Reviewer: Casanova Signed [Report This]
Date: September 30 2014 3:12 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Big Game and little play

sickpuppies, I felt awkwardly turned on by the M/m scenes in this story. Perhaps that's just me discovering my inner gay man, or perhaps it's a testament to your evocative writing. I'd like to think it's the latter. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever read a Male/male story. In any case, I certainly would've enjoyed the story more if Tyler was a girl instead of a boy, but it is what it is. (Needless to say, I was much more into it when the girls showed up.) Either way, I thought the imagery was fantastic, and while there wasn't much of a plot, exactly, if that's what the commissioner wanted, what can you do? In terms of accomplishing a certain goal, I certainly think you delivered!

My only criticism would be that I feel like the flow of your writing can be improved a bit. One tip that I've always sworn by is this: get in the habit of reading a few of your sentences out loud. It works wonders for flow, because it forces you to notice kinks here and there that you might otherwise pass over while reading in your head. Just a minor quibble, though.

Overall, I enjoyed your story very much. Excited for more!

Author's Response:

You flatter me Casanova. Honestly, that was one of the nicest reviews I have ever read, and I thank you.

 

As for the choppy parts, I understand and agree. There were probably some instances where I could have re-read it a few more times. But with something of this genre, it isn’t exactly the type of thing I would want read aloud ;). Still, I’ll give it a try.

Reviewer: Binary_Prophet Signed [Report This]
Date: September 26 2014 6:58 PM Title: Chapter 9: Transfer

I'm really enjoying this. It's a rare kind of story for me. I'm bi and really appreciate how Tyler seems to be as well, and that he's being humiliated at people's feet - the stuff of my fantasies. I'm really curious to see where you take this. I'm really into the characters, and how they're treating him. Looking forward to this conclusion. :)

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review! Yeah, you really don't see to much giant action on this site. A pitty, but what can you do?