Reviewer: newmark42 Signed [Report This]
Date: October 11 2015 1:22 PM Title: Day 1: Meeting Inessa

Interesting start. I'm an amazon/minigts/gentle fan and author, so glad to see another story seemingly headed that route.

As a constructive critique along the lines of what DyingSanity was saying... Description is good, but try not to over-do it, and try to avoid overly specific analogies, like cup-sizes and comparisons to specific "photoshopped models". Paint an image in broad strokes through analogy, and let the reader's imagination fill in the details.

For example, one of your best analogies was 'from behind, the contours of her massive chest were easily visible on both of her sides'. This did more for me than all the cup-sizes, which I find distracting and wish were not there. In fact, in my work, I try to never mention a cupsize, because it's just too mathematical, specific, and for me - unsexy.

I get the impression some of this over-description was because you were trying to paint a *very* specific picture in the reader's mind. However, this shouldn't be your goal. The reader's imagination is always better than our prose as authors. Think of yourself as just helping and triggering the imagination, not sticking a a piece of artwork in front of the reader's eyeballs. If he/she imagines something different than what you intended, it will most likely be better (for them). 

Keep it up! Looking forward to the next chapter.

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed [Report This]
Date: October 06 2015 6:37 AM Title: Day 1: Meeting Inessa

A sociable Amazon? That's a rarity in gts-fiction. Almost non-existent!

Refreshing. :-)

Reviewer: acuteoblique Signed [Report This]
Date: October 05 2015 6:25 PM Title: Day 1: Meeting Inessa

Wow, awesome start!