[Report This]Date: May 17 2016 10:41 AM Title: Epilogue
Sorry about not posting reviews for each chapter, but the story was complete before I discovered your work. As I mentioned elsewhere, you have written a great story, unlike any I've seen before, and even without dialog, you have succeeded beyond my expectations. I may try that idea myself, to move the story right along quickly and smoothly.
That you are obviously a mature writer, and not a juvenile, is easily desernable, and I hope that you write many more.
Date: July 13 2015 9:43 PM Title: Chapter 1
This was absolutely marvelous. I'm sorry you don't have more reviews. It's probably because you built it up so slowly, a lot of people don't stick around if there's not sexual stuff right off the bat.
All the sensations were described so well and I loved trying to guess what was happening to them and where they were. And the feeling of being toys has never been conveyed so well to me in a story I don't think.
The sex scene was incredible once you got to it. The anal insertion scene I particularly liked, again enjoying Ben's realization where he was.
The only thing I'd have liked to have seen was one more piece from Ben's perspective inside her ass. Did he come to enjoy it like Jenna did, or was he in a different frame of mind?
Either way I loved the concept and the story as a whole. Please write more!
Author's Response:
Thank you. I'm glad you stuck with it and enjoyed my ramblings.
I kinda had a feeling the prolonged lead-up would discourage some. When I got to around the halfway point I did wonder if there was a way to include some sweaty action earlier, but just couldn't figure a way to do so while maintaining the stressfulness for Ben & Jenna.
The lead-up didn't seem so long when I originally conceived of the events. I suppose this is why I wanted to actually try to write for once, rather than just entertain imagery in my head. A few moments of minds-eye visuals seem to require paragraphs to realise on paper... something I'll bear in mind in future. Short and simple may well become a new guiding rule. I certainly needed to experience this process, though, to help me better understand pacing, rhythm and action. Describing events in words proved much tougher and long-winded than I expected.
With regards to Ben's 'role' in the later action; I did dither for quite a while over adding more from his perspective. His experience was going to be somewhat limited at this stage as there was little more for him to do than just lay in there and wiggle a bit. He wasn't getting any stimulation himself, so to speak. From his point of view, the whole experience is still fairly terrifying and he hasn't gained the knowledge of the How's and Why's that Jenna has, nor has he been exposed to Kate's overpowering feminine musk yet.
I do have some ideas for extending the story such that Ben later learns of Jenna's experiences, discovers that she's gotten really into it, and gets to experience more pleasurable action himself (with plenty of egging-on from his sexually re-awakened girlfriend)... and so on. There are many more 'uses' for the shrinkees to be explored.
I may leave this story as it is for now, though. I spent quite alot of time tweaking various parts already and could go on doing so forever, knowing me. I've got a few other concepts outlined which will allow me to practise dialogue and characterisation more, which I need to do. Odds are good, though, that I will re-visit Ben and Jenna's predicament later.
Finally, I have to say your one review has done enough to convince me to write more. Thank you so much. I don't mind if nobody else leaves a review now.
Warmest Regards
- Epidaurius