[Report This]Date: December 04 2014 4:52 PM Title: Kick Shrink Stomp
Binary_Prophet, excellent story you've written here. You did a really great job with Dee -- she's deliciously cruel. I enjoyed her dialogue in particular. Descriptions were top notch as well, and while there really wasn't much of a plot, that was obviously the point so no complaints here. It doesn't hurt that I love beautiful, smelly feet.
My only bit of feedback would be that you did one tiny thing that could've been improved. When the character had the sock gag in, you said "cried around the sock" maybe four or five times. It was the word "around" in particular that kept popping up, and it was enough times for me to actually notice it. I think even after the sock had come out, you said that he was breathing "around a broken nose" or something like that.
So really that piece of criticism was about as nitpicky as it gets, but I thought you might appreciate it, especially since it's just a tiny thing in an otherwise tremendously sexy piece. The story as a whole was so gigantically well written that it could stomp that little imperfection like a bug! Please write another.
Author's Response:
thanks very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. very kind words; thank you for them.
yeah, I'm always on the lookout for those repeated words/phrases. thanks for pointing that out. I'll probably go back and clean it up in this one sometime soon. it's the kind of thing my eyes catch on when I'm reading something by someone else. typically, when I'm drafting, I'll have too many instances of "the character felt this" or "the character looked at this" and have to rework that kinda stuff. I'll add "around" for my mental net to catch.
thanks again for the read! :3