Reviewer: Paris Green Signed [Report This]
Date: September 06 2015 10:08 PM Title: Chapter 1: Era gets some new playthings

You could do a better job of describing what Era looks like. Right now all I know is that she is black, has teeth, and has bird like attributes.

Sometimes it's good to leave a bit to the imagination but with Era there isn't much to work off of. Is she shaped closer to a true bird than a humanoid? Does she have a beak? If so, how are her teeth arranged? I think you should try answering these questions and more in editing your writing or the next chapter.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the response. I'll do my best in either the next chapter, or in editing of the first chapter to improve in that category. Thanks once again for the response, I truly appreciate it, and hopefully I'll be able to improve that aspect of the story.