[Report This]Date: August 12 2015 6:33 PM Title: Chapter 2
Ok, now this just got a whole lot better!
Classroom scenes are always fun to read.
The part where Anna turned around at Scar Baby, well, it felt like Veronica was the one who turned around because after Veronica said "pig". You mentioned "she turned around" "she heard the word" and there was no mention of Anna until the very end when she turned back to the front of the class. Just that part might need a fix, but otherwise a fantastic chapter!
(Spoiler) Blood gushing from the wrist? Reminds me of a scene from Ex Machina.
Anna is a witch! Or at least I think she is. That's one girl you don't want to mess with. Not sure if Trent learned his lesson. I mean, he still had no idea that Anna caused it. I was expecting him to point at Anna, but I guess that won't work. Mr. Collins likes Anna.
Good stuff. I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
Thanks Tom, I'm glad you stuck it out as the puzzle pieces fall into place. I fixed the grammar to eliminate the confusion, again thanks - next chapter we look at Anna's past a little more thoroughly.
Date: August 12 2015 9:41 AM Title: Chapter 1
Oooh. You got me hooked.
Author's Response:
It will fall back into a familiar pattern of character development, but it is a dark and ugly story...
[Report This]Date: August 11 2015 11:56 PM Title: Chapter 1
Much liked, as is the usual with your stories.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading, this one is a different take on my own personal taste, but lets see where it goes...
[Report This]Date: August 11 2015 9:40 PM Title: Chapter 1
Hmmm. Yes, this is much more darker than I expected.
Very gruesome. So many mangled body parts that it was kinda unexciting to read. Half the chapter was just the bruises, bone crushing, blood gushing. Didn't feel like an appetizing opening.
Anna seems like a troubled individual. I wonder what has led to her behaving this way.
To be honest, if this first chapter was written by a random writer, I probably wouldn't bother reading the next one. It just doesn't have that amazing intro that defines the main characters. Of course, with your reputation, I will stay tuned.
I, um sort of, can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading Tom, I always appreciate your feedback. This story is very dark but not with mindless destruction. You asked the perfect question, Why? This story will examine that question. unlike my other stories with several chapters of descriptive character development, I jumped right into the action and will now backtrack to fill in those details. If this isn't to you taste, no worries, i myself am unsure of its origins or my need to share it.