Reviews For Darts
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Reviewer: Aborigen Signed [Report This]
Date: May 24 2016 7:44 PM Title: Chapter 1

I hear ya. Most of my stories here are from 2000, I don't use those words or have those thoughts anymore. Thinking of rewriting everything...

It makes sense that this was a "what if" story because it leaped right out of the gate. All the exposition came through brief reminiscing, but we were right in the thick of it from the start, which is excellent for a short story or an action novel. That's the way to do it.

Reviewer: Aborigen Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 21 2016 6:28 PM Title: Chapter 1

This is an excellent premise with perfect tension between the characters. It needs one round of revision to spread out some of the description, make it slower in the spaces between the dramatic bursts. I'm not sure how the interior thoughts should be treated, whether we should be aware of the private thoughts of each person, but if the reader has full omniscience, that should also be made consistent throughout. The characters are nicely developed to work with each other and I enjoyed this tremendously.



Author's Response:

Thanks for taking the time to read and review. 

 

This is one that definitely needs an update with my current writing ability. I posted it in 2014 but I think I wrote it way back in 2012, which is when I was doing the whole 'date two girls at once' thing. My friend asked me "what would they do if they found out" and while my response to them wasn't substantial, this is what I kept thinking about. 

Reviewer: youre_my_slave Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 27 2014 10:49 PM Title: Chapter 1

Nice and gruesome, just how I like 'em.

Reviewer: wildcatman Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 27 2014 9:36 PM Title: Chapter 1

***"Maleficent"***

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