Date: November 30 2022 2:09 AM Title: The change
good
[Report This]Date: April 17 2017 4:15 PM Title: The end of the joy
This is good. I am thinking of doing this challenge and now i want to except it. If you continue i will keep reading. Also you should make him a blanket and they all sleep naked at natashas house. Best part they keep farting, and he is the one trapping the smell inside.
[Report This]Date: November 24 2015 11:04 PM Title: The end of the joy
I really enjoyed the story!! Please continue it if possible I would see another unaware panties tf, maybe let her friend borrow her "panties" totally rendering him as her friends panties forever.
[Report This]Date: May 12 2015 9:44 AM Title: Pain and pleasure
Booty time!!!!!! :) keep them coming!
[Report This]Date: May 12 2015 9:02 AM Title: Pain and pleasure
Another great chapter. Some sentences are missing the puncuation marks and there are a few spelling mistakes. The first is "Natasha said to me on my mind" we usually say "in" when we talk about telepathy. This should also be change at the end. Another is "...her feets were becoming more sweaty and smelly.i wasn't going..." Feets are supposed to be feet, there are a couple instances of this, and the I is supposed to be capitalized in English. Also the sentence " atleast smelled better than Rachel's feet" should be "at least she smelled better...". Don't get me wrong I love the story. I just try asnd help people that may miss their errors. I write a lot as well. So mistakes are bound to pop up, especially when writing. As for the story I have to say I love Natasha, especially at the end. She seems to be quite naughty, for lack of a better term. I wonder if the protagonist has realized this is only the beginning and not at all what he wanted. Keep up the great work, cannot wait to see where you take this story. I for one would like to see a toe ring or belly buttong ring or a clit ring in the future. I think he would despise being the toering most of all.
Author's Response:
Thanks, i would correct the spelling mistakes :)
[Report This]Date: May 11 2015 7:14 AM Title: The change
This is pretty good!! Bring back that stinky booty though lol!!!
[Report This]Date: May 11 2015 6:02 AM Title: The change
It eoud be nice to see him as and extra tight bra or soack right after the gym scene (if it unfolds more).
[Report This]Date: May 11 2015 5:40 AM Title: The change
Great first chapter. There were a few grammatical errors like the missing punctuation marks at the end of the sentences before the closing quotation marks. Also the sentence "She started chatting with other 3 girls." Should be She started chatting with 3 other girls. Another correction is the sentence that includes "...she put herself a shirt and a tight jeans". It should be ...she put herself in a shirt and tight jeans or she wore a shirt and tight jeans. As fpr spelling there was one mistake. The original sentence says "Stephanie the tacher, asked for silence." You spelt teacher wrong. Besides these errors I loved the flow of the story and your idea is great. I hope you keep writing.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review, english is not my first langauge so please excuse for the grmmatical errors (i am going to correct them), more chapters to come, i accept suggestions :)