 

Like transom them to panties. .pads..tampons..dildo

 

Make the story more longer its wonderful. ..

Reviewer: White Wolf Signed [Report This]
Date: April 23 2016 9:37 PM Title: Prologue: The Beginning of the End

Great concept!  Would like to see a little bit more detail on how the acts passed.  Was there some kind of impetus behind why society accepted these draconian laws?  Also, it's mentioned that all of the people in power are women.  Was there a reason for this?  One last suggestion is to write as if you're describing a scene happening without a target audience.  The way it's currently written it's a little more like you're having a conversation with your audience (breaking the fourth wall, as it were).  E.g. "You know what the worst part of this is?" could be "In a shocking turn of events, every piece of legislation put forward by these radical women's parties became law."

Your subject matter is incredibly topical in today's society, so I'm defininitely keeping an eye on this one.  Thanks for sharing it!

Reviewer: squashed123 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 23 2016 9:45 AM Title: Prologue: The Beginning of the End

Great concept, terrible implementation.

 

Use past tense all the time, not just some of the time. And add details. This story hurries along like a robot in car plant. Take your time.